More changes, all good

Last Friday, gf and I had our very first night where she did not have to leave. Her husband had a sleep study. It was wonderful. We got to be intimate, talk, have dinner and stay up really late together. Unfortunately we had to sleep at some point. Though I slept more than she did.

I wish we had many more such nights together. We are supposed to have another such night in the future because he has a follow up sleep study. He has sleep apnea. 

Since being named a top contributor on economics on Medium, it has had two effects. One is that it has seriously increased my readership. Like at least quadruple. The other is that it has motivated me more. 

Still, that doesn't make money. So I began migrating articles over to Patreon this week. Hoping to gain subscribers. To do that more effectively means I will have to write some exclusive content for Patreon and nowhere else. That's okay. 

I am also compiling a list of Progressive media sites to investigate and see if I can submit articles for payment. Getting published on more sites like that can make a big difference. 

My work schedule has slowed down slightly, which helps on that. Not so much on my finances but I'm stable enough for the moment and I have enough work to make a living. 

More Improvement

Something that has been making me happy lately is that my daughter has been paying more attention to me. Usually playfully, she grabs my hand as I walk past and doesn't let go. Though I have noticed she also hugs me closer than she used to. Plays with my hair and compliments me. 

Not completely sure what it's all about but we've had various conversations. One where she said her mother said she'll throw her out when she's 18. She said she knows her mother is joking but her eyes said otherwise. I told her that she will always have a place with me. That I understand the economics of today and it's frightening. I did not point out that her mother has never once had to rely only on herself. I've made clear I am always proud of her. Then there is the fact that she has her first bf and I have a gf whom I love. So some changes are happening and she's growing up. She has expressed the fact many times that she is in no hurry to grow up. Even though she is more mature than most kids her age. 

Got more good news about my writing today. I usually make only a few $ for my writing each month, if anything at all. For December, I got nearly 5 times the amount I usually get. It's still not much. Less than a tank of gas. The good part is the indication, that my writing is being seen. I gain a few more subscribers each week. No big numbers just yet. I often pick up followers because of comments on various stories. 

I really need to work on my website and start submitting stories for consideration to Progressive outlets. My only NY resolution is to reach the point where I am making a living from writing before the end of this year. May sound a bit ambitious but putting a time frame on it gets me working harder in that direction.

My gf's husband is continuing his head games. Made a pass at her today after them not having sex (thanks to him) for 4 years now. Also after picking multiple fights since he came back on Sunday, including insulting her sexually. He has insulted her mental stability numerous times, while she is stable and he is not. Any number of insults he has inflicted on her could easily be grounds for divorce but this last one was the last straw for her. No way she would ever sleep with him again after that and I don't blame her. Up to now I knew that was always a possibility and I just had to deal with it. Now she says she has no more guilt about sleeping with me. 

I hope so. At the same time, I know she is now in a painful emotional state. Not really sure where this will go. It's possible she could want time to herself. That would not even make me angry. None of this really has. I knew what I was walking into, somewhat. Though I have not waited a year to wait longer all by myself. If she decides she wants freedom, that's fine but it means I have the same freedom. I'm hoping it doesn't go that direction. 

Of course, it may craw her closer to me. That's what I hope for. 

More questions

Yesterday I took daughter to meet her bf for lunch. Then went to the mall across the street. 

The boy's father and I sat and talked while they had their date. His father is nice. I think he fears me a little because I'm a Progressive. Though the more we talk, he slowly agrees with me more and more. So what I'm seeing in microcosm is how so many people here actually have Progressive viewpoints but are bound by identity politics. They define themselves as Conservatives and as such often wait for their views to be detailed for them. Problem is, neither Democrats or Republicans are offering details on much. He has worked for a company for many years that has union and labor power, promotes from within, so employees are treated well. So that alone makes his view rather Progressive in a Conservative state. If daughter keeps dating this boy, the father and I may become friends.

Problem is, when we left the mall, daughter was rather quiet and withdrawn. I'm not sure what that was about because she would not say. I have a feeling something was said that affected her. She also texted with him a lot less over the evening than she has been doing. I told her she can talk to me but did not force anything.

My gf came over last night. I had doubted she was going to. She said she would around 6 but came a lot later. 

The conflict continues between her and her husband. I'm not sure where that is going to go and how it will affect us or her feelings about me. She now started questioning me even to the point where I texted on NYE at 11:38, "Only 22 minutes. It's a short drive to my place." I thought the meaning was obvious. Yet she asked if that text was meant for her. I'm here with my daughter who has met her and I would be texting that to someone else? 

I try and be a stable influence for the people in my life. It causes problems for me emotionally when I am accused in some way of being anything else. Even if I think of seeking another lover, it's not likely to happen and I know it. My emotions and sex drive are too entwined. I'd be more likely to be celibate for a while if not in one relationship. Most likely. No matter what, if I'm not attracted to a person on other levels, I'm not attracted physically and I have not spent any time with anyone else. 

She has mentioned her husband insulting her sexually several times. So, I expect this will affect us in some way. Either she will doubt me and we have sex even less or she will want to have sex more as confirmation. I'm fine with the latter. Not so fine with the former. I would hope it would lead to her being less inhibited with me. Somehow, I doubt that's how it will go. 

Happy 2019!!

So begins a new year.

As far as my one resolution, I got one hell of a boost last night. Right after midnight I opened my email and found I was named one of the top writers in Economics for Medium! That's no small feat, seeing that they publish articles from Fortune and Washington Post. That should lend more credibility to my writing and bring more subscribers. Hopefully a bit more money, too. 

So my writing is off to a good start for the year.

Daughter has her bf. Yet seems more clingy to me lately. Holding my hand playfully and not letting go. I think she sees changes between her having a bf and she has seen my gf more now. I like it. She has even been more huggy. Something I have missed for a while.

I already said I moved my primary work site and they are happy with me, so employment is going well. 

For my gf, her husband came back from out of town and immediately started a conflict. Most was the same as it has been but he also insulted her sexually, which he had not done directly before. This coming from a guy who can't get it up. She told him she wants a divorce. Since then, he has tried on and off to play nice and made a lame attempt to ask her to bed once. She declined.

What does that mean between she and I? Not sure yet. I expect it means it will be more about her than it has been. Nothing about me. That's predictable. Sex? Our relationship? Who knows? She said the other day that she is unhappy begging me for attention. Really? After all the times I have sat alone, dealt with canceled plans and unfulfilled promises? Our ceremony was supposed to happen a year ago now. Never has. 

All I can do is what I always do. Deal with it as it comes.