Well, I'm not going to start seeing other women yet. But I am emotionally preparing myself to do so at this point.
She got here around 5:30. That was after she said she would leave home around 2. I understand her husband asked her to do some things. Then she went shopping.
When she got here, I fed her the dinner I made. She enjoyed that. Then she wanted to watch TV together. Eventually we did become intimate but it seemed like she was basically in a hurry to get it over with. I complied. My libido is not that high. Mostly, it seemed like she put it off, then was in a hurry. It really felt like "just sex" on her side to me.
She still tells me she wants to spend more time with me and promises we will. I'm not holding my breath.
So, it is as it sounds. My feelings are fading. Not to where they cannot be recovered but not the way things are going.
I cannot go into another relationship where I am there for them and alone when I feel down. Once in a while I need someone else to take charge when I am in down mode. If that cannot happen, what is the point in not being.. alone? Being in a relationship should not mean I expend my energy for them and myself.
Maybe I'm not being fair but this is how I am feeling right now. One reason I am not acting on it is because I do know when I am in depressed mode, I may see things more clearly or less. I have to wait and see what happens from here. But I am not going to put a whole lot of effort out. I cannot do much under the circumstances. Can't go over there. I've been available day and night. Sat waiting time after time. Been told she would be here at a certain time and waited hours after that time. Turned down several jobs because it would conflict with the time I can spend with her.
And I still know she could be spending time with other men. She says she's not and I want to believe it but know that is a possibility.
So I am trying to think objectively. Seem to be failing. There are times emotion takes over when it is emotion that is at stake. I don't want to make a bad decision for the wrong reasons.
I've said it before. Maybe just suggesting that I may see other women may change things. If I matter that much to her, she may put more thought into how I feel. Or she may walk away if I do not matter that much. In any case, all I can do is be patient for now and honest if I make that ultimate decision. I have to be able to look at myself in the mirror.
Hell, I may not even see other women. I may just get into some social groups or take some classes, get a job and work extra hours or something like that. The point is not sex. It's not sitting around waiting and feeling.. alone.
She got here around 5:30. That was after she said she would leave home around 2. I understand her husband asked her to do some things. Then she went shopping.
When she got here, I fed her the dinner I made. She enjoyed that. Then she wanted to watch TV together. Eventually we did become intimate but it seemed like she was basically in a hurry to get it over with. I complied. My libido is not that high. Mostly, it seemed like she put it off, then was in a hurry. It really felt like "just sex" on her side to me.
She still tells me she wants to spend more time with me and promises we will. I'm not holding my breath.
So, it is as it sounds. My feelings are fading. Not to where they cannot be recovered but not the way things are going.
I cannot go into another relationship where I am there for them and alone when I feel down. Once in a while I need someone else to take charge when I am in down mode. If that cannot happen, what is the point in not being.. alone? Being in a relationship should not mean I expend my energy for them and myself.
Maybe I'm not being fair but this is how I am feeling right now. One reason I am not acting on it is because I do know when I am in depressed mode, I may see things more clearly or less. I have to wait and see what happens from here. But I am not going to put a whole lot of effort out. I cannot do much under the circumstances. Can't go over there. I've been available day and night. Sat waiting time after time. Been told she would be here at a certain time and waited hours after that time. Turned down several jobs because it would conflict with the time I can spend with her.
And I still know she could be spending time with other men. She says she's not and I want to believe it but know that is a possibility.
So I am trying to think objectively. Seem to be failing. There are times emotion takes over when it is emotion that is at stake. I don't want to make a bad decision for the wrong reasons.
I've said it before. Maybe just suggesting that I may see other women may change things. If I matter that much to her, she may put more thought into how I feel. Or she may walk away if I do not matter that much. In any case, all I can do is be patient for now and honest if I make that ultimate decision. I have to be able to look at myself in the mirror.
Hell, I may not even see other women. I may just get into some social groups or take some classes, get a job and work extra hours or something like that. The point is not sex. It's not sitting around waiting and feeling.. alone.
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