Considering

Been working so much I've been exhausted. Trying to slow down a bit now and reach a happy medium.

Daughter's birthday was this weekend. She was happy with everything I gave her. Her first smart phone, which she was immediately obsessed with. Especially that she now has unlimited texting. I did install a parental monitoring program, though I told her about it. The program will also alert me if she turns the program off or uninstalls it. Gave her some jewelry. Nothing expensive but a moon charm, couple of chokers and (her favorite) a charm with the Fairy Tail anime emblem on it. That one was nice, from a good company in a gift box. Plus I gave her some money. Her first thought was buying presents for her friends, one whose birthday was yesterday. 

Things about the same with gf. I still love her but I understand this is not going to go as promised. No reason to think it will. Been seeing each other for a year and some things we discussed have never happened. Not going to happen while she has an injured shoulder and knee. But did not happen before than, either. 

So, I am seriously considering sleeping with someone else. Finding an intermittent submissive lover. I've had a few offers. It does make it an emotional challenge when it seems like a possible reality. I don't like the idea of cheating. Then again, she would not accept an open relationship. 

However, time is also an issue. Working, spending time with daughter, spending time with her (which is still my preference after daughter), writing, etc. Have to sleep and been needing that sleep a lot lately. 

I have not even had time for laundry this week. One problem is just getting change to do it with. The car wash coin changer is broken and the bank doesn't open until 9. By then I'm ready to crash. If I get change at the bank, I'll be up until noon doing laundry. 

Right now I need to get to bed. 

Going to have to really think about this. 

Feeling flat

I've been feeling flat lately. Some things have changed but mostly I am in a cycle I've been through many times in my life. 

The relationship is back to everything being about her. I admit she has a lot going on. Multiple health issues. She is back in PT plus a back and knee brace. Then she got an abscess on her nose which she's very unhappy about. Because of the location, size and because she's diabetic, the doctor has her on antibiotics for a long time. I care about all that, I truly do. It's just that it all comes after so many other things with no break in between. So I have to be understanding and supportive. Which I enjoy being for her. I'd just like some time where none of that is going on. 

Oh, well.

I finally got oriented to another prison and am picking up hours there. So much that I would have had a full paycheck if not for having to call of sick one night. Next week and the following week I am scheduled into OT. Good timing, just before the holidays. It also comes when daughter has plans for those Fri nights, so I would not be picking her up until Sat any way. 

My writing has picked up a bit. I've been on the front page for politics on Medium a couple of times. I'm sure it had more to do with specific key words I used than anything else. Still makes me feel good. 

Facebook has increased censorship against leftist anti-establishment pages. Hundreds of pages were taken down. Nearly all were Progressive. I warned in my own writing about this to people who supported the censoring of Alex Jones. They could not grasp the concept that he was only the beginning and the left was going to be the real target. So it happens just before the midterms and just as the push to multiple wars ramp up.

So far, my pages have not been taken down. Yet. Maybe just because I have too few followers. Then again, this may be an opportunity for me to build a larger following. Progressives who want something to read may be more likely to follow me now that they don't have the other sources. I have more computer access at work, where I am writing from right now. Can't write a whole lot at work but I have increased the number of articles I am putting out lately. Going to buy a new domain name this week and get a web page running for my writing. That may also help. 

Biggest problem I have is time right now. Can't get a lot of writing done off work or get mundane things done without losing sleep. I have to get to the doctor and fill a couple of prescriptions but can't do it without losing sleep. Going to have to talk with gf and set a more solid schedule where we see each other. To include which days we will not see each other, which allows me to get some things done. Only been to the gym once in a month. 

The good part is, of course, that my finances are improving again. If I can maintain FT work for a while with occasional OT, I will be back where I can lay aside over $1000 a month. Long as I don't work myself into illness. UC has been giving me hell for several straight weeks. Cannot afford to make myself sick. If that happens, I have nowhere to turn. I'm on my own.