Is change coming?

First, have to say that my daughter applied to a magnet school this week. Had to go to an audition yesterday. She did well. I am not surprised at all.

The school itself is focused mostly on art and literature. Hmm. My kid is mostly liberal arts. That surprised me slightly. Though she has always had a huge heart and loved art. She is also in the honors biology program. 

She had to spend all last week after school writing stories and doing artwork. She loves doing those things but not on a deadline. She managed it. I read one of her stories and it is really good.

What rather pisses me off is that her name now goes into a lottery. I think they do that to avoid charges of racism. There can be no racism if it is all random. Makes sense but punishes high achievers. 

So, gf and I were chatting online last night. It was more indication that she may be reading my blog. Honestly, I have felt less of a pyschic connection to her for a few weeks than I did before. That could be my own depressive cycle or could be part of the cause of it. Though it does not feel like it is coming from me.

She said she will spend more time with me this week, that we need it. I know I do but question if it will be one week and then months of decrease again. Or if it will happen at all. I'm not holding my breath at this point.

This will be slightly more graphic. 

We have discussed many things which have not happened. Our ceremony. Supposed to have happened two months ago. BDSM on several levels. Just barely. Lots of talk, toys still packed away. I don't think she even realizes I have chains on the head of the bed. They've been there for weeks. Her kissing me all over. Her performing oral sex on me to completion. Her giving me a massage. Her dominating me, which I have never even offered anyone in my life. None have happened.

If she does not want to do these things, that's fine. I'd rather have the truth in the open than discuss them and then nothing happens. It has become a situation where it seems intentional to make me hopeful and interested and then disappointed. That definitely does depress me. Not anger. Disappointment. 

So I guess I will wait and see what happens. I'm still giving it until Fri. Then I can no longer place myself in the situation of staying where I only expect to be disappointed. It sets a precedent which would only extend to all areas of life. I know this. Been there before and not going back.