Better night at work

Had a good night at work last night. Second time I worked the front pill room. First time sucked hard. I was not prepared because the training was inadequate, so I was playing it completely by ear. Using what little knowledge I had to merely survive the night. Last night was far different. I used what I learned from the first night and blasted through all that had to be done. People were quire surprised I finished everything as rapidly as I did and then I went out for a cigarette. 

I love shocked expressions when I get organized.


On the other hand, I get home and still in a depressive cycle. Think I'll just wallow in it. Why not? Not like anyone is here to drag me out of it. 

GF says she will come by this evening after her class and before I go to work. Honestly, I'm not holding my breath for it to happen right now. If she does, great, if not.. Basically, I'm tired of getting my hopes up. 


Guess I have mentioned I am tired of spending this much time alone. Really considering what I need to do, how I can take control of my own circumstances to stop spending so much time alone. I was going to go to the gym this morning. Then the maintenance men said they would be here before 8:30 this morning. It's 10 and they have not been here. So I guess that and the doctor is what I will do tomorrow or Fri morning. 


Have to find something to do with my time. 

Alone again, naturally

So, gf texted and said her blood sugar was over 300, which is bad for her. Been trying to get her to get insulin as a backup to her oral meds for some time. She keeps avoiding it.

So, she had to go to urgent care. They gave her insulin and an IV to flush ketones. 

She won't be over this evening as planned. That's okay. I haven't taken a nap yet. Tried to but it didn't work. Try again shortly.

I'm used to being alone in relationships. Last relationship I was alone for all ten years. Just not so much physically. I convinced myself at times I was not alone. That was all. Part of me always knew it. 

Haven't heard anything back from the company yet. I'll call tomorrow morning if I don't hear from them by then. 

Depressive cycle?

I think I'm sinking into a depressive cycle. All the evidence is there.

Not like suicidal or anything like that. Been having less interest and more easily annoyed. 

I feel basically involuntarily isolated to a large degree. Not enough work this week. Which slightly dims finances in the near future. Making enough to live on but cuts that thinner than I like and not moving forward at all. 

Glad I finally got hold of the company yesterday, as not reaching them last week made things worse. Hope to hear something back from them today or tomorrow, get some orientation done at other places next week. 

Lack of sex and my desires ignored/discounted/whatever laves me feeling like I am merely here for my gf. Nothing about me really matters much. Feeling unattractive. Not much motivation to do anything about it at the moment. Tired of mentioning it. 

Maybe my disrupted sleep schedule sparked this. I should be happy that I have a second vehicle but having an additional payment is a stress. Plus it costs more for insurance. 

Still thinking of signing on for a second job. Just because it would be more secure. If I don't get enough hours at this job, can pick up more at the other. Though PRN work here works strangely. They think it comes with a commitment on your part but not on theirs. 

I guess that defines everything. Seems like all the commitments I have entered into are asking of me but my needs are invalidated. Story of modern life. Story of my life. 

Not much to do here. Not that I know of. I do need to get out more and explore. 

Maybe doing more political writing would help but not even feeling like doing that lately. The news cycle seems dynamic to some people but honestly it's static. Stuck on the same thing day after day and that's mostly sensationalism. The real stories like the fall of the economy go suppressed, downplayed. 

Oh, well. Try and get more sleep later. Maybe get to the doctor. 

Update 6-25-18

GF came over this afternoon. Said she was going to get here early. Got here after 5. With food. Said she had a sexy surprise for me. She ate. We watched Netflix. She had to leave.

Oh, well. My libido is at ebb tide lately. I understand her health, her life position and all of that. I just don't want to be a caregiver all the time. I don't want to be understanding all the time. Once in a while, I want to be the one getting a massage, being served, being pleased. Nothing unfair or unreasonable about that. 

Finally got hold of the corporate office. They are checking into me orienting at other facilities, probably next week. This paycheck will be a little short but enough to live on. I'll be happy to get oriented to other facilities, make my income more secure. Especially now that I have the second vehicle. 

I still need to set an appointment or do a walk-in to see my doc for a refill prescription before my anti-spasmodic runs out. I take so little of the sleeping med that I have numerous refills left. 

My new piercing tapers came in. Got a set of like 50 of them but most are WAY too big for me. I really only need the smallest ones, to dilate my ear piercing so it doesn't close up within a few days if I don't have a stud in place. The large set was just the best value and contained the sizes I wanted. 

