Well, been since Thur that I've seen her.
Said she would be here Fri. Didn't happen. Sun. Nope. Today. Nope.
Mondays are usually the day I can count on seeing her. She said the doctor said the antibiotic she was on was the wrong one for the infection she has. So they had to change that. She did not feel well enough to come over.
I understand her being sick. I do. Once again, not about sex but in this situation it's not like I can go see her. So I wind up basically celibate and alone. We talked on the phone for a long time this evening but it's not the same. Not like we are in different cities.
It would be different for me if not on top of other things I've already written about.
It also seems strange that this all happens right after I said we would be turning off the TV more. Just coincidence? Maybe. Just like it was coincidence that she could not get here early in the day after I said some things we talked about would require more hours in a single day. Since then, she has not been able to get here early. Not for our ceremony, not for other things.
I've tried looking at all of this objectively and think I've done a good job of it. It's not like my wants and needs have not been detailed. Not like they have been observed.
Not certain what I am going to do. Part of me still wants to believe. But I have gone from belief to hope to questioning to doubt to no longer believing. Anything left is really emotional fixation. Superstition. Waning addiction in withdrawal.
Said she would be here Fri. Didn't happen. Sun. Nope. Today. Nope.
Mondays are usually the day I can count on seeing her. She said the doctor said the antibiotic she was on was the wrong one for the infection she has. So they had to change that. She did not feel well enough to come over.
I understand her being sick. I do. Once again, not about sex but in this situation it's not like I can go see her. So I wind up basically celibate and alone. We talked on the phone for a long time this evening but it's not the same. Not like we are in different cities.
It would be different for me if not on top of other things I've already written about.
It also seems strange that this all happens right after I said we would be turning off the TV more. Just coincidence? Maybe. Just like it was coincidence that she could not get here early in the day after I said some things we talked about would require more hours in a single day. Since then, she has not been able to get here early. Not for our ceremony, not for other things.
I've tried looking at all of this objectively and think I've done a good job of it. It's not like my wants and needs have not been detailed. Not like they have been observed.
Not certain what I am going to do. Part of me still wants to believe. But I have gone from belief to hope to questioning to doubt to no longer believing. Anything left is really emotional fixation. Superstition. Waning addiction in withdrawal.
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