Stupid Bowl weekend

So, it's Stupid Bowl weekend. Going to avoid any place with a beer section this weekend. Probably a good weekend for daughter and I to hit the museums. No testosterone jockeys or their mindless followers will be found dead within 2 miles of a museum this weekend. 

I actually found it rather humorous when I got my testosterone labs back. My level is in the high  normal range. That places it almost twice normal for my age. (In fact, nearly twice what is normal for men half my age, these days. Not kidding.) So, all the stories about how men with normal to high testosterone levels are mindless, all football fans is complete BS. It has nothing to do with hormones. Hormones are just another excuse for stupidity and intellectual laxity.

Even many video games are better. At least they involve some form of problem solving. Plus people drink less when playing video games than watching football. And if they challenge each other, it's on video game battles, not bar fights. And unless you smash the controller on your forehead (which a serious gamer would absolutely never do), not much risk of concussion or broken bones. 

Okay. Tonight is house cleaning night. Need to get to it.

Less embarrassing

I've had two embarrassing problems for a long time. Gas and a bad odor from it. Most of it comes from the damage to the intestines I've experienced. 

Now I'm doing something about those problems. I had never tried Beano because of the price. Now Walmart is carrying a store brand of the same product, 100 caps for about $5. They work! They do reduce gas by 80-90 percent! However, not odor from the remaining gas. One good thing about this is it decreases stress on my digestive system as I am trying to let my system heal. Too much gas is like stretching skin with an open wound. 

Second thing is for odor, which hasn't arrived yet but should today. Chlorophyll and Mint capsules. I used to use chlorophyll tablets years ago and know they work as a natural body deodorant. 

I admit I have avoided being in public situations at times the last few years because of these problems. Time to deal with them.

Thing to understand is that gas like that is both a sign and a cause of health problems. A sign something isn't right. Then too much gas forces itself into the bloodstream, displacing oxygen and also forcing waste into the blood. Not a good situation.  

More New Mexico facts

Okay, latest information to hit the news- 

New Mexico has the highest rate of rape in the United States. National average is 1 out of  women have been raped. In New Mexico, the number is 1 out of 4. That's an increase of 20 percent. 

And those numbers do not include males or children under the age of 12.

So, with so many people having told me my views are skewed, I decided it is far past time to defend my position with hard information. I'm not including references. Anybody wants to argue the point can look up the same information.

New Mexico has the highest rate of child and adult hunger of all the states.

55 percent of the residents of this state are dependent in some way on the federal government. That number does not include people dependent on state or local government. 

The literacy rate in this state is lower than Mexico. The statistics vary from source to source because of differing methods. However, all the numbers agree. 

This is the only state to have decreased in population for at least the last 3 consecutive years. 

It's well known that the Albuquerque Police Department is being investigated for excessive use of deadly force. Top that off with several incidents of excessive force by the State Police which made the national news. 

I think that's enough. Most of the rest is personal view. Outdated management methods based on standards that never actually worked. Dependent mentalities and possessive social values. Apathy as a cultural standard. Education and intelligence viewed as a negative. (But tattoos are a positive.) Not looking it up but I would guess New Mexico has one of the highest percentages of prison convicts (present and past). 

All of that and I am made to defend my views? Only for people who agree with the standards here.

Encouragement

Today looked like I would fall slightly short of my 70 cases. In the end, I pulled ahead and came out at 76. 

Took a battle to get time off scheduled for my test. Scheduled it for 2/18. Took that day and President's Day off. Asked the ex if she wanted me to keep daughter part of that day but she says no. That's okay, she and daughter have limited concurrent days off together. They need days with no work or school. 

I was startled today. My supervisor was giving unveiled hints regarding me becoming a supervisor at some point. She was telling me many of the advantages of being a supervisor, unasked. Told her she'll have to give me more information on the subject in the future. She said she will. Just yet, I'm not ready for that. I want to feel a little more confident in the job. 

Some of the benefits are more choice in schedule, more pay and no battle to have time off approved. Of course, down sides are more work and may require longer hours. Plus it would require me to write yearly performance assessments about the people I supervise, which I haven't done in many years. 

Something to think about and shoot for. Proof there is room for growth in this company. One thing I don't want to be is an auditor, if I can avoid it. 

Poor memory

One negative thing I've been experiencing lately is a poor memory. Not like that's anything new for me. However, I've been forgetting a lot more than usual of late. Like starting the taxes Mon night. Also meant to and forgot several times to call before work or during break to schedule my medical test. Finally did that yesterday. 

Oh, well. I'm sure it will pass soon.

Just in case I can't break with cigarettes, I ordered some more juice for the electronic cigarette. Hasn't arrived yet. Thing is, this is menthol flavored but has no nicotine. It would help with the habit part and the menthol. It also would not interfere with my speech while I'm on the phone. The menthol cough drops help a bit when I'm not on the phone. 

Need to get the legs mounted on daughter's bed tonight. 

Now that my energy is returning and days are getting longer, I need to start getting things done around here. I'm embarrassed by the mess around here. Just haven't had the time and energy to deal with all of it. That has to change. Not going to make excuses for the past. Things are changing for the better. 

Feeling strange

Feeling kind of strange. Not in a bad way. In fact, not badly. Kind of light headed but clear minded. Best comparison I can make is like when you're sick for an extended period of time and then get better. The formal illness is gone but the body has to heal. 

Part of this is purging the effects of 40 years of smoking. Another part is overcoming months or years of Candidiasis (which was leading to a Celiac reaction). 

This all means there are multiple changes happening throughout my body at all levels, down to subcellular. 

Still smoking a small amount but tolerance for it is dropping. 

Not all of it is good. Frequent headaches but they are mild. 

Back on track for work. Had 87 cases today, with no extra hours involved. So, getting closer to my goal of 90 cases per day. At 87, I'm averaging 11 cases per hour, which can still be hard when I feel my brain cells dying while listening to some callers. I am sometimes keeping an extra window open, so while they are placing me on hold or spending long periods looking for vague information (like why the test is ordered..) I can be working on another case. Or two. Or three..

Started my taxes tonight. Not feeling too hopeful on a refund. Turns out I still have to wait for some documents. They should be out this week. And I have some of the longest parts of my taxes entered. Can finish them up quickly when I get the rest of the items. 