The stock market dropped by over 300 points by the end of the day again today. Better than it could have been because it dropped nearly 500 points earlier in the day. I was watching the swing up and down all day long. The stair step phenomenon I had written about before. Caused by stocks dropping in price, being bought and then sold again. Soon the buying will stop. I really expected this to take place over days or weeks, not hours. This indicates the bottom is going to drop out soon. People are squeezing that last pennies out of those stocks before cashing out completely. So the real crash may come as soon as this week. Next week at the latest. 

Just as I predicted, in the heat of summer. This has been my most accurate prediction to date. I outlined the exact steps which would occur. Some things I did not see coming and I did not expect certain things to happen in such close succession. I understand why they did. Just to push back the crash because those steps are integral. It really is being manipulated at the very top. 

Several top economists and financial experts are admitting a crash is going to occur. They are NOT honest about when. They claim it will happen late this year or later. They KNOW it's happening now. Of course, they are admitting it to blame Trump. Trump is making it worse but is not the sole cause. 

In my writing it can sometimes sound like I am joyous about the fall of the US Empire. Not entirely true but not untrue. The US Empire must fall if the world has any chance at anything resembling peace. It also MUST happen for many, if not most Americans to wake up and see just how much damage we have caused and continue to cause globally. Small examples will not get through to them. NK and SK holding peace talks, the EU getting ready to eject the US on many levels, people blind to rising censorship, the situation in Venezuela, the EU refusing to enforce further US-devised sanctions on Russia and Iran, ISIS being defeated in Syria against the efforts of the US but with help from Russia. So much more. People who watch corporate media have no idea and don't want to. It will not be until it blindsides them that it will hit home. Even then they think we will wage war, when we will not have the resources to do even that this time. So this is mandatory. It is the only way things will change for the better. 

Not much change

Have not heard back from the company about orienting at other facilities. If I'm not going to hear back from them, I think I will look at a second job with the jail. I'll wait until this evening and do that.

Daughter and I had a good weekend. She seems much closer to me since we had that talk. It's actually surprising. I'm very happy about it. We didn't do much but play games and watch videos. Went to the gym because she wanted to. That was a surprise. She really is interested in it for her health, so I'm giving her advice on that.

Not seeing much of gf lately. She said she will be over early today. No Dom Day yet. Not expecting it to happen any time soon. Maybe not ever. Seems more and more like something which will be relegated to fantasy. Not meaning I think she does not love me, just that this is something she has overstated. 

Still battling chronic fatigue. Heat lately is not helping. I don't have the tolerance for it I used to. 

Was going to get more house cleaning done today. So of course the water is turned off. Why? No idea.

Now I have a battle going on with the apartment office because they closed a work order without doing the work. The sink sprayer has been leaking for 2 1/2 months. I have asked about it at the office at least twice. I finally got pissed when they closed the work order. I took it up the chain to the corporate office. 

Met the Indian (from India) female neighbor in person for the first time today. Almost a shame we're both attached. She's very short and really attractive. If we were both single, I'd have to try and get to know her better. Of course, looks are not everything by a long shot. 

Predictions coming true

Of late, my predictions have been coming true. The really creepy part is how accurate they are to this point regarding the timeline. 

It's not happening all at once. Slowly enough for the wise to take heed and the foolish to continue thinking things will rebound. 

Other countries have started slowing the creation of currency which they used to buy US Treasuries and stocks. Many countries are now selling US Treasuries. Now countries, especially China and Russia, have cut new investments in the US by over 90%. 

The next step is going to be the mass selling off of US stocks. Even the US has slowed creation of currency, trying to reduce the number of dollars in circulation to prop up the value of the dollar. The Fed is expected to increase interest rates as soon as this month. Which freezes the buybacks of stocks with 0% loans. Once the market caps, the selloff begins.

How do I know this? Because investors only invest to make money from selling. When it is clear the market will go no higher, they want to sell at peak. And they will stumble over each other in the rush to do so. There is no place to go but down. 

In the efforts to keep making more profits, domestic corporations suppress wages and eliminate jobs. Either by closing or automation. What that does is eliminate more consumers. The cycle continues downward. Fewer consumers mean fewer sales. Fewer sales mean even fewer jobs needed for production or retail. And on down we go. 

Meanwhile MSM has continued the rant about how great we're doing because the stock market is up. Now that illusion will come to an end. 

