Credit Rating, Pay Cut

 It always seems like my financial position is in direct contrast to the general economy. 

As an example, in the mid 90's, while most of the country was economically rising, I wound up dcclaring bankruptcy. I came out of that as the Internet Bubble burst. In 2008/9, my credit rating had recovered to "good". As the economy recovered from the 2008 crash, I wound up in financial distress due to workplace politics and nearly wound up in foreclosure. 

Today, the economy is definitely headed straight into depression. The worst this country has seen. It seems like the better my credit rating becomes, the worse the economy is going to do. As of right now, my credit rating is in the "excellent" range. 

I have avoided loans and credit cards as much as possible for years. Only exceptions have been car loans, which I try and pay off long before their maturity. I did make payments on my laptop, with it being a gaming laptop (refurbished). I paid that loan off early as well. I have had a secured credit card. Last year I doubled the collateral deposit to increase the limit. 

While the balance owed on the secured card is $0, I had been thinking of taking am unsecured card for some time to bring my credit rating as close to 850 as possible. Right now my credit rating is above 750 but below 800. So, last night I was shopping online for a new bed. My current bed is at least 16 years old and I have fought off bed bugs in the past few years. While checking out, Amazon offered a $100 discount if I applied and was approved for an unsecured Visa. I knew I would be approved, so I applied and was approved immediately. The new bed went on that card. One part of the bed also had a $40 coupon, so between the card and coupon, $140 got knocked off the price. 

The secured card has a $1000 limit. The unsecure card has a $3000 limit. So, my unsecured credit limit quadrupled. I plan on paying off the balance due on the bed as soon as I get the physical credit card. I mostly got that for the $100 discount, though I do prefer having more leeway on my credit. Never know what may happen in the future. I know the application will knock my credit rating down temporarily, though I will assume not by much, since my secured card has $0 charged to it. Once I pay off the balance on the unsecured card, any impact on my credit rating will rebound and should rise closer to 850. 

This may be with good timing. Last year I had set a goal on savings and reached that goal. Then the ex died, daughter went through a rough time and I avoided taking a travel contract until she was in a better emotional state, preferring to stay close to her. I spent money on new glasses and dentures. Then I went through a health crisis which sapped more of my savings. I am making payments on some of the health issues but concurrently my savings have been rising to near what they were before all of the above happened. 

Meanwhile, my agency gave me news that they will renew my contract but I have to take a pay cut. Nothing to do with my performance, it is affecting all the nurses with the agency. It's a big pay cut and I will feel the effects. However, I will still be making more money than I was making in AL. That's true even after travel expenses. Mostly the effect is that I will not be able to save as much per month as I had been saving. I still expect to be able to save money and get my savings back where they were last August in a few months. 

The agency said the pay cut is because the county reduced how much they are willing to pay. So, I renewed for 3 months even though they asked if I wanted to renew and stay for a year. Like I said, it's nothing about my job performance. I preferred staying at this location because I like it there. Besides, my current contract ends on 5/7/23. I didn't want to take the chance that I may not get another contract that soon. I'll stick with the 3 month extension and near the end of it start looking for something that pays more. That may mean having to travel further from home. 

I have an interview regarding the presidential campaign coming up on Thur, the 27th. I am hoping this will help get more attention to the campaign. The more I listen to other candidates, the better my policies sound, even from a completely objective standpoint. I've deliberately developed my policies to be what I would want to vote for. I am going to spend some money on advertising and hope to get more donations and expand the campaign further. Given the chance, my administration would be the best administration in US history. 

Good news

 I finally got the CT report yesterday by going to the doctor's office. The findings were a relief. Mesenteric inflammation and stranding. Diverticulosis. My appendix is normal and there were no masses found. 

Like I said, this all comes as a relief. I was expecting to find chronic appendicitis and needing surgery. I also had a little apprehension that it could be cancer. That fear was there but a bit low, since I had tumor markers drawn last year. The markers were either normal or lower than normal. That means the risk of cancer was low but not nonexistent. 