Oops

I kept feeling like I was forgetting something I was going to do last night. Just recalled what it was. Taxes. Oops! Oh, well.

For once, I appear to have everything available that I need to complete my taxes before Jan 31st! Some online and some offline. May take me an hour or so but not too long to finish. I'm anxious just to find out if I'm going to get a refund. With 3 employers and unemployment to claim, not sure what to expect. 

I'm still smoking but mostly out of habit and taste. The taste is becoming less enjoyable and the habit is slowly fading. Had about 6 yesterday. 

Corrected

So, the ex corrected me on the song my daughter likes. It is by Tristan Prettyman and is a cheerful song. The only reference I saw last night to a song by the same name was by Of Monsters and Men. Guess I did not look far enough.

The cheerful one sounds a lot more like daughter. However, I admit I am apprehensive about her upcoming teenage years. 

I still think it's a good idea for me/us to try and get out and socialize more. I've been a bad example on that point. (On the good side of that, it does set the example that you do not need constant attention to be happy. You can also be happy outside of a relationship, which is not mandatory.)

Not a bad day today. Slightly slower than expected. Seriously frustrated by the network hiccups. I'm seriously going to check with IT and see if it's possible to upgrade the RAM in my company computer. Maybe that would help but not sure. Since it does freeze and sometimes crash if I have too much open, that does seem to indicate the memory is being overloaded. 

Not much going on tonight. Taking a soak, watching a movie.

Shotgun

The time is getting much closer that I need to buy a shotgun. Daughter is showing more interest in love songs and boys. She has a crush on Ross Lynch. (I sure prefer him over any other teen idol!)

She told me one of her favorite songs is "Love Love Love". I looked the song up on YouTube this morning and can't say I'm all that thrilled. Sounds like a song she was probably exposed to by her mother. 

I'm going to have to expose daughter to some healthier, happier songs about love. To give her a more positive view and soundtrack to that aspect of her life before it begins. I don't want to see her go through life actively seeking out dysfunctional relationships like so many people do.

On that note, maybe my thinking on dating is skewed. Maybe I do need to date, possibly involve daughter in the process, so she can see what a healthy approach is. Such as getting involved in group activities where you can socialize with other people. Making friends. Possibly finding an attraction and building from the ground up. Quite possibly failing a time or two and living through it without being destroyed by it. 

Cutting down

The Chantix is helping quite a bit now. I smoked 5 cigarettes yesterday. About that many today. That's 1/4 what I was smoking only a few days ago. 

I will not claim I am not going through any withdrawal. It is more gradual than without Chantix. I know well from experience. That's because of the gradual increasing dosage. The way it claims to work (and I believe so far is accurate) is to block nicotine receptors. Not as a replacement but to actually block nicotine's effects on the brain.

There are other effects from cigarettes to overcome. Some of those can have less severe but still noticeable mental effects. However, they are also more short lived. 

Think I should completely stop smoking sometime this week. 

Daughter and I didn't do a whole lot this weekend. Went shopping. Big thing to her was going to Petsmart. She loves to go there and just look at all the animals. However, she wanted to get tags and collars for our dogs. She picked some fairly expensive tags but said she would pay for them with money she had saved up. 

I paid for the tags. I did take part of her money. Let her keep some of it because Valentine's Day is coming up and because I'm not going to take all her money. Main point was not the money but the lesson of not everything being just handed to her. To be responsible with money and sure she wants something before buying it. What she does not know is that I will do this now and in the future in such cases. Then place the money in a special place and give it back to her all at once later, like when she has a car or goes to college. 

We also went swimming today. Got one of her favorite take-home meals for dinner last night and watched a couple of movies.

I have been considering dating again. However, not much in my mind is really in favor of it. I'm not very trusting any more. Not intensely dependent and not tolerant of dependence. Of course, apprehensive about my appearance due to my teeth. May be hypocritical but seriously not interested in having children living with me. Afraid of the impact on my daughter. 

Besides, I do want to go a number of places and take my daughter along. Just us. Grand Canyon. Back to Disney World at least once more. Hiking in the mountains. Colorado Springs. Sight seeing drives all over. If I don't involve anyone else, then nobody else can introduce conflict and drama. 

I've also made it clear I will never again become emotionally bound to anyone without taking serious time in developing and assessing the relationship. 

So it really is my best choice to start getting out and socializing again. Make some friends. 

 

Small note

Lots of people are fond of pointing out that New Mexico is not Mexico. 

This is quite correct. The difference? Mexico has higher rates of literacy, functional literacy and employment. I checked multiple sources. Anyone that doubts it can look it up for themselves. 

One local source says the functional illiteracy rate in New Mexico is 46 percent. 

Funny, when I express my opinions, many people tell me I am arrogant and closed minded. Yeah, I guess I am. Long as I leave out little things like facts.  

I'm back!!

I'm back!

Hit 80 cases today. Think I did a few more than that but missed logging them. That's okay, computer system captures them. (Long as the network is running properly.) That's with no extra hours on the clock. Though I am going to do some online training tonight.

Calls were a bit slow much of the day. If that picks up again soon, I'll be well on my way to my goal of 90 cases per day. Accuracy does count. 

The thing I have no control over is how slow some callers are. I seriously felt my brain cells dying listening to a few people today. 

I still need to practice and get my typing speed and accuracy up more. That would help tremendously.

As is, if I can maintain 80 cases per day, that's an extra $200 per paycheck. I'd like to double that. 

Haven't stopped smoking yet. Tried but sucking on mints interferes with my speech too much. Give it a try this weekend. Besides, I just hit the max dosage of Chantix today. 

14 degrees

Cold front came in. 14 degrees this morning. Glad I don't have to go anywhere in it but still, yuck!

It was getting warmer for a little while, then dropped again. Supposed to start climbing again but still intermittent freezing in the forecast. Winter started early this year and is hanging on late.

This paycheck was thin. Worst I've had since starting with the company. Guess I'll know to save up to compensate for this time of year in the future. There was extra work for a couple of days but I didn't take it, then it stopped being offered. I'll do some more training online tonight. 

IT problems dragged my case count down drastically yesterday. I spent accumulated hours offline because of network issues. Hope they get those problems sorted out.  

