Sunday, March 25, 2018

Revelation

I arrived at a revelation today.

This afternoon, she told me she is going to start getting up in the morning and going to the gym. Five days a week. I did not say it but that upset me. It hurt. I've wanted more time with her for months and she has been sleeping later and later. Now I get a job and she decides she is going to get up early?

I was thinking about saying something. I still may. 

While thinking about it, that was when the revelation came. 

She is sabotaging our relationship. Not sure how much of it is intentional. I know at least some of it is absolutely intentional. All the pieces fit into place now. 

I have felt she loves me but her behavior in many ways has not reflected that. Like every time she learns I enjoy or look forward to something, she avoids it. I've listed things before, no need to do it again.

I've seen this before. The sabotaging of a relationship. It means she is not afraid of our relationship failing. She is afraid of it succeeding. 

So, I am torn about whether to discuss this. Mostly it comes down to whether anything changes for the better now that I am working. If it does not, then I will have to discuss it in plain language. Maybe I should, any way. Ask her outright where she really wants this relationship to go. 

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