Expecting possible surgery, I had alerted my agency and employer ahead of time. I was also planning financially. If necessary, I would have taken out a loan from the bank. For the first time in my life, my credit score is in the excellent range. To some degree I'm not sure how it got there, aside from making payments on time because my income has been stable. Knock on wood. It may also be that the rating agencies are grading on a curve and many people today are defaulting on debt. In any case, I could have gotten a loan if I had to. Enough to not have to spend all of what I have in savings. It would be a lot better getting the loan up front instead of waiting, if I had to be out of work for a while and depleting my savings. Then I would have been able to pay the cost gradually as I returned to work.

For a few days, I went through a scare that I would have been fired. My coworker was told she was going to be fired. She got a contract somewhere else and then resigned at our current place, so she's okay. She even got a raise in the process. $5 an hour, so that's an extra $200 a week at 40 hours. Wish I could get a raise like that! Any way, this all came about because of a conflict which I had no part in. Though I think they don't like me in admin, since I am not someone who just follows orders without question. I ask questions and raise objections when things don't make a lot of sense. Or explain how things can be done in a more efficient way. They don't want efficient, they want automatons that just do as they're told. So, while I am not being fired, they are not renewing my contract. They want me to work through the end of my contract, which ends on 1/22/23. Okay, I can do that and keep to myself as much as possible. The agency is seeing if I can return to Carroll County, where I worked for a year. Sounds like they have spots available. Honestly, that's what I had been planning on doing. I did not want to renew here and hoped to go back to Carroll County. Barring any unexpected events, I could remain at Carroll County for a year again. 

What is happening there does anger me. I have done nothing wrong and tried to make improvements. The pharmacy is in much better condition than when I got there. The inmates and officers all like me. They don't want to see me go, It made me feel good when both women's pods all said I was their favorite nurse, then many of the males said the same thing. I care, I answer questions, I follow up on things when I say I will. I write notes of issues while doing pill call, so I don't forget. I change orders that are incorrectly entered, sometimes because the wrong times are entered and other times they are entered so that the medication will not even be sent from the pharmacy, so the patient doesn't get the medication. Checking TB skin tests are done at night. Before my coworker and I started, the compliance was around 25%. Since we started doing it, compliance is around 90%. I made the suggestion that most get done at night and the ones who refuse be attempted the following morning. Some inmates are more compliant in the morning than the evening. This seems to have been taken as me being insubordinate. 

I have drawn attention to the fact that, while the HSA says she wants wound care done at night, sometimes she has ordered it twice a day. Then nobody does it in the morning. 

Right now, my WBC count was still 21.9, so I am back on Cipro. I was having a lot of pain but it seems to be decreasing at this point. For the past few days, I have been taking 750 mg instead of the prescribed 500, as a kind of loading dose. That seems to have helped. I will drop it down to 500 this evening. Been having intermittent back pain, which can be a sign of too much Cipro. Any time I take antibiotics I get some level of brain fog and fatigue. At least I am not having confusion. 

None of this is helped by the fact that my iron is below 10. Should be above 50. Low iron also causes fatigue, slow memory and mild brain fog. May sound arrogant but I am still more highly functioning mentally than most people, though that is by sheer effort and always has been. I had asked about getting an iron infusion at my last appointment but it got lost in the shuffle with other referrals for the CT scan and GI consult. I think I should call Monday and ask again. Low iron also means slower wound healing, including to my intestines. I already take 8 iron supplements a day and that doesn't seem to be helping. (Though if I didn't, my iron could drop to zero.) 

I really want to get my health issues under control once and for all as soon as I can. This month, if possible. My GI appointment isn't until 2-21-23 but when I take a week off between contracts, I may see if there are any cancellations and be moved up. I know they are going to want a new colonoscopy and I will agree to it. I can afford it now. Besides, there were some things on the CT scan which conflict with the prior colonoscopy. I may not have ulcerative colitis but Crohn's Disease, depending on the location of the damage. Rather minor distinction but can change how it is treated. 