Added later-

Still a while before work. No extra hours available this morning. Mind is active but not much in the mood for physical labor.

That's something I need to change in the coming months. Been too sedentary for a while now. Part of that I can blame on health issues I've been writing about. Looking forward to spring and summer. 

Hoping to swing the money for a few tons of composted wood chips early this year. I don't really need to buy compost. The soil has improved tremendously. I just need to till the soil, clear old weeds and add lots of mulch. 

I think I'm going to redesign the garden this year and make it more decorative. That's where the wood chips come in, for pathways. Going to change the layout, plant less and have much larger rows. 

Crappy day

Today truly sucked more than any day in a long time.

The work computer kept locking up, the entire network was unstable all day. Way too many rude people from New York and New Jersey. Then no small number of seemingly nice people were either completely brain dead or trying to game me. 

I had one episode where the computer locked but calls kept coming in. Unplugged the computer and calls still kept coming in. I wound up having to unplug even the phone. 

Standard New Mexico weather today. Windy as hell all day, dropping into the teens tonight. 

Oh, well. Good news. One more lab came back. Testosterone level. High normal. Which is especially good because the average male today has a low testosterone level. 

Think I'm watching a movie and going to bed.

Vibration damper

The truck has been vibrating rather strongly at time lately. Found out recently what the problem is. The vibration damper is loose and just riding around on the front of the crank shaft. In the short term, mostly an annoyance. In long term, it can damage the engine. 

I haven't had time to fix it when it's warm and light enough to see (and feel) what I'm doing. Guess I'm going to have to do it this weekend while daughter is here. Good part is that it's probably just a couple of bolts that worked their way out. Bad part is that the bolts are gone and I have to figure out the size. May have to go to Auto Zone and borrow a bolt sizer. 

Still hoping to get a tax refund this year and get the Camaro fixed with that. Everything else I can manage on my income but that one will take a long time if no refund. 

Still, even if it doesn't run perfectly, I'm glad to have the truck because it's better than nothing. 

I was doing pretty well financially and projecting much better. Then Wells Fargo screwed me again. Not that you can trust any mortgage company. However, I know what parts of their behavior are scare tactics, what my protections are under current law and what would make sense business-wise. Long as I keep making genuine effort to bring it current and keep the "past due" amount below a certain number, they can't foreclose. Take me a few weeks but I can bring it current.

However, the problem with the car and the mortgage means I have to put off getting new teeth longer. I'm sick of looking like a hillbilly. It's frustrating. 

Lab results

Looked up my lab results online tonight. Few things a bit out of whack.

White count was 16.1, which is technically sepsis by itself. If I were in a hospital I would be started on IV antibiotics immediately. Considering my blood pressure and temperature were abnormally high for me at the doctor's appointment, it was more than technical. That explains not feeling so great for a few days. It also lends weight to my suspicion of intestinaly hyperpermeability. Also improving slowly.

Iron was low. Upping my iron supplement. Other related labs were okay, so not anemic but if I don't address it, it would lead to that. Call it pre-anemic.

PSA was in range but higher than I would like. Have to keep an eye on it.

Cholesterol was slightly high but lower than last physical. Keeping some healthy habits and changing some unhealthy ones. Starting a workout program when weather is more amenable. 

Chantix is starting to have a noticeable effect. Decreased nicotine craving, except habit. Adding some replacement habits and medications for symptoms I know will occur, starting tomorrow. If I can't quit outright, I'll cut back gradually. 

Hate to divert so much attention to health issues but obviously I have had things going on and need to change a few things. Now, before they become more major. 

Labs

Finally got my labs drawn this morning. Now that it's not a day associated with a long weekend. I was right, woman said it was crazy yesterday but the line was short today.

They only drew 3 tubes. Considering the number of labs requested, I am now expecting to get a message they made a mistake and missed some of them. I mentioned the number of tubes were less than expected but got no response.

Starting day 6 of Chantix. Not feeling much difference yet. It may be that I have to reach the maximum dosage before that happens. 

Allergies driving me nuts. Nice combination of wind picking up a bit yesterday and cold enough that neighbors are burning what smells like dirty leaves in the fireplaces. 

Puppies are getting bigger, louder and fussier. They should be running around the back yard soon. Daughter will be happy with that situation!

Picking up

Work is picking up slowly again. Made 74 cases today. Harder than it sounds. Lots of long calls because the callers were slow and disorganized. Got placed on hold way too many times or sat and waited while they searched for information they should have had immediately available. 

Been having lots of cases which have no clinical justification. I'm just considering it "They have good benefits" syndrome. 

Still, I figure I'll start taking on some extra hours this week and more next week. 

I definitely had an infection in my system. Doing much better today. Chapped lips are gone, energy is up. Still a little achy but not like yesterday. I think this battle recently has knocked my immune system down, leaving me open to other problems. Think I'm finally coming out the other side. One habit I need to keep for a while is small meals. 

Ordered boatloads of the more rare and expensive supplements I need. Apple cider vinegar pills and Acidophilus. Can't find any place locally which is reasonable for the apple cider vinegar pills. Only GNC and I won't pay those prices. Acidophilus costs a lot, even at Walmart. Through Amazon I got a much better deal on both and have about a 3 month supply of each one. Never thought I would spend this much on vitamins but still a better choice than prescription drugs. 

One good thing about that is that it makes it easier to sleep. With my body under less stress, I can relax better. 

Heated floor plans

Been trying for a while to come up with plans to heat the floors in the house during winter. If you look at electrical equipment sold for heated floors, it's quite expensive and takes a huge amount of work. Then it costs no small amount to run it. 

Instead, I've finally come up with a method for using solar heating for the floors in the main house. Not going to be able to do it right away because it will still cost some money. One major aspect is insulating the floors. The insulation and sheeting to retain the insulation is important because I don't want to blow dirt up through the floors, so that will act as a barrier. The solar heat would only be active during the day. So, the insulation would also help retain the heat at night. 

Basically, the idea comes down to an extension of the plans to solar heat the solarium. Building a large solar collection panel into the solarium, run pipes with a fan down to ground level and under the house. Warm air rises, enters the system, gets heated further, then gets blown down again in a constant cycle while the sun is up.

