Have not yet gotten the YouTube channel up and running. Soon, maybe tonight.
I feel a bit nervous about it. Want everything to go smoothly and look right. Had an issue with camera and mic cables being too short for any flexibility, so had to get extensions. No urge to pay more than they're worth, went to Dollar Tree. The one near me did not have them in stock. So I had to drive to the Dollar Tree 5 miles away, meaning dealing with traffic. They had exactly two in stock. Tested them and they carry data well.
So, hardware, software, lighting, cables all working. No more excuses.
Something to admit to myself is that in my relationship I keep having an urge to see other women. Not seriously, just FWB type situations. Not because I don't care about my gf. Because I do care and it makes me nervous.
I know, that sounds stupid. There is a form of logic to it though. Once my emotions are deeply involved, I feel vulnerable (which is a dirty word to me). I know I have written about this before.
Any way, I am not acting on that urge at all. Just leave myself open.
I can tell she has a lot of the same fear. We've talked about it. She did not come directly out with it, instead I could read between the lines of things she said and I brought it in the open. I know neither of us will overcome that fear quickly. But we trust each other enough to take the time to work past it.
Obviously, I still have no idea where this will go. I'm just hanging on and enjoying my time with her. Even if only online. We spend hours chatting any time of day or night. That alone lends considerable weight to things she has told me about her marriage. Much of our conversation can be extremely romantic and often rather graphic. No way she could have such long conversations on such subjects with a husband who paid any attention to her at all. The other day she told me she asked her husband what color her eyes are and he could not answer without looking. After 11 years with her. She said this after I mentioned the color of her eyes.
Absolutely nothing sexual lacking for me. Maybe for her but she says no. My body is still adjusting to having sex after NOT having sex for years. Never believe any thought that a guy who has had no sex for years will make up for it immediately. It don't work that way. Otherwise, we have the same very broad range of interests in that realm. Amazingly similar. Unlike many past lovers I have had, this time the interest is not fake or simply because this is a new thing. I think this will only get more intense as time goes on.
I feel a bit nervous about it. Want everything to go smoothly and look right. Had an issue with camera and mic cables being too short for any flexibility, so had to get extensions. No urge to pay more than they're worth, went to Dollar Tree. The one near me did not have them in stock. So I had to drive to the Dollar Tree 5 miles away, meaning dealing with traffic. They had exactly two in stock. Tested them and they carry data well.
So, hardware, software, lighting, cables all working. No more excuses.
Something to admit to myself is that in my relationship I keep having an urge to see other women. Not seriously, just FWB type situations. Not because I don't care about my gf. Because I do care and it makes me nervous.
I know, that sounds stupid. There is a form of logic to it though. Once my emotions are deeply involved, I feel vulnerable (which is a dirty word to me). I know I have written about this before.
Any way, I am not acting on that urge at all. Just leave myself open.
I can tell she has a lot of the same fear. We've talked about it. She did not come directly out with it, instead I could read between the lines of things she said and I brought it in the open. I know neither of us will overcome that fear quickly. But we trust each other enough to take the time to work past it.
Obviously, I still have no idea where this will go. I'm just hanging on and enjoying my time with her. Even if only online. We spend hours chatting any time of day or night. That alone lends considerable weight to things she has told me about her marriage. Much of our conversation can be extremely romantic and often rather graphic. No way she could have such long conversations on such subjects with a husband who paid any attention to her at all. The other day she told me she asked her husband what color her eyes are and he could not answer without looking. After 11 years with her. She said this after I mentioned the color of her eyes.
Absolutely nothing sexual lacking for me. Maybe for her but she says no. My body is still adjusting to having sex after NOT having sex for years. Never believe any thought that a guy who has had no sex for years will make up for it immediately. It don't work that way. Otherwise, we have the same very broad range of interests in that realm. Amazingly similar. Unlike many past lovers I have had, this time the interest is not fake or simply because this is a new thing. I think this will only get more intense as time goes on.