Having to push back my more aggressive push on my presidential campaign because of all that's going on. Have to shoot for late January or early February. On top of the other issues, I am back in FB jail because of "bullying". That's because I compared capitalism to prostitution, which is an apt analogy. FB has no concept of context. 27 days left to the restriction, so that will be early Feb. Since FB is my main social media platform, that affects my ability to communicate. Once that's over is when I'll go hard on my efforts. 

That's okay. Hopefully by then my health issues will be under control. Besides, I am rebuilding my savings to a specific level. Took a hit having to be out sick one weekend and with Christmas spending.

 Then that was after my ex dying a few months ago. It hit daughter really hard and I took a few weeks off to be available for her. She's doing much better now. Spending a lot of time with her SO. I do not think her attachment is false but I do think it is being intensified by the emotional vacuum left by her mother's death, which came suddenly. 

I believe things will work out well. Just with effort. 

Illness

 Last year I got extremely ill, with severe intestinal inflammation, weight loss and anemia. Things seemed to improve somewhat for a while but in the past few weeks the same problems came raging back even worse.

My most recent labs showed a WBC count of 26.3, which is potentially deadly. Had to take two weeks of Cipro and Flagyl, two of the harshest antibiotics available. I ultimately had to stop them 3 days early because my internal organs felt like they were being shredded and I experienced mild confusion. While driving to GA. I am doing follow up labs this morning. 

Few days ago I got a CT scan of my abdomen with and without contrast. Have to call the doctors office today to see what the report says. At this point, I am suspecting they are going to advise an appendectomy. I think my problem is chronic (not acute) appendicitis. Though that may be the best case diagnosis. 

Still having a considerable amount of pelvic pain on the right side, which is what leads me to that suspicion. Honestly, if they advise an appendectomy I will happily go with that advice if it offers hope of an improvement. I'm not fond of the idea of surgery. I've never had any surgery except on my right foot with a local anesthetic and that was when I was 18. 

Of course, I do have some apprehension that this could be cancer. However, I think the chance is low because my condition has been up and down, not consistently getting worse. Plus I had tumor markers drawn last year and they were not only normal but low. 

The worst part of this is fatigue, partly due to pain. I'm an energetic person by nature and the fatigue is really rough on me. 

I also have a GI specialist consult in February. That was the earliest I could get in to see them. 

My current work contract ends on 1/24. Though in this case if surgery is urgently advised I will have to end the contract early. Happily there is another nurse already in orientation who could take my place. I do want to see if I can go back to the facility I was working at last year but it's best if I get the CT results before checking on that. 

More than two years

 Looks like it has been more than two years since I posted anything here. It has been a quite eventful two years. 

Honestly, I have not been writing or thinking all that much on a personal level during this time. I have been focused on larger issues.

Obviously we had the pandemic. I don't have to say too much about that. It affected all of us in so many ways.

Then there is the Russian invasion of Ukraine, which I have posted many articles and videos about on other venues. 

Since Jan 2021 I have been traveling for work. I gave up on ADOC. I was treated like property there. The pay was marginal, I was working multiple nursing positions but only getting paid for one position, obviously. I had been with them over 2.5 years, never got a raise because I was PRN, though usually worked more hours than many staff nurses, who did get pay raises each year. I asked for a raise of $2.50, which only comes out to $100 a week for a base 40 hours. They refused, even though they were having to pay to bring in travelers. One of those travelers wound up getting walked out for having sex with an officer in the x-ray room. The officer was supposed to be watching a suicide risk inmate and he was married. She was aware of all of this. The biggest scandal I was involved in was that I refused to remove my ear stud. 