My best bet is to add a thermal switch, so the fan only blows when temperatures in the system exceed a certain point. That may take a little experimentation but I'm guessing about 120 degrees would be good. Also have to add a standard switch, so it can be turned off in summer. 

Eye on spring

Thing I did not mention yesterday about daughter's mini-meltdown yesterday. While it was happening, she told me she wanted to spend more time at home, with me. Very possible daughter is feeling an effect of having less time with me. Because of my schedule, I've had fewer long weekends and such with her. However, now that I've built up some PTO, I can start requesting time off on mini-holidays, like today, where the company is open but many doctor's offices (and her school) are closed.

Starting to set my eye on spring. Went out during lunch today and chopped up the large pumpkins to pieces. Tossed pieces into compost bin. Need to pull out seeds. 

Brought in a bunch of old tomatoes and harvested the seeds. I cannot believe they have not dried out! However, the seeds are fermented by nature. 

Still not feeling so hot. Tired, backache, chills. I'm sick of feeling sick. Lot of indications now point to possibility of intestinal hyperpermeability. (In layman's term's, "leaky gut syndrome".) Not a bad case of it, if I am right. If I keep stress off my intestines for a while (soft foods and such) it should heal quickly. It's probably and after-effect of killing off candida. Things like this are why it takes so long to heal from the chronic health problems I have. Until it does heal, it means exaggerated response to things I already react to. 

I hate being mortal.

 

Chantix day 4

So, this is day 4 on Chantix. On the 4th day, it goes from 0.5 mg once a day to 0.5 mg twice a day. On day 8, it goes to 1 mg twice a day. So, hoping to see an effect with the increasing dosage. 

Didn't get the posts for the solarium extension set this weekend. That's okay, still some weeks of winter left. I'll try to get them set this week.

Sun is coming up earlier. I had not stuck with the rising earlier thing just because it was dark when I got up. And cold. Still cold but since there's sunlight, I'll start setting the alarm earlier again. Maybe I can get some of the garden cleared and more of the solarium done. Sun is going down later but still dark when I get off work.

Daughter wants legs on her bed. Bought some this weekend, then decided it best to install them while she's not here. Going to use the studs thye came with but add wood glue for stability. Have to also add two more beams to the bottom of the bed because I had not designed it to be raised like that. 

Received and installed the new video card this weekend. Unfortunately, still having the same issues. Extremely slow boot time. The video card works fine with Windows driver but if I install the hardware driver the display malfunctions on boot-up and I have to remove the driver again. Probably indicates a problem with the motherboard. However, I'm hoping I've found a way to work around it. I ordered an adapter to use the DVI plug as a second display. Not sure it will work. The HDMI isn't being detected. It could also be something wrong with the cable. Not sure but I'll figure it out. Can't afford a new motherboard right now and need to be sure I even need one. 

Complex issues

Daughter had a short emotional episode this afternoon. Conflicting feelings which she just could not resolve. Happily, in the long term, she has a rational side which guides her emotionally and she can see when her own feelings have no logical resolution. Ultimately, she goes with a more logical conclusion. 

As the ex says, large part of it is probably related to her feelings about the mother dog being gone. She does always try to see some brighter side and said she was happy she had escaped. She would rather the dog die living as a wild animal than if she was not adopted and got put down. (I did not explain she would not be offered for adoption, since she had been said to kill another dog. Moot point, since she did escape and has not been caught.) 

On the other hand, something we both noticed was that the two younger dogs are calmer and better behaved since the mother is gone. These two have not had a single fight all weekend, which used to happen fairly frequently. The indication seems to be that the mother was, indeed, the aggressor. Which is a surprise to me because the mother always appeared overly energetic but in no way aggressive. Unfortunately, I could never see the fights begin and could not tell much once it started. 

Daughter is excited about the science books I got her. Plus doing art projects of her own. Started a poster. Built a small house from scratch with scrap wood and did a good job with it! Designed a small bridge to go with the house, which I built for her according to her instructions. Not a bad design, quite stylish. 

So much for the no gastric problems. Had some level of distress all weekend. Fading out now. Too many possible culprits to narrow it down well. Maybe that I ate cereal with real milk Fri night. Maybe the new medication. Maybe a bug. I have chapped lips, which tend to indicate an infectious process in my case. Other than some pain and gastric symptoms, still been more normal than for a while. 

I am happier with my insurance than I expected. Had not seen how much Chantix cost until this evening. $258.34! Which probably makes this the most expensive substance I have ever placed in my body. Not feeling any difference in smoking urge yet. However, still on the lowest dose level. It has to taper upward over the first week. I hope this one works. All my past efforts to quit have failed. 

All health stuff

So, I am doing what I had said I couldn't do. Cutting back on refined sugar.

One thing about this is that Candidiasis causes sugar cravings. Because the yeast is consuming most of the sugar which goes into your body. The more the yeast dies off and intestinal absorption improves, the less sugar I desire. Trying to stick with more natural and less refined forms of sweeteners. May give Stevia a try. (If I like it, I'll give another shot at growing it. Tried once before, with the intent of giving it to the ex, who likes it. It didn't grow, though.)

My weight is remaining stable, which was my biggest concern. However, I'm not all that physically active right now. 

I have a strange, creepy crawling feeling in the area of my appendix. However, this is replacing a near daily and frequent pain in that area. So, at the moment I'm not concerned. It may well be a positive sign of the appendix and surrounding area healing and returning to normal function. Never been any increased pain with pressure on it. 

Last time I had blood drawn my cholesterol was acceptable but slightly borderline. Then again, those labs were not fasting and I had eaten something rather fatty not too many hours before. Right now, I have been taking garlic for a couple of weeks, which may help reduce cholesterol. Opposing medical views on that one. Wait and see. If that comes back high, I'll try natural methods to lower it before I go with statins. Even as a nurse, I am not fond of those. One good thing about a Celiac diet is there are not many fried foods involved. Plus I switched mostly from margarine to butter and even decreased my use of that.

Still stuck on the vehicle issue right now. Can't get the Camaro fixed yet. Hoping on a tax return and to increase my case count for work. Otherwise, my income and expenses are fairly static. I want to get the car fixed so daughter and I can go out for long drives and hikes when weather warms up. That would be good for both of us on multiple levels. Nature is an emotional release for both of us. (I did not teach her that, it was born in. Look at my brothers and you see it was also born into me, not taught.)

