Hmm

Still looks like promises will go nowhere.

She had said she would come over yesterday after getting her hair done. Insinuation was intimate. Appointment was at 11. She got here after 4. Said she had not slept at all the night before.

Of course, I'm not going to push anything when she hasn't slept. Neither would enjoy it that much. 

I made her something simple to eat. She had not eaten. We talked. I gave her a massage to help her sleep better when she got home. 

Maybe all she's saying is all accurate. Maybe I could talk more about my feelings. Just not seeing much of a point to doing so. 

Not seeing any of the promises coming to fruition. Not going to ask any more. Not going to make it a confrontation, of course. Just have to face facts. 

I also see the signs she is thinking about all the things she has where she is. It's not a question that I have far less money than she is used to having. I knew that. I've brought it up. She said it was not an issue but it's clear it's on her mind. That's natural. Not holding that against her. Just a disappointment on my part. I'd even be fine if she was more open and said it really is an issue and define our relationship more clearly from there. Not expecting that to happen, though. 

I love her and will keep seeing her. Not completely certain as yet if I will keep it exclusive. Depends on how things play out from here. Not going to let myself get emotionally destroyed. 

Once I am through training for this job, most likely I will see if I can get an additional job part-time and rebuild my finances. Do something more for my own and daughter's future. 

Sexually, yes I want more. I'd rather have my emotions and libido focused completely with only her. Not happening. Those promises have definitely fallen short. BDSM? Nope. At this point I have not had a blowjob in 11-12 years. Of course, most of that was my own choice. WTF is it with me winding up with women that don't do that? 

So, yes I am seriously considering moving outside this relationship in that respect.