Well, things between gf and I have taken a far more positive turn from my perspective. She appears to agree.
None of my views are meant to indicate by ANY stretch that sex is the most important part of our relationship or any real relationship. It is important for two relatively healthy people, though. I've said before that my libido gets stronger as my emotions do. Those parts of me are intricately entwined. Brain chemistry? Probably. By no means do I only focus on my own needs and ignore hers.
That said, it's really the intensity that matters to me more than the frequency. For me it's basically all or nothing. Emotional and sexual intensity go hand in hand, limited only by health issues or emotional preferences. In no way do I wish for us to have sex every time we are together. That is a false and selfish desire which would turn sex into an expectation, a requirement, a chore which would cause a rift over time for good reason.
But damn she's good! Never felt like this with anyone before. Never actually want to again.
She has been sick on and off for days. I suspect she may have C Diff after several long rounds of antibiotics not long ago. I keep trying to get her to go to urgent care and have a stool culture done but she keeps resisting. That is one thing that annoys me. We've been through this on several issues. When she does finally decide to go, she does so on a day when we are supposed to see each other. I would not mind except when there are other options. We could not see each other yesterday. She has an appointment this afternoon with her cardiologist. So if she goes to urgent care it will be this evening or tomorrow, when we can see each other. If she goes early tomorrow, fine. I get off work at 3. If she waits too late, I may not see her at all until Monday.
Yes, I still feel down when I do not see her for too many days. Not something I regret in the least. She adds to my life. Besides, I have the nurturing side that wants to take care of her and make her feel better when she is sick or down.
Next week is not too bad for my schedule. I have to work evenings Tue and Wed, night shift Thur, Fri and Sat. We can see each other when I work the night shift, at least for a while. May be best if I have time to rest after she leaves and before work. I'd like it more if I saw her in the morning after work but that's not going to happen and I know it.
Some aspects of the job are going well. Other parts are going to be difficult for me personally. Those parts are too slow. There's too little to do. Add no electronics allowed and it will kill brain cells for me. (Or feel like it.) Have not really found people I can have stimulating intelligent discussions with yet. I never thought I'd live in a place where that was more rare than New Mexico but here I am. Ugh. Though it may give me a chance to shine on performance. I'll have time to organize and clean. The medication records are a mess, with different people writing things different ways. No solid standards. They had a computer system but it was owned by the previous company, who took the computers with them. (I'm guessing proprietary software because they left other equipment behind, including fairly expensive computer mounting hardware.) The new company says they will install new computers in a few months. I'll be happy when that happens. Until then that may give me a headache. In some areas so many people gather and talk about inane crap it drives my agoraphobia into full gear. That may be better on the night shift. Find out next week. May actually be worse. With inmates asleep, more staff may gather in one area. By the infirmary is the gathering place. Great.
No matter. Pay is decent for this area, schedule is under my control to some degree and I can go from place to place to keep from getting too bored. Waiting to see how pay increases with shifts. I have not yet asked. I'm basing budget on base pay, which I can live on. Anything more I will consider extra and try to lay aside. Best way to think of it.
None of my views are meant to indicate by ANY stretch that sex is the most important part of our relationship or any real relationship. It is important for two relatively healthy people, though. I've said before that my libido gets stronger as my emotions do. Those parts of me are intricately entwined. Brain chemistry? Probably. By no means do I only focus on my own needs and ignore hers.
That said, it's really the intensity that matters to me more than the frequency. For me it's basically all or nothing. Emotional and sexual intensity go hand in hand, limited only by health issues or emotional preferences. In no way do I wish for us to have sex every time we are together. That is a false and selfish desire which would turn sex into an expectation, a requirement, a chore which would cause a rift over time for good reason.
But damn she's good! Never felt like this with anyone before. Never actually want to again.
She has been sick on and off for days. I suspect she may have C Diff after several long rounds of antibiotics not long ago. I keep trying to get her to go to urgent care and have a stool culture done but she keeps resisting. That is one thing that annoys me. We've been through this on several issues. When she does finally decide to go, she does so on a day when we are supposed to see each other. I would not mind except when there are other options. We could not see each other yesterday. She has an appointment this afternoon with her cardiologist. So if she goes to urgent care it will be this evening or tomorrow, when we can see each other. If she goes early tomorrow, fine. I get off work at 3. If she waits too late, I may not see her at all until Monday.
Yes, I still feel down when I do not see her for too many days. Not something I regret in the least. She adds to my life. Besides, I have the nurturing side that wants to take care of her and make her feel better when she is sick or down.
Next week is not too bad for my schedule. I have to work evenings Tue and Wed, night shift Thur, Fri and Sat. We can see each other when I work the night shift, at least for a while. May be best if I have time to rest after she leaves and before work. I'd like it more if I saw her in the morning after work but that's not going to happen and I know it.
Some aspects of the job are going well. Other parts are going to be difficult for me personally. Those parts are too slow. There's too little to do. Add no electronics allowed and it will kill brain cells for me. (Or feel like it.) Have not really found people I can have stimulating intelligent discussions with yet. I never thought I'd live in a place where that was more rare than New Mexico but here I am. Ugh. Though it may give me a chance to shine on performance. I'll have time to organize and clean. The medication records are a mess, with different people writing things different ways. No solid standards. They had a computer system but it was owned by the previous company, who took the computers with them. (I'm guessing proprietary software because they left other equipment behind, including fairly expensive computer mounting hardware.) The new company says they will install new computers in a few months. I'll be happy when that happens. Until then that may give me a headache. In some areas so many people gather and talk about inane crap it drives my agoraphobia into full gear. That may be better on the night shift. Find out next week. May actually be worse. With inmates asleep, more staff may gather in one area. By the infirmary is the gathering place. Great.
No matter. Pay is decent for this area, schedule is under my control to some degree and I can go from place to place to keep from getting too bored. Waiting to see how pay increases with shifts. I have not yet asked. I'm basing budget on base pay, which I can live on. Anything more I will consider extra and try to lay aside. Best way to think of it.
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