I have insomnia again. Not entirely bad. This time it is because I am starting to feel better. My program is working and leaving out cayenne basically eliminated the side effects.
I do have to admit I hate drinking vinegar. Going to have to order pill form of it. Only available locally at drastically inflated prices. Yeah, big surprise there.
As I examine my thoughts of socializing again, I have to examine myself. Ran across the word tonight of agoraphobia. I used to consider myself agoraphobic but there's no actual fear involved. Fact is, I just don't typically like people much, especially in groups. In groups, they take on the same dynamics and characteristics as high school cliques. I thought it was stupid then and distanced myself from it. Had higher hopes for adulthood. Those hopes have not panned out well.
I'm happy being in a group which is focused on an activity or task. I'm fine with groups of higher intelligence most of the time. (Though with those groups you often have to set stringent ground rules to avoid competition. They can be worse than jocks.)
As I consider a possible social life again on a more personal level, I have to examine not only what I find most desirable in that realm but also my past. In the process, by nature some anger is resurrected. But the process is not about holding onto anger, it is about releasing it, getting past it. I admit that I held more than I realized. However, when one has gone the wrong direction in the past, it is mandatory to check the map to avoid going that direction again. I seek a new path and a warmer climate. My past took me into some very cold places and I want nothing close to those places again.
I do have to admit I hate drinking vinegar. Going to have to order pill form of it. Only available locally at drastically inflated prices. Yeah, big surprise there.
As I examine my thoughts of socializing again, I have to examine myself. Ran across the word tonight of agoraphobia. I used to consider myself agoraphobic but there's no actual fear involved. Fact is, I just don't typically like people much, especially in groups. In groups, they take on the same dynamics and characteristics as high school cliques. I thought it was stupid then and distanced myself from it. Had higher hopes for adulthood. Those hopes have not panned out well.
I'm happy being in a group which is focused on an activity or task. I'm fine with groups of higher intelligence most of the time. (Though with those groups you often have to set stringent ground rules to avoid competition. They can be worse than jocks.)
As I consider a possible social life again on a more personal level, I have to examine not only what I find most desirable in that realm but also my past. In the process, by nature some anger is resurrected. But the process is not about holding onto anger, it is about releasing it, getting past it. I admit that I held more than I realized. However, when one has gone the wrong direction in the past, it is mandatory to check the map to avoid going that direction again. I seek a new path and a warmer climate. My past took me into some very cold places and I want nothing close to those places again.
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