Have not finished the solarium extension yet. Nor have I started seeds. I don't want to start them in the house. Too many problems arise with white flies. Maybe I can set the posts this weekend. I only have 3 posts to set for the purpose. Take a little over an hour. Big part is top beams and plastic sheeting. May have all of it done by the end of next weekend.

Back on the upswing

After as long as I had illness, at this moment I am actually counting (in retrospect) the number of days I have been feeling somewhat normal again. So far, today is 4 days. (Still had some issues on Monday.) That is the longest I have gone without various issues in many months and they had gotten progressively worse for a long time. Four days is a huge relief.

Any way, my mental fog is lifting as well now. It was slowing me down for work because my typing was filled with errors which I would have to correct. That's improving again and my speed is picking up. Figure I can go back to working concurrent web and phone cases on Monday. (Been allowed by the company most of this week but have not been able to split my concentration that well.) Got back over 70 cases again by a small margin. Could have done a lot more but there were quite a few lapses between calls of up to 2 minutes. The combined time would have been enough for nearly 10 more cases. (If the callers knew the right information.)

I did not get my blood drawn this morning. Got up early enough. Walked down to the clinic. However, it was Friday. Bad enough. Then I forgot Monday is a holiday. So the result was a "Let's go to the clinic and get a 4 day weekend" day. The more ghetto the neighborhood, the longer the lines on those days. In this case, the line for lab and xray were out the door at 8:15 AM. Thank you, I'll come back next Wednesday morning. (Allow time for the other end of the long weekend to fade.) I do note that the waiting room for the lab was probably overflow for the clinic but still no urge to stand and wait in a room full of sick people if I can avoid it. 

Okay, need to do some laundry and dishes. 

Medication

I had intended to get up and go get my labs drawn this morning. However, could not get to sleep last night until very late, even for me. So, have to try in the morning.

Did not know the test I have to go for would require so many stages. Got a call today. Thought it was to schedule. No, pre-screening and some general instructions. Next, I get a packet in the mail with more instructions and prescription for medications to prepare. In the next few days, I will get the scheduling call. Then, I was advised to have someone else drive me. The test will require the whole day and involve highly sedating medications. Not a lot of choice. Just have to ride the bike down there, do the test. Maybe find a place to hang out for a while if I don't feel completely up to riding afterward. 

Thing I have to remember is to not take aspirin for several days before the test. Increases risk of bleeding.

Got my Chantix prescription this evening. Big surprise, the insurance company covered it 100 percent! I didn't have to pay a penny! That was a shock because this is not a cheap medication. Needless to say, I am really happy with my insurance so far. 

Work hasn't completely picked up again yet. However, I had various things going on today, including the screening call. Made my 70 cases but just barely. 

Oh, heck. I meant to do more training online tonight and forgot. Oh, well. I have until 2/28 to finish it.

Health is still improving. Feeling much better and actually able to relax much better than I have for quite some time. No constant gastric issues. No pain. Mind is more clear than last couple of weeks. I'm seriously not used to having anything which affects my mental clarity. It will be months before I am truly back to normal and I have to maintain some habits for the rest of my life to keep problems from coming back. Only a few alterations from things I had been doing but very important alterations. 

Guess I can finally admit my health issues had me worried. Now they are fading enough that the fear is going away. With the things I've learned, I had good reason to have fear. It may not be as dramatic as cancer but my condition/s are no less damaging, painful and deadly. If not controlled, Celiac and subsequent Candidiasis are directly damaging to the nervous system, the digestive system, the vascular system (including the heart) and the muscular system. Eventually, it is definitely terminal. 
 

Insomnia again

I have insomnia again. Not entirely bad. This time it is because I am starting to feel better. My program is working and leaving out cayenne basically eliminated the side effects.

I do have to admit I hate drinking vinegar. Going to have to order pill form of it. Only available locally at drastically inflated prices. Yeah, big surprise there.

As I examine my thoughts of socializing again, I have to examine myself. Ran across the word tonight of agoraphobia. I used to consider myself agoraphobic but there's no actual fear involved. Fact is, I just don't typically like people much, especially in groups. In groups, they take on the same dynamics and characteristics as high school cliques. I thought it was stupid then and distanced myself from it. Had higher hopes for adulthood. Those hopes have not panned out well. 

I'm happy being in a group which is focused on an activity or task. I'm fine with groups of higher intelligence most of the time. (Though with those groups you often have to set stringent ground rules to avoid competition. They can be worse than jocks.) 

As I consider a possible social life again on a more personal level, I have to examine not only what I find most desirable in that realm but also my past. In the process, by nature some anger is resurrected. But the process is not about holding onto anger, it is about releasing it, getting past it. I admit that I held more than I realized. However, when one has gone the wrong direction in the past, it is mandatory to check the map to avoid going that direction again. I seek a new path and a warmer climate. My past took me into some very cold places and I want nothing close to those places again. 

Failed prediction

Days are getting longer, temps are increasing slowly. More and more nights forecast where the temp remains above freezing.

So, it is time to make an admission of a failed prediction. I do not only lay claim to the times my predictions come true, I admit when they do not.

In this case, I predicted that we would have temperatures below 0 degrees in the Albuquerque Metro area this winter. It did not happen. Close but no cigar. We saw temps below 10 degrees but not below 0. 

I will not try to spin this in any way. I will not claim wind chill. I was predicting actual temperature. I will not claim anything about this year, which would stretch into next winter. I was talking about this current winter. 

So, I'll say it. I was wrong. 

Not that I'm complaining in any way. I still need to insulate the ceiling!

What a week

The past week has kind of made me look bad. Apologized profusely to my supervisor, though she said she thought nothing of it. She knows I'm usually reliable.

Been having problems keeping the mother dog in the yard. Blocked her exits multiple times but she would dig a new one. Last night, started tying her in the back yard for short periods after she got out. Then let her loose and tell her sternly to stay in the yard (which she has learned before). Little while later, she's out again. 

Today, animal control came up because she was out. I had to pause work to take care of it. Then a woman who lives nearby claims my dog had killed her Chihuahua. Only thing this dog ever killed was a chicken. No blood on my dog and the animal control guy would have told me if he had seen a body. If it supposedly happened before today, it has not been brought to my attention. Any way, had to give her up to animal control. She went in the truck peacefully, showing to the animal control guy she is not aggressive. 

