Guess I spoke too soon in my last post. Maybe, maybe not.
The interview this afternoon was really just a screening call. Took like 10 minutes. Could have been done at any time. Still, my resume went forward for more review at the facility for possible live interview.
My gf said she would come over today. Said that several times this week, including yesterday. Today, it became later than expected. (It has never become earlier.) Then became she would come over at 4. Then it just never happened.
Honestly, I expected that.
She started talking about coming over on Sun evening. I know that will not happen either.
She said today her husband blocked her SUV in the garage. (Long story.) I said she needs a motorbike. Forgot she has one. And an electric bike. I was pointing out that could get out even if the SUV was blocked in. She said she could see if they start. I suggested (not excitedly) she could maybe look at that this weekend. She said it would be too hard because she's depressed.
That was when it really hit me. She says she's depressed from being there and wants to spend time with me. I came up with a suggestion on how she could but she negated it. Obviously would rather sit there.
I did not say much but my feelings showed, even through chat. She started asking me not to give up. I said I haven't and I have not. This time I did not say I will not. I'm sure she picked up on my wording.
The other day, I said I would make a decision by Friday. Now Sat morning (slightly) but I've decided. I am going to start seeing other women. Have not told her yet but will before doing so. Not breaking up with her unless that's what she wants. Not looking for anyone to replace her or get serious with but an emotional buffer and sexual release. Maybe then I will not go through these mood swings. Besides, give me something to do until I find a job.
I know she will try and talk me out of it but actions speak louder than words. Not going to keep going this way. Even if I see nobody, I want the potential to be out there. I want to be honest about it. I'm not playing any kind of emotional games with her. I'm protecting myself. I love her but to a degree that I honestly place myself in danger emotionally. Not something I deal with well. I'd really rather not but the way things have gone have left my faith too low to believe much further. It's actually a better decision than simply breaking things off. This leaves more room for change and hope while also protecting my feelings to some degree. Not completely by any means.
The interview this afternoon was really just a screening call. Took like 10 minutes. Could have been done at any time. Still, my resume went forward for more review at the facility for possible live interview.
My gf said she would come over today. Said that several times this week, including yesterday. Today, it became later than expected. (It has never become earlier.) Then became she would come over at 4. Then it just never happened.
Honestly, I expected that.
She started talking about coming over on Sun evening. I know that will not happen either.
She said today her husband blocked her SUV in the garage. (Long story.) I said she needs a motorbike. Forgot she has one. And an electric bike. I was pointing out that could get out even if the SUV was blocked in. She said she could see if they start. I suggested (not excitedly) she could maybe look at that this weekend. She said it would be too hard because she's depressed.
That was when it really hit me. She says she's depressed from being there and wants to spend time with me. I came up with a suggestion on how she could but she negated it. Obviously would rather sit there.
I did not say much but my feelings showed, even through chat. She started asking me not to give up. I said I haven't and I have not. This time I did not say I will not. I'm sure she picked up on my wording.
The other day, I said I would make a decision by Friday. Now Sat morning (slightly) but I've decided. I am going to start seeing other women. Have not told her yet but will before doing so. Not breaking up with her unless that's what she wants. Not looking for anyone to replace her or get serious with but an emotional buffer and sexual release. Maybe then I will not go through these mood swings. Besides, give me something to do until I find a job.
I know she will try and talk me out of it but actions speak louder than words. Not going to keep going this way. Even if I see nobody, I want the potential to be out there. I want to be honest about it. I'm not playing any kind of emotional games with her. I'm protecting myself. I love her but to a degree that I honestly place myself in danger emotionally. Not something I deal with well. I'd really rather not but the way things have gone have left my faith too low to believe much further. It's actually a better decision than simply breaking things off. This leaves more room for change and hope while also protecting my feelings to some degree. Not completely by any means.
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