I'm awake. Shouldn't be but I am.
Happy birthday to me.
I've come to the absolute decision that things change or I start seeing other women. I fully expect that this afternoon I will wind up being expected to calm her emotions. On my bd. I expect that sex will be more inhibited, not less. I expect if I allow it, I would spend most of my time alone until I find another job.
Not going to allow it.
Celibacy was a personal choice I made for years. I will not have that choice imposed on me.
Being alone was a choice I made for years. I will not have that choice imposed on me.
If she wants to sit in a room with him in another room, celibate, no affection, afraid to venture out, afraid to say she is seeing someone that offers something more, that is a choice she makes. I am not going to have the same choices imposed on me. I will not simply sit alone, isolated, celibate, not allowed to see someone else. My finances and possessions are not tied up in this.
Maybe I am still suffering the emotional fallout from Fri. However, she "could not" make it out to see me under any circumstances on Fri or Sat or Sun. Barely talking. I do expect she has been reading this blog. Okay. Then she should understand my emotions are not happening in a vacuum. They are extremely founded in reality. No matter how much I love her, my first duty has to be to myself. It's obvious her primary duty is to herself, so why would it be wrong for me to make the same choice for me?
So changes have to happen. I do not have her company. Nobody to sleep in the same room with. No option of affection most of the time. No option to have sex more than once every few weeks. (Which winds up being too vanilla and far too short for my preferences.) I have no option to do things together in public. No option of showing affection in front of other people. No option of shared efforts. Being in a relationship is supposed to free you emotionally. I am more emotionally bound now than I was a year ago.
Happy birthday to me.
I've come to the absolute decision that things change or I start seeing other women. I fully expect that this afternoon I will wind up being expected to calm her emotions. On my bd. I expect that sex will be more inhibited, not less. I expect if I allow it, I would spend most of my time alone until I find another job.
Not going to allow it.
Celibacy was a personal choice I made for years. I will not have that choice imposed on me.
Being alone was a choice I made for years. I will not have that choice imposed on me.
If she wants to sit in a room with him in another room, celibate, no affection, afraid to venture out, afraid to say she is seeing someone that offers something more, that is a choice she makes. I am not going to have the same choices imposed on me. I will not simply sit alone, isolated, celibate, not allowed to see someone else. My finances and possessions are not tied up in this.
Maybe I am still suffering the emotional fallout from Fri. However, she "could not" make it out to see me under any circumstances on Fri or Sat or Sun. Barely talking. I do expect she has been reading this blog. Okay. Then she should understand my emotions are not happening in a vacuum. They are extremely founded in reality. No matter how much I love her, my first duty has to be to myself. It's obvious her primary duty is to herself, so why would it be wrong for me to make the same choice for me?
So changes have to happen. I do not have her company. Nobody to sleep in the same room with. No option of affection most of the time. No option to have sex more than once every few weeks. (Which winds up being too vanilla and far too short for my preferences.) I have no option to do things together in public. No option of showing affection in front of other people. No option of shared efforts. Being in a relationship is supposed to free you emotionally. I am more emotionally bound now than I was a year ago.
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