This evening, I got a voice mail that she had escaped from the animal control facility. Guess that should prove I wasn't exaggerating how hard I tried to keep her in the yard! 

No matter what, I hate to give daughter the news this weekend.

Now I'm expecting some wild claims from the neighbor. I already made it clear that I will agree to pay for another dog adopted from the shelter but not some purebred dog from a breeder. The guy from animal control was nice enough to deliver the message. 

Couple nights ago, the younger female dog had puppies. Not sure what to expect from that. The father is her brother. One was deformed and died. The others appear to be okay. So far. The mother is guarding them adamantly. 


Physical has gone well so far. My ekg showed my heart has receded no almost normal size. No more cardiomegaly from lifting weights and engines years ago. Good thing about that is that if your heart is pushed enough to enlarge like that, it also develops considerable collateral circulation. Small disappointment, though. I used to punk other nurses and even doctors with my ekg. 

No report on the chest xray yet. Maybe I can look it up online. 

Still have to get labs drawn while fasting. Can go early in the morning before work. Clinic is 2 blocks away.

Also have to schedule one test. That one will require a day off, between preparing, the test and possible medications they may give me to relax during the test. Have to wait for them to wear off. Not looking forward to it but it's a good idea.

Little later- Checked chest xray report online. Came back normal. No sign of active TB. No hilar enlargement, which my last chest xray report stated, last year or previous year. Either last one was read wrong or it was an infectious process since resolved. (Maybe even Candidiasis.) 

Making a list

Been pretty absent minded lately. Dr appointment is tomorrow, so I made a list of screenings I want to have done. Part age related, part Celiac and a chest xray because of my positive TB skin test. Best to have one every few years.

I've felt like I've been a little slow on reaction times for a few days but not as bad as I thought. No small part of my lowered case count has been how slow the callers are. However, I have not been able to handle concurrent phone and web cases. Which sucks because it does keep my count down. Been managing to stay around 70 but not much more than that. Blech. 

More reminders

Before closing out my singles profiles, I took one last look around. It was a reminder of why I have had one coffee date in 5 years.

Too common trends. Women seeking "bad boys". Then expect those men to wind up later having manners, treating them with respect or giving them child support instead of paying for the next tattoo or hanging with their "homies". That is, if the same guy isn't in jail, on their knees in front of some other bad boys. Maybe they really believe they will not wind up in ICU or the next 10 second story on the evening news, which is more likely to show the attacker in court and barely mention the woman's name at all. 

Too many "BBW's" who can barely walk a block without breaking into a cold sweat and doubling over to breathe. Yeah, that's attractive. 

Too many women have tattoos and piercings as a standard for dating. Because that's not superficial. 

The common theme between all of these is lack of effort. Looking for a bad boy? Put on high heels and nail polish, take off your clothes and effort accomplished. BBW? Cook dinner (or order out), turn on the TV and you're done. Piercings? Spend your money, lie in a chair and apply ointment for a couple of weeks. 

I can criticize but I've been lazy, myself. Though admittedly different, since I have not been so actively seeking something outside. It is time I get out and put some effort into my social life. Obviously, I'm not going to find anything worth finding on a website. 

Sanity

Years ago, I felt depressed, unattractive, confused, helpless, lonely, alone, unloved, ashamed and worthless.

Then I became single again.

Funny how that works.

And I think about dating or socializing.. why?

Much better

Feeling much better today. Prior gastric complaints seem to have faded. Still foggy but energy level improving. Looks like leaving cayenne out of the picture is the right choice.

That does mean I have to up my apple cider vinegar intake, at least for a while, to keep gastric acidity higher. Until a stronger colony of acidophilus takes hold. 

Felt strange about work today. Like something was off kilter which could not be pinned down. Too little chatter, no IM's, no banner announcements all day. I may be wrong but my Spidey senses were tingling. 

I'm taking down all of my single's profiles. Looks like online dating just isn't for me. I'll stick with getting out and socializing more as soon as that's feasible. 

That's just as well. More time to spend on other projects. Not much because I haven't really spent a lot of time on it for years now. I suspect it may actually darken my view because of the people who respond to my posts. It's too difficult to define myself in narrow enough parameters. People want to read one paragraph and fit you into a category, which doesn't work in my case. 

Oh, well. Glad there are a couple of shows on tonight that I like.

More answers

Doing more reading on my health problems of late, zeroed in on the most major aspect of the problem.

I knew that Celiac disease makes one prone to Candida infection. Now two things I did not know. (After all, I do not sit around constantly reading on this stuff.) 

I knew Celiac causes nervous system damage. No question this had occurred to me years ago because numerous symptoms have reversed over time, since reducing and then removing gluten from my diet. However, I had assumed (as did most of the medical community) that this was due to reduced absorption of nutrients required by the nervous system. Some fairly new research shows it goes beyond that. Celiac actually causes antibodies which attack the nervous system.

So, Celiac has been re-classified from an absorption disorder to an autoimmune disorder. 

Second thing I did not know, again fairly new. Candida Albicans (the common form of yeast carried by over 99 percent of humans in the digestive tract), has a surface protein which is identical to the protein gliadin. Gliadin is the protein in gluten which causes the body to react, giving rise to gluten intolerance and Celiac disease. 

Therefore, having Candidiasis sparks the Celiac response as much or more than eating gluten. 

That explains a lot of things.

The final end point of all of this is that I have to find a regimen which works for me to eliminate Candida from my system to the highest level possible. Even a normal level is not tolerable for those of us with Celiac disease. Any Candida in the digestive system is damaging. 

Rubber band bracelet

Santa gave daughter a kit to make rubber band bracelets. She started making them today and picked up on it immediately. She made two for herself, one for her mother and one for me. I'm still wearing mine. It may seem silly but I wonder if she will ever understand how much the little things she makes me mean to me. 

The weather was decent today, so we got out and rode our bikes for a while. Though the wind picked up and we came back home because of that.

