Couldn't sleep all night. Not because of nerves. Because obviously I still cannot eat ice cream. I have enough gas to fuel an ocean-going ferry.
Since I was awake, I wrote her a letter. I have not sent it. I still do not want to see other women. But I don't want this to continue the way it has.
At the very least, writing the letter helped me put things in my mind the way I want to express them. To be understood, not to hurt her. To let her know this is hurting me.
I've already written about these things. I feel like I have gone back into the same pattern of putting my own needs aside for the sake of the other person. Like if I ask for anything, I am asking too much.
I love her company but we can each watch TV and check messages any time.
Is sex important to me? YES. There, I said it. I am not ashamed and should not have to be. If neither of us is sleeping around, there's no disease to worry about. She's not going to get pregnant. I love her in absolute truth. Where is there any shame? We talked about all of this. So, where did it go? I have no idea.
So we have to talk. I'm not going to send her a letter or email. I express myself best that way but better in person. Then decide where we go from there.
I have had one additional thought. If I find out she HAS been reading this blog and KNOWS how I feel, then it's all over between us. It would mean she knew and did nothing. She just didn't care. There's no coming back from that.
Since I was awake, I wrote her a letter. I have not sent it. I still do not want to see other women. But I don't want this to continue the way it has.
At the very least, writing the letter helped me put things in my mind the way I want to express them. To be understood, not to hurt her. To let her know this is hurting me.
I've already written about these things. I feel like I have gone back into the same pattern of putting my own needs aside for the sake of the other person. Like if I ask for anything, I am asking too much.
I love her company but we can each watch TV and check messages any time.
Is sex important to me? YES. There, I said it. I am not ashamed and should not have to be. If neither of us is sleeping around, there's no disease to worry about. She's not going to get pregnant. I love her in absolute truth. Where is there any shame? We talked about all of this. So, where did it go? I have no idea.
So we have to talk. I'm not going to send her a letter or email. I express myself best that way but better in person. Then decide where we go from there.
I have had one additional thought. If I find out she HAS been reading this blog and KNOWS how I feel, then it's all over between us. It would mean she knew and did nothing. She just didn't care. There's no coming back from that.
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