Improvements

I definitely had some bed bugs again. They came out last night and this morning. Many were so tiny I could barely see them. Like microscopic. Obviously they had recently hatched. So I tore the bed apart, turned the box springs upside down and sprayed poison heavily. That was a few hours ago. I've been turning the sheets and pillows down repeatedly and have not seen a single one since this morning. Doesn't seem like any of them bit me. They were too small. Just dealing with them makes my skin crawl and itch. 

Called this morning to see about getting some shifts at the other prison. The company said yes and the prison is supposed to call me back to interview and/or schedule. They haven't called yet but no surprise. Fri before a holiday weekend. The supervisor may not have even been there today. 

Then I got a call from the prison I am working at, asking if I can work Monday night. I said yes. I'm already working Sun night. Wondering why they need someone now. Maybe the nurse who is quitting said she can't work that night. Technically, if she submitted her resignation on a Mon, then Sun is 14 days. That's okay. Gives me a little extra pay until I find out about the other prison. 

My sleep has been crap last couple of days for multiple reasons, including finding bed bugs again. I wanted to find out where they were coming from so I did not spread them. Looks like I found their hiding spot. Hate those little bastards!

Changes all around

Been seeing changes everywhere. At work they started using a computer system. Badly designed and implemented. Only training we had were videos and watching someone doing a presentation. No live practice until it went live on Monday. So this week has been pretty bad at work. 

Not to mention we have been short of staff every night. One night another nurse was several hours late, so I had to do the job of three nurses for those hours. Then the charge nurse did not know how to enter information in the computer, so I had to do part of her job, also. 

One night nurse turned in her resignation last week yet remains on the next schedule. Nurses have walked out on shifts, not shown up for work and that one resigning. Yet they cut my hours to only 8 shifts in all of Sept. I show up for work on time, do my job and rarely complain about anything. Aside from doing 3 1/2 nurses jobs. I was not happy about that. Calling to see about picking up shifts at another prison. If I like it there I may just transfer if they have enough work open. 

Less work will mean more time to write and I plan on putting some of my writing together into a book soon. Though I still have to pay the bills until that happens. Of course, cannot be sure it will even sell. So I have to pay the bills any way. 

Got rid of nearly all the bed bugs. I have seen a very small few but they were in the process of dying when I saw them, thanks to the poison I applied. Always when the bed has been empty for a long time. Not having any bites from them, either. I wound up replacing all my pillows because I now suspect they came from some pillows I bought at a clearance store a few weeks ago. They looked brand new and did not say refurbished but maybe a warehouse along the way had a problem? No matter where they came from, happy to be getting rid of them. From all I've read, they are hell to eliminate.

Things have been pretty good with my gf lately except for one thing. Sex is not bad but not what we had discussed. Maybe I should be more aggressive on the subject but that doesn't seem appropriate when she often complains of health issues. Still, I am disappointed because I am not expecting anything we had not discussed on numerous occasions over a long time. Including before we ever met. I'm not being impatient because in a few days I'll have been in AL for a full year. We will have been seeing each other for a year not too long after that. So I have waited a year for something that was supposed to have occurred from the beginning. 

I still give her a massage probably 40 times to 1 for me. Maybe more. I should be used to that. Story of all my past relationships in that respect. So is the sexual activity. I do what they want, don't get the same consideration in return. So it remains talking, eating and Netflix 90% of the time. So I wind up pleasing myself. I should be used to that too. Maybe I really should consider looking for an outside sensual partner. I love my gf but this is leaving me feeling unfulfilled on multiple levels. I did get used to that throughout multiple past relationships but that was why I wound up not dating for numerous years. I don't care to leave myself in that position again. I also don't want to keep having that conversation over and over with nothing changing. 

Bed bugs

Had an experience I have never had before. I had bed bugs.

For a few weeks, I was having itching, mostly my hands and wrists but it spread to my left tricep area, seeming to skip my forearms. I had tiny bumps and slight redness which came and went. I thought I was having a fungal problem caused by my UC. It would make sense. 

Recently, my gf started saying she had a lot of bug bites, which cause an allergic reaction for her. But she had recently been to the coast, then it started raining a lot and the mosquito count went WAY up. So I did not think much of it related to her being here. Besides, she actually saw a mosquito a couple of times bite her while she wasn't here.

Today the picture changed. I started thinking and noticed my itching was only on exposed areas of skin. I was wondering if maybe it was a heat rash but that usually happens on covered skin that is moist from sweat frequently. So not a heat rash. Then the gf texted that she had new bites on her leg which were not there yesterday. We had laid in bed for a while and talked yesterday.

I went and checked. Pulled back the mattress and sure enough, saw things scurry. Pulled up the mattress cover and saw more. Sure enough, bed bugs. Until today, I had never seen one in real life, only pictures. 