I still keep having intestinal inflammation which is very uncomfortable. I am not suspecting part of my regimen is causing it. Major culprit I suspect is cayenne. So, going to leave that out of the routine for a couple of days and see if things improve. Can't be the acidophilus because the inflammation started before I started that. Apple cider vinegar is possible but I find it unlikely. Epsom salt is not something I take every day and seems to help reduce the symptoms. 

I would thing Candidiasis itself was the cause but the symptoms I had before were somewhat different and less intense. 

Basically, my health has improved in some ways since beginning this routine but in other ways have gotten much worse. 

I've given it time for the initial effects to be ruled out. Now it's time to change things up and try to refine the process. 

Science

My daughter is showing more and more interest in science. Even parts which I found somewhat boring at first. (Became interested later. I blame my teachers for that one.) 

Definitely gives us things to talk about. She shows really good comprehension of many concepts. 

Of course she's more interested when there are experiments and activities involved. So I don't have any problems when she wants to do small experiments here at my house. I just stay close enough and involved enough to be sure they are safe. Tonight, she put on a small display and I recorded it. I could completely see her becoming an experimental scientist speaking to large crowds of colleagues someday. She has a gift for public speaking.

Her favorite area is biology. Coupled with her love of animals, she sees clearly the correlation and application of the concepts.

The one down side is a lack of interest in electronics, which is necessary for full understanding of some scientific concepts. That is beginning to grow slowly, though. 

I had already decided to buy her more books on science (kid books) that include experiments. Ordered two yesterday. My own intuition must be working. She just told me of her interest in biology and chemistry today. The two books I ordered yesterday were on biology and chemistry. 

Most of the experiments she has done so far are things I am able to explain in more detail than is normal. Like baking soda and vinegar. Common demonstration of chemical reactions but falls short. She did that one tonight and I was able to explain what is usually left out- why the reaction stops. Lots of teachers explain chemical reactions but an important concept is the length and speed of the reaction along with the reason for the reaction and what makes it continue or stop. She gets the concept loosely for now but I know her brain and it does expand in the back of her consciousness over time. Biggest part is questioning the parts which most people do not question. Learning to read the chemical equation and figuring it out. She's good at that.

Aside from that, we rode bikes, went to the library and the laundromat. Watched Percy Jackson and talked about Greek mythology. 

Feeling better

Feeling better this morning. Gastric problems much decreased. Shoulder still hurts but nothing like yesterday. 

Guess I need to just admit to myself that my gastric problems are permanent and not going away. Just going to be on a continuum of better and worse. Have to work on keeping them better as much as possible. Though I do intend to get some testing done this year. Have to check on what level the insurance will cover some of those tests. 

Finally ran into something that slows me down, it seems. I don't like it one bit.

I did work on the bike last night, as I had promised kiddo I would do. We can go for a bike ride this weekend. May take her to a movie tomorrow because of the times the movies are scheduled. 

I may go ahead and check on the insulation machine today. If I do the insulation while daughter is here, we can do it with the machine outside. Maybe not so much dust if done that way. Still deciding. 

On second thought, I still have those bags of concrete to deal with. Not today. Feeling better but don't want to make my shoulder worse again. And not worth the risk of exacerbating daughter's asthma. Just have to figure out when to do this. It may not be for at least a couple more weeks. 

New Mexico change

As much as I complain about New Mexico, I have to admit I have been seeing some changes in recent years. Socially, the state is evolving. Though definitely not without a fight. There's no question this state will have to be dragged kicking and screaming into modern times.


There are many things that have to happen for this state to prosper. Possibly even survive. These changes have to occur at the societal level or they will not work at all. However, like many social changes of the past, many must be forced on people. By legislation, by employers, by necessity, by growing imported influences. All of which are happening.


Across the board, the apathy endemic to the culture has to go. It is distinctly unattractive on the personal level and the professional level. If this state wants to prosper, the residents of this state must understand that prosperity must come from somewhere. It doesn't just appear. That means business, customers and investors coming from out of state. Meet those coming from out of state with an attitude of apathy and they will not come back.


The education level and the attitude toward education must improve. While the state government is making efforts in that area, it is being protested at an unbelievable level by teachers, students and parents. Education reform has to happen for this state to be anywhere near being current and competitive in the business market. It must be understood that if business or even government investors are considering sinking money into an area, they scrutinize that area. Even if they think of bringing employees in from elsewhere, they take things into account like whether their employees will be happy with the public education system for their children.


The management system here which is notoriously hierarchic must change and come up to date. Most employers and employees coming from out of state end even local younger people with a better education do not find the old system of management to be acceptable. You may attract retail and fast food businesses but nothing more advanced. And if you want to attract higher level retail, you must have higher level jobs which sustain a customer base. Some businesses have moved out. New businesses coming in are not going to keep the same management methods which have proved ineffective. Meaning they will import new management methods.


The mindset which depends on the federal government has to change. The federal government is making attempts to cut back on size and maximize what they get for their money. When something large needs to be accomplished in this state the knee jerk reaction is to apply for federal funds. This is something which cannot continue. New Mexicans constantly refer to this state as independent. Not so much. It has been noted that over half the residents of this state depend on the federal government in some way. Financially, the numbers are more stark. Probably 60 percent or more of the GDP of New Mexico comes in some way from the federal government. Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, federal grants of various kinds, unemployment, welfare, military, government research, VA, government offices, student loans. Take that money away and this state would have nothing left to speak of. Not enough to survive in any modern standard.


The issue of demanding to be able to speak Spanish on the job or during sports events has to stop. This issue is giving the state a black eye. Not that it matters because those same eyes are so closed they can't see anything. Nobody in business or sports has tried to prevent anyone from speaking a different language off work or away from a sporting event. The issue is that, in most cases, 100 percent of employees or participants speak English while a minority speak only Spanish. It needs to be recognized as divisive, exclusionary and damaging to morale to insist on the right to speak a language which is used by a minority. The politics of this situation deters large investors from even considering this state.


Socially, I realize change is going to come a lot more slowly but it is happening. Rising social standards are being imported and enforced. Manners have actually improved noticeably since I moved here 9 years ago. Social change does happen more rapidly now than in the past, thanks to wider exposure via internet and television. Though the standards within relationships are still mostly more possessive than respectful. The people who reject that convention go to the opposite extreme. Not much balance.