Daughter began university on a full scholarship. She was offered 4 different scholarships. I am so damn proud of her. She is studying Environmental Science. She graduated from one of the top 100 high schools in the US with honors. Because of the pandemic, the Honor Society trip to DC never happened. Plus, like millions of other teenagers, she was deprived of school dances, events and a prom. 

Daughter has developed a lot more socially, which I am happy and relieved of. She has a gf now and they spend a lot of time together. 

I barely got to see my daughter during the pandemic. Did not see her at all for I think a year. At least close to that. This was a big part of my decision to start traveling. We now have a schedule where we see each other roughly every other weekend while I'm in town. That works out so I don't interfere with school or her relationship. The days are gone where she stays at my house overnight, which is sad for me. 

This year I have suffered two deaths near me. One was my best friend, Melanie, who was my charge nurse at ADOC. She died of a brain tumor a couple of months ago. The other was my ex, daughter's mother. I was less concerned about my own emotional reaction than daughter's. We had been apart for 17 years now and barely spoke for the last few years. It hit daughter really hard. That was the first major loss she has experienced and it came very suddenly. The ex died of an apparent heart attack while driving one morning. Daughter shut down for a while. Quit her job. Struggled with school. Started going to counseling, which she is still doing and she's happy going. She is coming out of the depression now but has insomnia. I finally convinced her to take something for it. She remains resistant to any medication for depression but she seems to be recovering, slowly. 

I had stopped seeing my gf in 2020. It was the best choice. Nothing was ever going to come of that. I tried remaining friends with her but everything remained about her with rare exception. Very rare. Finally, this year I cut off all communication with her. It was the final straw that, for all of my political concerns which focus so much on human rights, she then posted something which was political and in direct opposition to the human rights abuses I had done dozens of videos about, none of which she watched at any point. Instead, she posted something which was nothing but western propaganda which I had exposed extensively on literally hundreds of occasions. 

Finally, this year I announced a grassroots campaign for president as an Independent. I just got so sick of watching people running for office that have betrayed the American people that I decided that I could do so much better than any of them. I am very proud of the collection of policy proposals which I have compiled, which are the most comprehensive and effective policies which have probably ever been created. My policies would address poverty, hunger, employment, foreign relations and inequality in ways that have never been done, all in very realistic ways. I know my chances of winning are low but if I can get enough attention I can change the narrative and get people talking about real solutions instead of fake talking points and subversive policies which continue making things worse instead of better. My website is at https://rmeyers2024.com/

Rethinking Polyamory

Most of my life I have been happiest in monogamous relationships. Or, at least I talked myself into that mindset. The literal truth is that monogamy has not served me well at all. 

So, lately I have been rethinking polyamory. Not to be confused with polygamy or swinging. Those are different. 

Polyamory is where a person is either single or in an open relationship where one or more partners can have other long term intimate partners with an emotional connection to each partner. Usually these are limited in scope and each primary or tertiary partner agrees to keep the arrangement limited. 

This seems like something which would serve me much better than monogamy. I've been in relationships with too many emotionally unstable partners that ultimately left me feeling more alone than when I have been single and unattached. At least if I am unattached, I have no expectations and so cannot be disappointed. 

This would be better than remaining in damaging relationships for far too long as I have done in the past. If one partner is busy or intentionally disappoints me, I am not left alone. If one partner leaves, it does not leave me emotionally devastated with nobody to share my feelings with. 

It is not a question that I have the capacity to love more than one person. 

Considering most of my past relationships have also made me feel incomplete in some way because I always felt they could only relate to me in limited ways, seeing as my personality apparently is more complex than most. So, having more than one partner would at least allow me to feel more complete in the relationships. 

Of course, infectious disease is a concern. I plan on using protection, at least until all partners are tested, including myself. 

So, this is the course I am going to follow, or at least try to follow. 

Feeling better

The past week or so has been really rough emotionally. 

I think no small part of it is because I fell into a damaging cycle. I started drinking too much and had little or no appetite. So, for a number of days the majority of my caloric intake was actually from alcohol. Which, being mostly carbs, means I fell into a cycle of hypoglycemia, which has drastic emotional effects. 