It puzzled me where they came from. Another apartment? The one above me has been empty for months. I have not traveled anywhere in a year almost. Then it hit me. This was a going away present from my drug dealing next door neighbors as they moved out. They had parked trailers and trucks right in front of my apartment while they loaded their shit. Obviously bugs shook loose, made their way inside and infested my bed. 

Within minutes of finding them, I told gf about it. She took it well. I'm glad. I was worried about that. I stripped the bed, packed the bedding in plastic bags. Went and got special poison for bed bugs. Got change. Tossed bedding in the wash. Came back and sprayed poison. 

Then gf came over for a few hours. We stayed in the living room and watched TV. After she left, I set off bug bombs in my bedroom and daughter's room. I checked and saw no sign in her room but treated any way. I have one more bug bomb left and that one will be used in the living room when I go to work tomorrow night. 

I intend to be thorough and get rid of these bastards all in one shot. It may be easy because they have not been here long. There did not seem to be too many of them. I do know they lay eggs and multiply quickly. 

That led me to question how I had been treating my skin. I'd been using salt or Epsom salt and vinegar, which is appropriate for a fungal issue. (And highly effective.) It would ease for a short while and come back worse. Bug bites that raise welts or bumps are either alkaline or acidic, so you neutralize them with the opposite. I decided to try baking soda. It worked. The bites shrank rapidly. Still some itching but not all the poison from them is gone yet. I am hoping it's completely cured by morning now. 

Sleeping on the futon while I allow the bug bomb to do its job and then air the rooms out tomorrow. 

Work slowed down how many hours I am getting. Then tonight I get a text asking if I can work tonight. I could use the money but did not feel great and figured this may change their mindset. This is twice this week the night shift was short. One night a nurse left because she could not force the night nurses to giver her her way. Another diva. 

Didn't happen

Well, Tuesday was the specific day I had mentioned in my last writing. Tues I did not see her at all. Wed she came over fairly early but did not feel well. 

I'm not expecting any part of it to happen today. Or tomorrow. I've stopped expecting it any more. In about 2 weeks I'll have been in AL for a strangely short year. She and I did not meet for a few weeks after I got here but we have been together for at least 10 months. I'd say I've been relatively patient. 

Guess it will always be put aside because of illness, injury, emotion, schedule or something. 

I can really only blame myself. 

Nurses at work keep getting worse. I think one night nurse is going to quit. She shows all the classic signs. Though if she does, it will give me more hours and will probably be an improvement in some ways. Of course, depends on who they replace her with and when. Have to wait and see.

Two weeks?

Can't believe it's been two weeks since I posted anything here. 

One thing is that I have been working more. Plus been writing politically a lot. Mostly regarding censorship this past week.

Daughter started back to school this past week. She seems to like her school. I'm happy about that. The school is multiracial, multicultural and is a place where gay or bisexual teens feel comfortable saying so openly. It is largely focused on academic achievement as well. So she feels comfortable being who she is there. I am happier about that than anything. She sounds like she is opening up socially in this environment, so seriously glad of that.

Have not seen a lot of gf last few weeks. Illness, injury and her children and grandchildren came to visit. Plus she had a political event this past week, which she largely organizes. I understand all of that, so it has not upset me. 

Of course, I do get lonely but all the writing has helped. Besides, my UC was giving me hell this past week. Probably because of stress about the censorship issue. That one really does anger and scare me. 

She has said she misses me and it has made her depressed. We have discussed going deeper into things we have discussed before. I finally said I wanted to plan ahead for certain on one specific day. She agreed. So, have to wait and see if that happens. 

I still love her more than any woman I have ever known. No question about that. I wasn't pushing any issues. Had reached the point on some things that I was giving up on it. Not angry or depressed. Though it was highly disappointing and left me feeling like it just didn't matter to her. She started talking about it when I did not. Maybe the fact that I did stop talking about it got through. Maybe she realizes that if I stop talking about something, it does mean I have given up but that doesn't mean it's no longer a part of me. She says she gets worried someone else may approach me. I have not been going anywhere or doing anything. Nobody at work is attractive. Not talking to anyone online. have not been looking. All that said, there are times I cannot say if someone approached me that I would not be tempted for some things. What with part of me being kept oppressed, ignored, etc while being a definite part of me. Doubt I would act on it but the thought could potentially be there. I am human, after all. I love her but must of necessity love myself. 

Something that seems to make her nervous is that my writing seems to be gaining attention. I'm not sorry for that. It's a goal for that to happen! But not for any women to be attracted to me. I want my ideas to spread. I want my writing propagated. I'd love to be able to make enough money from writing to make a living. I am thinking of gathering/editing some of my writing into a book and publishing electronically. Later go to print if it's popular enough or it gets an offer. But if that makes her take my feelings more into consideration, I'm okay with it. I always care how she feels. I just need my feelings validated too. Nothing wrong with that.