I predicted several things back in 2001 and before that. Just seems the bigger the effect the more accurate my predictions are. These events I have been predicting for over ten years.

The biggest problem is that when we keep going downward, the illusions are stripped away and jobs no longer exist, social support systems are decimated (eliminating even MORE consumers and jobs), that is the formula for the civil war I have also predicted. Toss in the recent immigration frenzy and that civil war has become a certainty. It is no longer an abstract in any form. Sure enough, like my prediction, it's coming at the worst time. The heat of summer.

New (to me) car

Went after work this morning to look at cars. I bought one. The CL option doesn't work so well here, so now I have a car payment. It's not high. $180 a month. 

I hope to hell I don't regret this. It sometimes seems like having a car payment is a jinx on me. Let me hope I have outlived that curse. 

In any case, it's a decent car. Hyundai Elantra, 2005. AC works. Has good gas mileage. Looks nice. 

One would think the car buying process would have streamlined in the past 25 years. Not so much. I was sitting there for hours. Got there when they first opened at 8:30 and did not walk out until nearly noon. 

Crappy night at work. Had someone with a head injury. Only order the doctor gave was for a neck xray because the guy was complaining of neck pain. He was hit on the head with an industrial can opener. I guess they're going to wait until he becomes comatose or has seizures. 

I got pissed when one of the other nurses rewrote my charting, downplaying the severity of the injury. Then the doctor did not arrive for almost 2 hours. Of course the charge nurse did not want to be bothered with calling him. 

Going to call tomorrow morning and see about orienting at other facilities. That was a major reason for getting another vehicle. Since I was getting nervous about the timing belt on the van. Now I have the ability to drive further, burn less gas and have AC. And less likely to break down. Of course, no guarantees but chances are good. 

Not much happening.

Just dropped daughter at her mother's. Have to work tonight and only slept about 5 hours last night, so going back to bed shortly.

GF's neck and shoulder still in pain and pain killers plus muscle relaxers are too much for her to drive safely. Won't see her today but did not expect to because of the same reasons. 

Think I will see what time two car dealers open in the morning. If early enough, I'll go looking after work. If not, I'll go after some sleep in the morning. 

I'm not feeling so great. UC has been acting up for a few days. Not badly, just not feeling my best. Not much of an appetite and uncomfortable. Better make a protein drink for later. Can't afford to lose more weight. 

Not a bad weekend with daughter but nothing exciting. Grilled, looked at cars at a closed lot in the rain. We seem to be talking more. I'm really happy about that. She made me a cake and gave me a jewelry box for my ear studs for Father's Day. Good choice on the present, I love it! Did a great job on the cake!

I'm horny as hell. Guess I allowed myself to become too hopeful about things we had discussed and ideas in my own head. Oh, well. 

Crappy night

Had a crappy night in some ways last night. Biggest issue at hand was the charge nurse and the doctor having virtually no concern for a patient because he is an inmate. He has a history of seizures, has an electrical neural implant and was having repeated seizures last night. Nothing got done for him.

In the end, I learned certain steps I can take to lessen the effects of their inaction, just to make things safer. So it appears I will have to wrest control from certain people for the sake of medical ethics. Won't be the first time in my career. 

One of my friends said they need a Dom at work. So I guess that is the role I will play. Not for pleasure in this case. 

I've mentioned my leg pain before. Thought it was a pulled ligament. Did not think it was sciatic nerve pain but now it's looking like that's exactly what it was. Just out of curiosity, I tried doing some stretches meant to release partially entrapped nerves. Shortly after, my leg started feeling better. I think I may have pinched it some weeks back while doing leg presses or squats. I seem to recall feeling like I had strained a muscle at one point. Could also have happened while doing hip raises. Any way, I'll keep doing the stretches and see if it keeps improving. 

GF fell off the sofa and injured her neck, causing shoulder pain and not being able to use her arm. No matter what she says, I tend to wonder about all the injuries she has.

Also have to be honest. This happens again right after I mention wanting a Dom Day. So, obviously not going to happen this week. Again. She was doing physically better and we both had time this week. I delayed picking up more shifts this week but now I guess I will call Mon morning about more shifts, as she cannot even drive if she cannot use her arm. She's in a sling. 

Application for a car loan got turned down. Not unexpected. So, I'll have to keep looking for something I can buy outright or take a higher interest, no-credit-check loan. Long as the interest isn't too high I can handle that. Just go for a low cost vehicle that I can pay off in a fairly short time. Maybe 2 years. Keep the van and fix it to use for trips and hauling things. 

