This is it (edited)

To clarify what I said yesterday, I meant I would put my single's ads back up if my suspicions proved correct. If she shows up after 5 today and then keeps watching the time to leave.

Last night I had really bad insomnia. Part from gut issues. Mostly because my mind would not stop.

Looking right now, if I am picking up on her correctly, like I won't have to wait until this evening. Talking online and she says she's not doing well. Then won't tell me why. If it has to do with me, then this is it. 

It hurts but I'd much rather it end now than later. 

For once I thought I found someone that.. Never mind. No use.

Edit- So, she said she is depressed. I know she quit taking Trazodone, so suggested she start taking it again at a lower dose, like I had to. 

She also said she misses me. There is absolutely nothing I can do about that. Not like I can go to her house with her husband there. Can't go to her appointments with her. That would spark a lot of talk. 

I told her I hope I get to see her today. She said she will work on making that happen. 

If it doesn't, I need some distance. Have to regain my balance.