In addition, I was not taking my supplements as I should. I did take medications but know I forgot supplements a few times. So, my iron my well have been low, leaving me prone to anemia.

Got a reply from the woman I mentioned. I have come to the absolute conclusion I dodged a bullet on this. She is emotionally and possibly psychologically unstable, irresponsible and immature. So, I am much better off with her not wanting to remain friends or maintain contact. No telling how that would wind up. 

Since getting my diet back to somewhat normal and reducing drinking, I am feeling much better. Regained my own emotional balance. In fact, being released from all emotional commitments has made me feel far more balanced than I have for some while. I have no more internal conflicts going on about whether I am cheating, being disloyal or unfair. 

My gf has been saying she misses me and is depressed. That does make me feel bad but at the same time, I don't see any difference. She was always depressed any way. It did not start with the pandemic and kept getting worse, along with her distance and seeming apathy toward my feelings. 

The gathering I had considered for tonight was cancelled. Not enough responses. I'll try again for next Wed. I'll still have it even if only guys show up. Least it would be someone to talk to that I can relate to at some level, assuming any are Dom or Sub. 

Instead, tonight I picked up an extra shift. Signed up for next Tue night, also. Staffing is seriously short and the extra money will be a benefit in the long term. Not like I have anything else to do. 

I think for the next schedule I am going to schedule myself off on Thur and Fri nights. Maybe, just maybe that will give me some chance at having a social life. I'm not sure. I still hate being in crowds and there's no place for karaoke here. Nah, I'll hold off on that. If I meet someone that I am interested in enough and things seem stable enough to try, I can change my schedule later. 

This is what I need most of all. Stability, consistency, loyalty. Those things indicate caring. After that come affection and intimacy. Things I lacked with my gf. Thought were possible with the other one. I've really concluded that people in AL are especially unreliable and unstable. It's in the culture. They consider it normal and expected. So, if I meet anyone with those values, they are most likely to be from out of state. 

New Change of Direction

Well, since my social life has been so pathetic, as has my romantic life for so long, I have decided to make a change. 

I know the woman I sent the apology to is not going to respond. I have no delusions. It is entirely possible I dodged a bullet on that one. Maybe I was falling into what would have been another harmful and toxic relationship. Better it ended when it did. 

Yes, I could be wrong about that as well. Maybe she thinks the same about me. Never know since we did not have the time to know each other better. 

Any way, the BDSM community here has not been having any kind of gatherings or alternatives since this entire virus thing began. The way I feel about it now is that most precautions are fairly useless. It's far too late. Especially with things opening back up and so many using no precautions at all, people will contract it or not. 

People are getting antsy. Including me. So, I am going to try setting up a BDSM discussion/social group at my house, maybe on a weekly basis. I will start this week. 

I am still the same, I want a monogamous relationship. These meetings will not be swingers parties. It's fine if people make arrangements for their own hookups outside my house but I'm not interested in having a bunch of strangers having sex in my house and having to clean up afterward. I am not going to be looking for any polyamorous arrangements for myself, either. Though it could be  possibility I could meet someone compatible at such meetings or through a social contact made at one of these meetings. If not, at least it gives me a chance for a social life and make some friends.

One problem with the meetings that have taken place here are that they have been in public spaces. A sandwich place. I feel like that limits conversation and suppresses expression. Nobody can drink, smoke, toke or truly relax. Graphic discussion must be kept quiet as to not offend other customers, since it is a family place. (I tend to wonder if the ones arranging the meetings are the franchise owners.) 

So, if I hold the meetings at my house, I can make them BYOB, adult only. People can smoke on the deck, drink as they please, etc. If someone is exhibitionistic, they can feel free to disrobe. 

My screen name on Fetlife is montgomerymaster. So, maybe it's time I live up to that screen name.