Guess I'm not completely unattractive. I've had a few women passively follow me in stores lately. Today an attractive blonde kept appearing on the same aisle as me in the store, lastly showing up at the register right behind me. Never talked to her. Not cheating on my gf and besides, daughter was with me. Still makes you feel good to notice that kind of thing happening. Though it does suck to a degree that they are so passive. On the other hand, the passive ones are likely to be submissive. Just a thought, as I won't be finding out. 

Anemic again

Last night I cut myself shaving. It wasn't a bad cut but was still seeping at 2 AM. Then I checked my blood sugar in the morning. Sugar was fine but it took 10 minutes to stop bleeding.

Lately been easily fatigued and winded. Did not seem normal but could not figure that out. Plus I lost 6 lbs, which I knew was not good.

The bleeding issue confirmed it. I fell back into anemia. Not eating enough protein. So I started a routine today. Had a protein shake this morning. Mixed another and put in the fridge for when I woke up. Drank that and made another for when I get home in the morning. Plus I doubled my iron intake. 

Been through this more than once. It should resolve quickly. Maybe by tomorrow afternoon. That also probably has had an effect on my libido. So that should improve.

Got good news from my drug dealing next door neighbors. They will be moving at the end of July. Asta!!!

Have not yet called the company about orientation next week. Do that in the morning. This morning I applied for a car loan online with my credit union. Not seeing many vehicles for sale by owners here at a reasonable price. Rather get the loan through the credit union and walk in to a dealership with approval in hand. I know it would be better terms. If not, I can go with in-house financing. Applied for a $4k loan with 3 year term. I could pay it off faster. 

Oriented

Obviously I am fairly well oriented to my job now. Tue night we were short one nurse. So I had the "honor" of doing the job of two nurses. Got it all done in required time. Had some people seeming like they tried throwing stumbling blocks in my way but I jumped over each one and stayed calm throughout. They just don't realize that I have been through so much real stress with lives on the line that things like this pose no problem to me. 

Fantasies

I told gf a couple of days ago that, when she is better medically, I need a Dom Day with her.

I have some specific fantasies involved with this. I will not recount them here, that's very private. While the physical expression of this is overtly sexual, the underlying truth is that it is an emotional issue. It is a bonding, a trust, an intensity beyond where we have gone. Beyond what I have done with anyone. 

However, I get the feeling that is what she has resisted. Not saying it is a conscious resistance. I don't think it is conscious. I know she is not afraid of me physically. She knows I would not harm her. I think she fears the emotional intensity. She fears a closer bond than we have until it is made permanent by living together. We still have not had our ceremony. Yet we wear rings. The rings by definition are basically disposable. The ceremony is not. It runs deeper for both of us symbolically. 

So fine, I can wait for the ceremony. However, the other part is something I want to happen sooner rather than later. This is important to me. It's an actual need for me. 

Lately my libido has been at low tide, so that's not the issue here. But that does rise in tandem with my emotions, which have always been directly linked with my libido. Something my ex/es could never comprehend. 

Have to get to work.

Achy

Feeling achy. I know what that is. Just the effect of swinging my biological schedule around like a cat by the tail. It's an analogy. I would not do that. 

I did get a short nap yesterday. GF did come over and I was happy to spend some time with her. Even at loss of sleep. Had not seen her but for a couple of hours last week and that was after more than a week prior. 

She had to go to a funeral in Birmingham today. She is very sad because it was her favorite remaining uncle. She also felt guilty because he had been sick while she had been sick and she was unable to visit him before he passed. Then tomorrow she has an UGI which she has been waiting for and had to suspend some medications for, for the second time in a short period. 

So I know I won't get to see her until at least Thur and even then I work Wed and Thur nights, so that time will be limited. 

I did get some decent rest today. Really needed that. Have not been sleeping long enough in addition to the schedule swings. So feeling that. 

Did not make it to the gym this morning because of fatigue. Maybe tomorrow. Though tonight may be a rough night. We're expected to be one nurse short. So I will be taking on the role of two nurses, while another nurse takes over a spot she doesn't normally do. We work together well, so we'll get through it. Just a question of what condition we'll be in when it's over! lol!

