Sunday, February 18, 2018

Bad one

This depressive state is the worst I've had in many years. 

I did go through depression after daughter left NM but that was not biological. 

Having a hard time fighting this but not falling into outright depression. Mostly feeling passive, almost defeated on some levels though objectively I know I am far from that. 

Hell, my investments have gained money in the last couple of weeks and I expect they will gain more very quickly. I was almost offered a job before an interview but turned it down because of the mandatory schedule. Have an interview for another job on Tue. Getting in better shape and losing my love handles. Sore there right now, so inflammation present. I expect they should be completely gone in a couple of weeks. 

My gf is being very supportive of me in the depressive state. She knows what it's like. I explained it to daughter and she is being nice about it too. I let everyone know exactly where I am at emotionally and that I do not need kid gloves. But seeing beyond myself is difficult at the moment. I do not like being passive, I do not like not seeing beyond myself. It's not who I am. 

Yes, I know. My blog can sometimes sound otherwise but it's a journal about my own life. Of course it's going to sound that way sometimes. The only things I can honestly write about are things that I think, feel, believe, heard, read, etc. It's something I do as a release mechanism. It relieves pressure, gives me objectivity and the strength to keep going. Been many thousands of times I was writing and changed my perspective on something. Or it solidifies my conviction as I examine details more closely. 

Any way, hope this passes soon.

No comments:

Post a Comment