I've been feeling kind of strange this week. Thought just allergies. Then I realized my emotions are coming back after a long hiatus.
May not seem like it at times but what the world has seen for a number of years has been me, subdued. In some ways, that has been true since at least 18 years. Part biological but in other ways, I just have not felt free to really allow my emotions free reign.
Intellectually, I know different influences bringing this about are biological, financial and because my current job makes me feel a bit less on constant guard than for some time. Especially since coming to NM.
Not sure what to expect on this. I know I want to avoid making majorly stupid decisions because of emotions which do more harm than anything. Right now, it's like having blinders ripped off. Not really bad but a little uncomfortable. One effect is that I've been having a major undeniable urge to go to karaoke. Good way to release emotional tension.
Much of my life I have been described as emotionally intense. Not always a good thing. No shortage of times I have "medicated" myself to buffer my emotions, if not try to shut them down completely. One of the biggest reasons I tend to be so logical and rational is that I started very young to try and offset my emotions with reason. Only helped so much. Instead my emotions have often fueled my intellect. Not so bad when they remain coupled. Not so great when one overshadows the other too much. Medication? Yeah, I decided to have a few beers tonight. If I have the money (which I should) I plan to go to karaoke next week sometime, like Thur or Fri night.
The maintenance I did on the car had surprisingly positive effects. It drove well before but now it has some serious get up and go! It was a nice finding when I was pulling out of the parking lot of the grocery store and stepped on the gas. It had so much acceleration it pushed me back in my seat! I am seeing much more clearly why this car has a following of fans. I can imagine what the 6 cylinder must have done. I still like the 4 cylinder because it has better gas mileage. After I get the rest of it fixed up going to have to take daughter on a road trip. Don't want to do that with the CV axle in current condition and seat belt not working properly. Besides, be nicer in a week or two, when things turn more green.
May not seem like it at times but what the world has seen for a number of years has been me, subdued. In some ways, that has been true since at least 18 years. Part biological but in other ways, I just have not felt free to really allow my emotions free reign.
Intellectually, I know different influences bringing this about are biological, financial and because my current job makes me feel a bit less on constant guard than for some time. Especially since coming to NM.
Not sure what to expect on this. I know I want to avoid making majorly stupid decisions because of emotions which do more harm than anything. Right now, it's like having blinders ripped off. Not really bad but a little uncomfortable. One effect is that I've been having a major undeniable urge to go to karaoke. Good way to release emotional tension.
Much of my life I have been described as emotionally intense. Not always a good thing. No shortage of times I have "medicated" myself to buffer my emotions, if not try to shut them down completely. One of the biggest reasons I tend to be so logical and rational is that I started very young to try and offset my emotions with reason. Only helped so much. Instead my emotions have often fueled my intellect. Not so bad when they remain coupled. Not so great when one overshadows the other too much. Medication? Yeah, I decided to have a few beers tonight. If I have the money (which I should) I plan to go to karaoke next week sometime, like Thur or Fri night.
The maintenance I did on the car had surprisingly positive effects. It drove well before but now it has some serious get up and go! It was a nice finding when I was pulling out of the parking lot of the grocery store and stepped on the gas. It had so much acceleration it pushed me back in my seat! I am seeing much more clearly why this car has a following of fans. I can imagine what the 6 cylinder must have done. I still like the 4 cylinder because it has better gas mileage. After I get the rest of it fixed up going to have to take daughter on a road trip. Don't want to do that with the CV axle in current condition and seat belt not working properly. Besides, be nicer in a week or two, when things turn more green.
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