I have to make a decision by 7/10/18 on my future living arrangements. Seems fairly definite I will not have the money for a down payment on a house by 9/10/18, which is when my lease ends. This complex requires notification of move-out 60 days in advance. So, I have to gather a down payment and find a house, rent a new place or extend my lease. If I rent, it would mean moving again, then moving once more when I buy a place. Not liking that idea much. 

In the meantime, I also need to get another vehicle. Plus I need new glasses and should get a new set of dentures. In addition, I am trying to get more furniture (mostly dressers) to help organize. I think one more will do it. Talked with daughter again and she doesn't want one for her room. Eventually, I will still get one. I know she likes keeping things consolidated at her mother's house but I'd rather she at least have the means to keep things here if she so chooses. 

I'll get it all figured out somehow. Have to up my hours at work because I only have two shifts next week. Those are on Mon and Wed, so I can't pick up a different shift (morning or evening) Tue or Thur. That would destroy me physically. Maybe Fri morning if available. But it's a good opportunity of possible to get oriented to another facility, which expands my future choices for work. I'll check on that tomorrow. 

Caregiver

Daughter and I went to the local zoo this weekend, thanks to the annual pass my friends sent us. It was nice. I had been under the impression it was much smaller than it is. It is clean and well kept. Rather expensive but zoos are not cheap to maintain. Happy I got daughter out to do something that involved some walking for a change. I can understand this weekend, for the most part. Cramps. 

Right now I don't expect to see my gf this evening. That's okay, I need to get a nap before work. It's just that she had said she would come by early this afternoon. So I figured I could do both.

I've barely seen her last couple of weeks now. She has had illness and her heart cath. I understand all of that. However, we rarely talk about anything but her illness any more. I feel like a distant caregiver. I'm fine with being a caregiver inside the relationship but not when that is my ONLY role. She also has a GI procedure on Wed. Then her uncle died yesterday. 

No matter how much I love her, I see myself putting myself aside completely. Done that before too many times. It does not end well if it continues that way. 

Any way, I have 5 night shifts this week and 2 next week. So this week I will call and see if I can arrange to orient at another facility or two at night next week. 

Start getting to the gym after work this week. Didn't happen last week. 

I'm tired. Going to take a nap now. Don't want to be a zombie at work. It's hard turning my schedule back and forth. 

Gut issues, sleep loss

Having sleep disruption. Partly because of my work schedule. Worked Tue and Wed nights, off last night. Slept during the day yesterday. Then got up, thought gf was coming over but she was throwing up, so didn't. Fell back asleep a little after 2 and woke up at 4:40. Stomach issues. Probably because of a chicken sandwich from BK last night.

That's easing up. Try and take a nap before gf comes over later. Assuming she makes it.

I really do need to expand my social circle. She is the only adult I can talk to right now. When she is sick, the only thing she wants to talk about is her illness. She's better in person but definitely that way online. Then, I do not get to see her. I'm not even sure when the last time was that I did see her. Last Tue, I think. So, with stretches like this alone, I do get lonely. Nothing abnormal about that. Can't really even get into any in depth discussions with my coworkers because they just don't think the way I do. I'll just say they have a lot more of a rural/homey mindset, for the most part. Nothing wrong with it by any means, it's just not how I am. I don't think I even dare tell them I watch RT. 

My paycheck wasn't quite as high as I had hoped. I probably miscalculated. Next one should be a bit higher. Not by a lot but slightly. Though at this rate, I will only have a few hundred over living expenses. I need to pick up more hours. 

My allergies are better than a couple of weeks ago. Just have not had a lot of energy this week. Still want to start picking up hours at other facilities, so have to arrange that. 

Furniture and more

When I first got here, I conserved money in some ways. Was not sure what the future was going to hold. 

One major thing I held back on was furniture because it's not cheap. 

Now I am beginning to slowly change that. Ordered a dresser for my room. Asked daughter if she wanted one and she said no. I am still going to get one for her room but I wanted to receive and assemble my own to assess the quality. It arrived yesterday. It's almost together and I will finish it today, then decide. So far it looks okay. Not fancy or expensive but decent. 

I also plan on getting a desk for her room. When she's over here, she spends most of her time in the same room with me and I like it that way. But I want her to feel comfortable and at home. 

I may order one more for the dining room, just for additional storage to better organize. 

Right now I'm waiting for carpet cleaners. This will be the first time I pay someone else to clean my carpets instead of doing it myself. But they had a special and it was cheaper than renting a machine. Moved all the furniture around to be ready. Just need to vacuum quickly. 

