Still in down mode. Been over a month now.
Not much has changed. One thing has improved. My readership has increased to over 3700 views a month on my writing.
Haven't gotten far on the book. Struggling with motivation. Kind of have been for weeks. Not like anyone cares.
Getting ready to move in a few weeks. Not keeping this crappy apartment. Looked at a house I hope to rent but applied too soon. If approved, I'd have to pay rent on the house and apartment for all of April and part of March. That would be a waste of money. Just hope it's available in a couple more weeks. Been on the market for a while. Maybe I'll be lucky and rent will decrease by then. It has some flaws which I would not mind fixing but most renters would be driven off by. They're minor and take more labor than money to fix. Some insulation, some hot glue and some wiring.
Been in forced celibacy since before my last post, so that has also been over a month. I understand about her pain but this began before she hurt her shoulder. For a long time it was every two weeks. Then it became every 2-3 weeks. Then 3-4 weeks. Now every 4-? weeks.
I can't keep doing it. She doesn't seem to be aware I have been in a depressive cycle for this long. If she does, she hasn't said a word. I feel unwanted, not cared about, unattractive and just barely there. There for what? I'm not really sure any more.
To be clear, I still love her. I just feel like I am in a place I am no stranger to. Where I love her and she loves her. I feel like a nurse and caretaker, not a boyfriend and lover. It feels lonely and dark.
Not much has changed. One thing has improved. My readership has increased to over 3700 views a month on my writing.
Haven't gotten far on the book. Struggling with motivation. Kind of have been for weeks. Not like anyone cares.
Getting ready to move in a few weeks. Not keeping this crappy apartment. Looked at a house I hope to rent but applied too soon. If approved, I'd have to pay rent on the house and apartment for all of April and part of March. That would be a waste of money. Just hope it's available in a couple more weeks. Been on the market for a while. Maybe I'll be lucky and rent will decrease by then. It has some flaws which I would not mind fixing but most renters would be driven off by. They're minor and take more labor than money to fix. Some insulation, some hot glue and some wiring.
Been in forced celibacy since before my last post, so that has also been over a month. I understand about her pain but this began before she hurt her shoulder. For a long time it was every two weeks. Then it became every 2-3 weeks. Then 3-4 weeks. Now every 4-? weeks.
I can't keep doing it. She doesn't seem to be aware I have been in a depressive cycle for this long. If she does, she hasn't said a word. I feel unwanted, not cared about, unattractive and just barely there. There for what? I'm not really sure any more.
To be clear, I still love her. I just feel like I am in a place I am no stranger to. Where I love her and she loves her. I feel like a nurse and caretaker, not a boyfriend and lover. It feels lonely and dark.
