I have to admit to the fact that I am a sensual/sexual addict.
That's one of the reasons I have been celibate for so long. Once I get started with sex, it is difficult to stop. I think about it a lot. I have made bad decisions about things in the past because of it but it rather takes me over.
Now that I am in a sensual relationship with someone, one of two things will have to happen. Either the intensity will have to increase or I will have to find multiple partners.
I had actually hit the point where I had questioned if I had erectile dysfunction or could simply not have sex as I did when I was younger. Looks like that is not the case. My hormones and muscle tone is changing, reverting. So my sex drive is increasing substantially.
Makes it even worse that I am not working right now and NOT under a lot of stress.
She seems amenable to increasing this but then arrives late and cannot stay very long.
I've been honest. That's all I can do.
Few minutes later, I have to edit this for my own honesty. Have to face myself.
It's not so much about sex. That's definitely a large part of it. But more about emotions.
The more emotionally bound I am, the more my sex drive increases. My sex drive and emotions are completely linked. However, it reaches the point where I am all in or must protect myself. Sex is just a manifestation of that.
When I had multiple sex partners in the past, it always followed the same pattern. I was involved with one woman whom I was emotionally bound to but sensed it was not being returned. Being with another woman was a means of buffering that because of my fear. In each case, I wound up committing to my emotions but the fear wound up being quite justified.
I'm just not sure in this case, even with the complexity of the arrangement. I can actually say I love her at some level but of course it cannot be absolute. Better it's not at this point.
The end point is that I don't really want to see other women. But it all depends on what happens from here. Even if I see other women, I do not want to stop spending time with her. She will take precedence. I'd rather spend a few hours with her and not have sex than spend hours having sex with someone else. So I am obviously not thinking with my dick.
Sometimes I wish I could do that.
That's one of the reasons I have been celibate for so long. Once I get started with sex, it is difficult to stop. I think about it a lot. I have made bad decisions about things in the past because of it but it rather takes me over.
Now that I am in a sensual relationship with someone, one of two things will have to happen. Either the intensity will have to increase or I will have to find multiple partners.
I had actually hit the point where I had questioned if I had erectile dysfunction or could simply not have sex as I did when I was younger. Looks like that is not the case. My hormones and muscle tone is changing, reverting. So my sex drive is increasing substantially.
Makes it even worse that I am not working right now and NOT under a lot of stress.
She seems amenable to increasing this but then arrives late and cannot stay very long.
I've been honest. That's all I can do.
Few minutes later, I have to edit this for my own honesty. Have to face myself.
It's not so much about sex. That's definitely a large part of it. But more about emotions.
The more emotionally bound I am, the more my sex drive increases. My sex drive and emotions are completely linked. However, it reaches the point where I am all in or must protect myself. Sex is just a manifestation of that.
When I had multiple sex partners in the past, it always followed the same pattern. I was involved with one woman whom I was emotionally bound to but sensed it was not being returned. Being with another woman was a means of buffering that because of my fear. In each case, I wound up committing to my emotions but the fear wound up being quite justified.
I'm just not sure in this case, even with the complexity of the arrangement. I can actually say I love her at some level but of course it cannot be absolute. Better it's not at this point.
The end point is that I don't really want to see other women. But it all depends on what happens from here. Even if I see other women, I do not want to stop spending time with her. She will take precedence. I'd rather spend a few hours with her and not have sex than spend hours having sex with someone else. So I am obviously not thinking with my dick.
Sometimes I wish I could do that.
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