Paused, vacuumed, ready to go.

Not sure I mentioned it last night but one aspect of the ex starting this garbage at this specific time is that I just increased the child support without being asked and concurrently started giving daughter an allowance. Daughter wants to earn some money but the options on that fell out from under her. Just more of local people being flakes. Someone made a promise and then backed out. That seems pretty common here. 

I may go up a little more on her allowance if I get more hours. She claims she does not want more but she is really averse to asking for anything. I love her independence but while she is responsible, she is 15 and it's summer. 

In any case, it's annoying. 

GF is still tired. Understandable. Very little sleep and a lot of stress for the past week. Not just the procedure but setting up a large neighborhood event almost single-handedly while also dealing with her asshole husband who became publicly verbally abusive. He usually keeps that hidden but is escalating. He does not know about us, he just knows his control has slipped. 

Even if he knew, he is not man enough to confront me. Not too worried he would assault her because he could not handle the thought of prison. Plus he is so driven by money he knows if he did that he would lose everything. I still think he is gay and just trying to hide it by being married. Worst part is if he admitted it, it would make things easier. She would not say anything publicly but it would give her more freedom on many levels. I am NOT kidding when I say when he refers to going to the gym, it means he is going to Jim. 

Updates on a few things

My gf had to have another heart catheterization today. This is the third one in 18 months. Mostly because of an hereditary condition. This one was clear, I am happy to say.

I really think a cath was not necessary. I think this could have been determined by an echocardiogram and I had urged her to ask for that before going forward with the cath.

I talked her into asking for a CT scan of chest and abdomen. Think it's best with recurrent problems and her medical history. 

The ex is trying to start some kind of conflict again. Tossing daughter in the middle. There may have been some mild misunderstanding where daughter thought I had lied about gf's name. She did know gf is married. I figured she had picked up on that. So daughter and I had a talk this weekend. I explained that I love this woman and where she is at is not good. Explained I have every intention of spending the rest of my life with my gf. 

As far as the ex is concerned, I'm not sure what her problem is. She has nothing to gain from such conflict. Has her husband cheated? I don't know, not going to ask, don't care, not my monkeys, not my circus. Maybe she is actually angry that I moved this distance and am not crashing and burning? Instead, I upped the child support, gave daughter some money and am managing to keep most of the schedule the ex wants. I doubt that it is jealousy. It may be because I am healthier and look younger than I did 14 years ago in spite of my health conditions. Or that I have the ability to quit 3 jobs since I got here and go up in pay and flexibility with each jump. She wants to judge me, which is ludicrous considering things she has done and I am sure continues even now. I have friends who have hinted. Once again, not my circus, not my monkeys. 

In any case, if she does something to hurt me or my gf I will utilize resources I have never used before. I'll contact my legal friends, media friends and hacker friends. I'll hold nothing back. Then print every vindictive email she has sent and give them to my daughter. Let her know who her mother really is. I still have some from years back. You don't use my daughter against me and you don't go after my gf with no reason. It's nothing but hate for the sake of hate. But that's nothing new for her. That is why I am healthier, happier and look younger now than 14 years ago. 

I just don't get it. If she needed help, I would help her. Not because I have any feelings for her, God no! Just because that's who I am and because I do not want daughter to suffer along the way. 

Better off not trying to understand it. I won't get any actual answers. She will just make me out to be an asshole and her a victim before she discusses anything like an adult. I don't care what the answers are, any way. I just don't care to get into some useless conflict where nobody wins anything. 

Finally got a call back about shifts at work this week. On Sunday afternoon. So I picked up 3 night shifts. That's working out best. Finally ran the numbers and when I work second shift I make $2 an hours less than in Abq. I can handle that. Not sure how much I will make on night shift. May be the same or more. In any case, my check this week will be higher than my first one. I want to work enough to make most checks higher than that. I already make about double my living expenses. So hope to have enough to buy a house in a few months. 

I plan on starting to get to the gym again after work, too. Not every day but at least twice a week. 

Not focusing on sex any more. Allergies wiped that out. Or rather antihistamines did. Taking so many they basically destroyed my libido. Oh, well. If I had known that when I was younger I would have taken tons more antihistamines. But there are a lot more on the market now than there were then. So that would not have been an option. Better off that way at the moment, with gf being sick.