Though I deleted some posts, that does not mean my mind has ejected any thoughts on what I wrote.
I seem to be over my illness. Back to normal. Never sick for long.
I've decided I am no longer going to talk with her about sex. Not going to make any more forward moves on the subject.
She does love me but I suspect not in the way she thinks. She wants friendship, togetherness, affection, love. Sex? Not so much. She says she wants more with me but actions do not line up with words. In effect, she wants an affair with me.
I'm fine with that. I do love her. Though I would much rather have it defined that way. It's not fair to me to wait around, alone. To be committed to something that will never come to be. To want more and always just want.
Guess I will know tomorrow. This week she has a procedure on Wed and has to prepare for it on Tue. So I will not see her Tue, Wed and maybe not Thur. The next week she goes out of town. She knows this too. So if she makes the conscious decision to show up later than 5 PM tomorrow, I'm just going to tell her to go home.
What I want is more honesty. That's not too much to ask.
I seem to be over my illness. Back to normal. Never sick for long.
I've decided I am no longer going to talk with her about sex. Not going to make any more forward moves on the subject.
She does love me but I suspect not in the way she thinks. She wants friendship, togetherness, affection, love. Sex? Not so much. She says she wants more with me but actions do not line up with words. In effect, she wants an affair with me.
I'm fine with that. I do love her. Though I would much rather have it defined that way. It's not fair to me to wait around, alone. To be committed to something that will never come to be. To want more and always just want.
Guess I will know tomorrow. This week she has a procedure on Wed and has to prepare for it on Tue. So I will not see her Tue, Wed and maybe not Thur. The next week she goes out of town. She knows this too. So if she makes the conscious decision to show up later than 5 PM tomorrow, I'm just going to tell her to go home.
What I want is more honesty. That's not too much to ask.
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