I've begun a tentative search for another lover. Not a relationship, just a bed partner.
I'm at that point now. Yesterday she came over. Hours later than she had stated. No TV. For one thing, internet went down and all shows I have are dependent on that. We ate, we talked.
I did not even get a kiss until she was leaving. In the parking lot through the car window.
Last night she didn't sleep. Out of one medication. So she is trying to sleep now. Meaning I will not see her before late evening, if then.
While she was here she did not notice I was continually stretching, moving around and rubbing my own arms. I was genuinely sore from all I've done at the gym and changes to my workout. I didn't make any big deal of it. Though she claims to pay attention to me. Obviously, not so much.
Later she wanted to trade romantic memes online. Which seems to be the extent of our romance now. She wants me to write her romantic emails and such. I did not respond the way she wanted me to, so got upset. I told her I was tired and sore. She said she would have given me a massage while she was here if I had asked.
That's just it. Why do I have to ask? If she shows signs of being sore, I ask her. She does not have to tell me. I don't want to have to demand everything. That's not how it should go.
Maybe I want too much. Maybe I'm unrealistic. Maybe I pay too much attention to the person I am with and think they should be the same. Especially when they claim to be the same way.
She wants me to write her romantic emails and such. Right now I can't. Once again, I feel like I am giving emotionally and paying attention, keeping promises and none of that is being returned. Yes, she comes over here. Yes, she brings me some food. I cannot go to her. Premade food doesn't mean that much to me. It costs money but I don't care about money.
Yes, obviously I am too demanding. Unrealistically so. However, that's not going to change.
I'm at that point now. Yesterday she came over. Hours later than she had stated. No TV. For one thing, internet went down and all shows I have are dependent on that. We ate, we talked.
I did not even get a kiss until she was leaving. In the parking lot through the car window.
Last night she didn't sleep. Out of one medication. So she is trying to sleep now. Meaning I will not see her before late evening, if then.
While she was here she did not notice I was continually stretching, moving around and rubbing my own arms. I was genuinely sore from all I've done at the gym and changes to my workout. I didn't make any big deal of it. Though she claims to pay attention to me. Obviously, not so much.
Later she wanted to trade romantic memes online. Which seems to be the extent of our romance now. She wants me to write her romantic emails and such. I did not respond the way she wanted me to, so got upset. I told her I was tired and sore. She said she would have given me a massage while she was here if I had asked.
That's just it. Why do I have to ask? If she shows signs of being sore, I ask her. She does not have to tell me. I don't want to have to demand everything. That's not how it should go.
Maybe I want too much. Maybe I'm unrealistic. Maybe I pay too much attention to the person I am with and think they should be the same. Especially when they claim to be the same way.
She wants me to write her romantic emails and such. Right now I can't. Once again, I feel like I am giving emotionally and paying attention, keeping promises and none of that is being returned. Yes, she comes over here. Yes, she brings me some food. I cannot go to her. Premade food doesn't mean that much to me. It costs money but I don't care about money.
Yes, obviously I am too demanding. Unrealistically so. However, that's not going to change.
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