All in all, things are improving. Just a shock at how many things here are so far out of date.

Little better

Writing a lot today because I don't feel like doing a whole lot else.

Feeling a bit better. Still achy. Think I've come up with what I need to do for a while to restore my health. Not pretty and won't talk about it. When I was younger, I would have gone on a fast for a few days to clean my system out and give my GI tract a rest. That is no longer an option. 

Spark plugs were okay, though I had to replace one because I cross-threaded it. Hate when that happens. Coolant level is stable and no contamination in the oil. So, I guess it took a little driving for the sealant to fully do what it should do. But it is working now. 

Ran to the store for a few things, including some acidophilus capsules. Trying to avoid having to take daughter shopping tomorrow. I'm sure she gets tired of shopping every time I pick her up. 

Finances will be very slightly thin next couple of weeks. However, that's mostly because I paid all the bills. Electric isn't bad but gas more than tripled. That hurt a bit. Oh, well. At least the house is staying warm. Been through times that wasn't the case very well. 

Used the Amazon gift card to order a couple of science books for daughter and a new video card for the computer. The old one seems to be working but every time I update the driver, the computer stops responding. Then last few times we tried to watch a movie streamed from computer to TV, it didn't work. Can't play any games with the drivers outdated. This time I ordered one that doesn't require an onboard fan. Maybe that will do better. 

Sick day

I had to take a sick day today. I actually started to work but couldn't maintain it. Intestinal issues were bad enough. Then I got a headache and nausea. On top of that, I pulled my right taprezius muscle and could barely type. Think I would be throwing up if I had anything left in my stomach.

Rare thing for me to take a sick day. Maybe once every 2-3 years, if that. Been known to use sick days more often for vehicle problems.

The good thing is that I have sick days on this job. Better than most of my jobs in the last ten years, which did not offer any sick time off at all. 

Took some Ibuprofen and Naprosyn for pain and inflammation. Shoulder is feeling better.

If I feel up to it, I may go get insulation and a blower. 

Looks like the insulation is going to be a much, much bigger expense than I estimated. I thought the blown in insulation expanded a lot more than it apparently does out of the bag. End result is that multiple calculators say I will need somewhere north of 100 bags of cellulose insulation to achieve the insulation goal of R60. I was counting on a lot less than that. Oh, well. Guess that means I'll have to do insulation in stages. I can put off the bedroom. Most of the bathroom is insulated and I can cut more of the ceiling there and force in more of the insulation I have. For the living room and kitchen, the biggest problem areas, I can blow in insulation to a lower R level for now. That would add some comfort. Leave the holes open, maybe tape the plugs in place. Then add more insulation later. Seal the holes when I reach the maximum insulation level. 

Turns out Home Depot does not (at least any more) offer free use of the blower with a certain number of bags of insulation. Only Lowes does that. And then you have to buy 20 bags of insulation. Can't afford that right now. 

Every review I've read states how excessively dusty the process is. However, they were all also referring to blowing into an attic you can walk in. No reviews for the method I am using. Everything also says how it is a 2 person job. I saw a video of the process and it turns out you can dump the whole bag into the hopper at once (one job) while another person handles the hose (second job). They also refer to keeping the machine outside and running the hose into the house because of the noise level. I can manage it myself with ear plugs (and a dust mask and goggles) with the machine inside.

Because it probably will be really dusty, I'm better off doing it while daughter is not here. Too much risk with her asthma.

I know the process in this way will result in uneven insulation for a time. Better than the no insulation I have now. 

No big surprise

So, I placed a more thoroughly thought out single's post and have started getting replies. In it, I make it clear I like women who are not in a rush to commitment and know the difference between partnership and ownership. Not superficial. Understands the difference between passion and violence. Literate. Longer than  second attention span.

No surprise that the replies I am getting are mostly from women who are originally from out of state. If I get replies from in the state, they are from women in or from Santa Fe or something like that. 

Any way, I am starting to have some decent conversations. Not sure where they will go but maybe I will have a social life again. That will be easier after I get the transportation issue sorted out and/or weather warms up a little.

Days are getting longer by one minute per day so far. 

Work is still a bit slow. Just barely made 71 cases today but things are picking up. I was too tired to do training after work tonight. 

Need to work on my bicycle tomorrow night because I promised daughter I would. 

Figured out a way I can drill holes for the last spaces between rafters in the living room. I think it may be two rafter spaces.

I always hate waiting for my W2's each year. Still hoping for something of a refund. Not sure it will be enough to pay for the rebuilt engine this year but if it pays for half of it, I'll be happy. 
 

Holes

Got some of the holes cut for the insulation. The ones in the kitchen. Looks like the ones for the bedroom will have to wait until the day I am installing insulation. The process threw off a lot more dust than I was counting on. So, I'll have to move the bed and some other items out in the hall before cutting the holes.

On the plus side, it didn't take very long. Plus some awesome news for me. The rafters run all the way through. I was expecting if they did run all the way across, there could be a hump to get over at the center support wall. Not the case. 

Knowing the hose is 3", I went a little larger and cut 4" holes to offer more room to maneuver the hose. If too much dust and debris blows back out, I can use a towel to help block it. 

I may have the space between two rafters which do not get insulated. No good place to drill a hole. But as long as 90 percent of the spaces get filled, not much of a problem. Though I will keep looking and see if I can find a place to drill for that space. 

Luckily, the hole bit I'm using has really deep teeth. Makes cutting through stucco not much of a problem. Though I expect the bit to be worn down to being useless by the time I'm done. That's okay, still cheaper than paying someone and as long as it gets done I'll be well ahead.

Work is still slow. Didn't make my 70 cases today. Only got a little over 60. Not a huge hit but it does impact my income. Still hoping for things to pick up next couple of days. I have some training I need to do, so I can do some of that to gain extra hours. Start on that tomorrow night. At the moment, I only need an hour or two to break even. See what tomorrow brings. 

I have made tentative moves toward dating or at least making friends. The first responses I've gotten have gone to remind me of why I stopped. Though I do intend to get out for some events with some different groups on meetup.com in the near future. Maybe to shoot pool or go on some walks. Maybe check out a karaoke group. (Tried that once and the group I encountered was fairly obnoxious to outsiders. Rather not repeat that experience but I'm sure it was just that group.)