My mind is wandering. Different subjects, unrelated. I don't mind when that happens. Means I'm not anxious. Just letting my thoughts flow. Some good, some not so good, some sound bad but they're not in my own perspective.
I know I have a strange perspective. At least at this point in my life. I've been through bad circumstances and experiences in my life. Luckily, none have killed me or permanently disabled me. Once a negative/harmful situation is over, I give myself time to think, to grieve, to examine. Even thinking what I could have done better. I do that a lot, as a nurse. No, nothing bad has to happen. I'm just always thinking of how things can be done better. Once that part is over, I try and keep the lessons, turn it into a chapter of my own personal story and drop the emotional response. I keep the emotions attached to positive experiences. To put it another way, if I can draw some positive from negative experiences, I focus on the positive. It dulls the pain of the bad, sometimes even kills it.
Emotions are like being a rose gardener. After being stuck and scratched enough, people respond in different ways.
Some hate the roses and will dig up the bush or let it die. Yet keep their hate.
Others may embrace the thorns but they embrace the pain, never actually seeing the roses. Then there are those who will risk the thorns, accept the occasional prick or scratch, seeing instead the beauty of the roses. They strive to keep the roses healthy so they can cultivate MORE roses, BIGGER roses, BETTER roses. They accept their mistakes and use the lessons to improve on their future efforts.
I've had pics of when daughter was little rotating on my TV for a while. I like looking at them. But I am in some of those pictures. It did not register at first but then I was shocked to realize how different I looked then and now. While my hair is now mostly silver, I have fewer lines on my face than I did 14 years ago. I literally think I look younger in some ways. No small part of that is from learning I had an illness and dealing with it, getting it under control. Part is simply taking the time to learn about myself. But a large part really is that the relationship with my ex was severely damaging to me. Which did cause my illness to get worse. Though I did not know I had any illness at the time. You don't have to know you drank poison for it to kill you. So, the realization is not an indictment of my ex. It is realizing my life views have changed. It is taking the lessons and leaving the pain. Using those lessons to make today and tomorrow better.
Far as my silver hair, I considered coloring it. But gf says she likes it and I found I do too. I wear it with honor. I have earned each silver hair on my head. Over 300 codes. Catching patients in mid-air. So my silver does not bother me.
I'm lucky to be one of the few with literally silver hair. Some people claim silver but it's really light gray.
I know I have a strange perspective. At least at this point in my life. I've been through bad circumstances and experiences in my life. Luckily, none have killed me or permanently disabled me. Once a negative/harmful situation is over, I give myself time to think, to grieve, to examine. Even thinking what I could have done better. I do that a lot, as a nurse. No, nothing bad has to happen. I'm just always thinking of how things can be done better. Once that part is over, I try and keep the lessons, turn it into a chapter of my own personal story and drop the emotional response. I keep the emotions attached to positive experiences. To put it another way, if I can draw some positive from negative experiences, I focus on the positive. It dulls the pain of the bad, sometimes even kills it.
Emotions are like being a rose gardener. After being stuck and scratched enough, people respond in different ways.
Some hate the roses and will dig up the bush or let it die. Yet keep their hate.
Others may embrace the thorns but they embrace the pain, never actually seeing the roses. Then there are those who will risk the thorns, accept the occasional prick or scratch, seeing instead the beauty of the roses. They strive to keep the roses healthy so they can cultivate MORE roses, BIGGER roses, BETTER roses. They accept their mistakes and use the lessons to improve on their future efforts.
I've had pics of when daughter was little rotating on my TV for a while. I like looking at them. But I am in some of those pictures. It did not register at first but then I was shocked to realize how different I looked then and now. While my hair is now mostly silver, I have fewer lines on my face than I did 14 years ago. I literally think I look younger in some ways. No small part of that is from learning I had an illness and dealing with it, getting it under control. Part is simply taking the time to learn about myself. But a large part really is that the relationship with my ex was severely damaging to me. Which did cause my illness to get worse. Though I did not know I had any illness at the time. You don't have to know you drank poison for it to kill you. So, the realization is not an indictment of my ex. It is realizing my life views have changed. It is taking the lessons and leaving the pain. Using those lessons to make today and tomorrow better.
Far as my silver hair, I considered coloring it. But gf says she likes it and I found I do too. I wear it with honor. I have earned each silver hair on my head. Over 300 codes. Catching patients in mid-air. So my silver does not bother me.
I'm lucky to be one of the few with literally silver hair. Some people claim silver but it's really light gray.
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