She may be reading this and, instead of understanding my feelings or talking about it, holds it against me. If so, okay. Nothing I can do about that. Spend more time alone? Suppress my emotions more?
I've said I spent years alone, not dating, celibate. That was a choice. It was not imposed on me. I had no expectations but if I chose to date, I could have at least tried. I also had things to spend my time on.
Thing is, there is a huge difference between making a pass at someone you barely know or have not made emotional promises to as opposed to someone you have allegedly formed an emotional bond with. In one case, you can just accept it and continue on. In the other, it causes feelings of rejection, pain, loneliness. In one case you have an interest, possibly a hope but no expectations. In the other, you have expectations based on promises made. Promises that you will be there for each other emotionally, physically and intimately. In one case, no is simply no. It changes nothing. In the other, no changes everything.
And simply not being there or talking about it leaves emotions in limbo. I can take any answer which is an answer. What's been happening are questions with no answers. Denial that there is a question.
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