She came over this week four days in a row. We got to spend many hours together. Talking, kissing, cuddling. Just being together at a very real level.
We had our talk. We actually talked. There were no accusations, no raised voices. Neither of us have a need for conflict and we hate it. If we have a problem, then we have a problem and we will find a solution.
I needed that this week. Maybe I am needful. I don't deny it. I know that this much time will not happen often but I am really happy it did. It frees me up emotionally. I feel more secure, less vulnerable.
That confirms that I will not be seeing anyone else. Would not be able to because even if I were with someone else I would be thinking about her.
I know it will be a long time that she has to remain where she is. I can accept that as long as I feel important to her. Now I feel that infinitely more than I did for a while. The stress from that was causing me physical pain. Now the pain is gone.
Soon, our schedule will become more complex as I begin the new job. Doing online training this week and part of the weekend.
Where I have made reference to sex before, I said it was more than that. Guess I needed to define it better for myself and that meant being honest with myself. It's intimacy. I don't think of that word in relation to myself often because of the way it has been manipulated in use. For women it has become feminized. For men it has become sexualized. Both are limiting and unfair. It is emotional connection. Sex may play a part but not necessarily. It's sharing, affection, trust, excitement, comfort and much more wrapped in one. And for me it is mandatory in a relationship. I have been denied that in past relationships and will never live that way again. She feels the same way.
All of this means we have grown closer than ever. trust each other more. We know we can have an emotional stress between us and work it out without conflict or accusation. We may take a short (hours) break to gather our thoughts and feelings but will then address it. Neither can stand having it there for long. We need each other. Each other specifically, not just someone.
My world has definitely changed for the better. In all ways. Except money. Working on that one.
We had our talk. We actually talked. There were no accusations, no raised voices. Neither of us have a need for conflict and we hate it. If we have a problem, then we have a problem and we will find a solution.
I needed that this week. Maybe I am needful. I don't deny it. I know that this much time will not happen often but I am really happy it did. It frees me up emotionally. I feel more secure, less vulnerable.
That confirms that I will not be seeing anyone else. Would not be able to because even if I were with someone else I would be thinking about her.
I know it will be a long time that she has to remain where she is. I can accept that as long as I feel important to her. Now I feel that infinitely more than I did for a while. The stress from that was causing me physical pain. Now the pain is gone.
Soon, our schedule will become more complex as I begin the new job. Doing online training this week and part of the weekend.
Where I have made reference to sex before, I said it was more than that. Guess I needed to define it better for myself and that meant being honest with myself. It's intimacy. I don't think of that word in relation to myself often because of the way it has been manipulated in use. For women it has become feminized. For men it has become sexualized. Both are limiting and unfair. It is emotional connection. Sex may play a part but not necessarily. It's sharing, affection, trust, excitement, comfort and much more wrapped in one. And for me it is mandatory in a relationship. I have been denied that in past relationships and will never live that way again. She feels the same way.
All of this means we have grown closer than ever. trust each other more. We know we can have an emotional stress between us and work it out without conflict or accusation. We may take a short (hours) break to gather our thoughts and feelings but will then address it. Neither can stand having it there for long. We need each other. Each other specifically, not just someone.
My world has definitely changed for the better. In all ways. Except money. Working on that one.
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