Ready for my interview in the morning at the prison. Luckily, it's pretty close by, less than 10 miles. So I can be there in only a few minutes. I'll get there early because I have no idea how long it will take to get through gates and security.
I'm still fighting depression off. Of course, some of that has ties to real world events. Like feeling like I got screwed on the so-called "job" I just quit.
Keep looking for some up sides. At the gym, I'm maintaining the max weights on several machines and extending hold times on some weights (at partial flex). Started adding some different exercises I need to do. Like standing squats and hip abductions. Try and build up my glutes.
GF came over tonight. We watched TV, cuddled and kissed. She said she is depressed too. She has been depressed several times since I've been here. I have gone through it this once. Thought I had found someone with whom my feelings could take more precedence once in a while, like now. Guess it was wishful thinking.
No sex. Then again, even though I know that would help improve my emotional situation, my libido is down and I was not assertive on the subject.
Looks like I will be getting even less time with her from now on. At least shorter time spans. Maybe fewer days as well. There's no longer even any talk of more hours in a row or our ceremony. The ceremony was important to me. As far as any sensual plans we had discussed, more hours in a row would be necessary, so I guess those are out of the picture too.
So, while it may just be my depression speaking, sometimes depression makes me see things which are truly there. The rest of the time I try and be more optimistic and understanding. I may ask questions, have some doubts but make excuses for the other person to myself. Which has been a mistake too many times.
In this case, I rather feel like she is trying to sabotage the relationship. I think that is what I have been feeling empathically from her. Why would she? The answer is- It doesn't matter why. Because if it's true at any level, there is nothing I can do to change it.
Think I'll get drunk tomorrow night. Planned to a few nights ago but didn't.
I'm still fighting depression off. Of course, some of that has ties to real world events. Like feeling like I got screwed on the so-called "job" I just quit.
Keep looking for some up sides. At the gym, I'm maintaining the max weights on several machines and extending hold times on some weights (at partial flex). Started adding some different exercises I need to do. Like standing squats and hip abductions. Try and build up my glutes.
GF came over tonight. We watched TV, cuddled and kissed. She said she is depressed too. She has been depressed several times since I've been here. I have gone through it this once. Thought I had found someone with whom my feelings could take more precedence once in a while, like now. Guess it was wishful thinking.
No sex. Then again, even though I know that would help improve my emotional situation, my libido is down and I was not assertive on the subject.
Looks like I will be getting even less time with her from now on. At least shorter time spans. Maybe fewer days as well. There's no longer even any talk of more hours in a row or our ceremony. The ceremony was important to me. As far as any sensual plans we had discussed, more hours in a row would be necessary, so I guess those are out of the picture too.
So, while it may just be my depression speaking, sometimes depression makes me see things which are truly there. The rest of the time I try and be more optimistic and understanding. I may ask questions, have some doubts but make excuses for the other person to myself. Which has been a mistake too many times.
In this case, I rather feel like she is trying to sabotage the relationship. I think that is what I have been feeling empathically from her. Why would she? The answer is- It doesn't matter why. Because if it's true at any level, there is nothing I can do to change it.
Think I'll get drunk tomorrow night. Planned to a few nights ago but didn't.
No comments:
Post a Comment