In the past 3 days, I ended 2 relationships.
First, I will start with the gf I have had for over 2 years. I've mentioned many times the problems we had, how everything was always about her. I have not even seen her since early Feb. Then, over the last few months, our correspondence became less and less and more and more sporadic, unreliable. If I sent her a message, I would not receive a reply for several hours. She claimed she was sleeping on and off. Did not matter if it was morning or evening. Yet she claimed to not be sleeping at night, until right about the time I would be getting home from work. Though on my nights off, she would be going to bed at around 10 PM.
When we did talk (text), it would basically always be about illness, animals or depression/depressive subjects, which she makes a habit of intentionally seeking out and fixating on.
This morning it finally became too much. I've known the relationship would never go further, especially in any direction I wanted it to go. I was never manipulative and had said from the beginning how I wanted it to go, yet it never happened.
This morning, she texted and told me she had been watching videos of police abusing civilians for several hours and got so upset she had not slept all night. Of course, she fell asleep right after telling me this. I finally told her I'd had enough. I will remain her friend but anything more than that was over.
She finally had an actual discussion with me this evening. Mostly feeling sorry for herself and acting like I had said I would end all communication with her, which I had made clear was not what I was saying. However, I never changed my mind.
The other relationship was with a woman I had started seeing only a few short weeks ago. It had been platonic, though we discussed going beyond that and she said she was excited. I gave her many chances to change her mind. Even so, I loved her company, just talking with her, her presence. One of the last times I saw her in person, I mentioned the difficulties with our different schedules. She said we would work through any problems together. That statement made me feel good. It all seemed like we agreed on moving forward with a monogamous and stable relationship. So I thought.
On Thur, I asked if she wanted to come over for lunch from her work. She could not leave work that day, so I asked if she wanted me to bring her something. She declined.
On Fri, just after noon, she texted and asked if I was ghosting her. No good morning, no prior text, nothing. I had slept late that morning because my sleep schedule has been really messed up lately. I explained I had just awakened. The next thing she says that she thinks she is going to stop dating for a while. Translation: She no longer wanted to see me. She claimed she doesn't have time.
I was nice at first, said she could contact me if or when she decided to change her mind. However, after some thought, I changed my mind. I said don't contact me again because people who treat you as disposable will continue doing so. I also emailed her and said I did not believe the reasons she gave, that I believed she wanted to see other men or gotten back with her ex. Though I told her that even if that had been the case, she could have discussed it with me and we could have remained friends. I also said that telling me by text was not right. She should have told me in person, by phone or even a longer email explaining her feelings and rationale. Some form of actual communication.
What I did not say is that she gave me the impression that both of her sons are now out of town and she sent me this message the exact day her second son was going out of town. I had not seen her or texted too much the previous two days because she said she wanted to spend time with him before he left. So, with both sons gone, she actually has MORE time free. It was not like I would try and monopolize every minute of her time.
She blocked me electronically. Finally, on Sun morning, I tried writing an apology through email. Then by text. No response from either, so I suspect she had blocked them.
Ultimately, I looked up her street address. I wrote the apology and mailed it snail mail. I also ordered flowers to be delivered to her house.
In the letter, I said I would like to remain platonic friends with her. I do love her company. I do mean the platonic part because to go beyond that would mean assuming a level of trust which has now been damaged. I miss talking, visiting and texting with her. I had really felt close to her. Too close, too fast. I know better.
So, maybe she will respond, maybe she won't. I hope she does but I expect the letter to be returned unopened. That will be the last attempt I make at contacting her. No matter what, I did not feel right ending on such a bad note. If nothing else, extending the apology and making the effort makes me feel a little better for things I said. Those words were said because I was hurt, angry and very confused. Not at all sure how things had changed so drastically and quickly. It's the worst I have acted to anyone in decades and even then there was more basis to it the last time I did. Well, any time I did.
Even if she does not reply, I hope she at least reads the apology.
First, I will start with the gf I have had for over 2 years. I've mentioned many times the problems we had, how everything was always about her. I have not even seen her since early Feb. Then, over the last few months, our correspondence became less and less and more and more sporadic, unreliable. If I sent her a message, I would not receive a reply for several hours. She claimed she was sleeping on and off. Did not matter if it was morning or evening. Yet she claimed to not be sleeping at night, until right about the time I would be getting home from work. Though on my nights off, she would be going to bed at around 10 PM.
When we did talk (text), it would basically always be about illness, animals or depression/depressive subjects, which she makes a habit of intentionally seeking out and fixating on.
This morning it finally became too much. I've known the relationship would never go further, especially in any direction I wanted it to go. I was never manipulative and had said from the beginning how I wanted it to go, yet it never happened.
This morning, she texted and told me she had been watching videos of police abusing civilians for several hours and got so upset she had not slept all night. Of course, she fell asleep right after telling me this. I finally told her I'd had enough. I will remain her friend but anything more than that was over.
She finally had an actual discussion with me this evening. Mostly feeling sorry for herself and acting like I had said I would end all communication with her, which I had made clear was not what I was saying. However, I never changed my mind.
The other relationship was with a woman I had started seeing only a few short weeks ago. It had been platonic, though we discussed going beyond that and she said she was excited. I gave her many chances to change her mind. Even so, I loved her company, just talking with her, her presence. One of the last times I saw her in person, I mentioned the difficulties with our different schedules. She said we would work through any problems together. That statement made me feel good. It all seemed like we agreed on moving forward with a monogamous and stable relationship. So I thought.
On Thur, I asked if she wanted to come over for lunch from her work. She could not leave work that day, so I asked if she wanted me to bring her something. She declined.
On Fri, just after noon, she texted and asked if I was ghosting her. No good morning, no prior text, nothing. I had slept late that morning because my sleep schedule has been really messed up lately. I explained I had just awakened. The next thing she says that she thinks she is going to stop dating for a while. Translation: She no longer wanted to see me. She claimed she doesn't have time.
I was nice at first, said she could contact me if or when she decided to change her mind. However, after some thought, I changed my mind. I said don't contact me again because people who treat you as disposable will continue doing so. I also emailed her and said I did not believe the reasons she gave, that I believed she wanted to see other men or gotten back with her ex. Though I told her that even if that had been the case, she could have discussed it with me and we could have remained friends. I also said that telling me by text was not right. She should have told me in person, by phone or even a longer email explaining her feelings and rationale. Some form of actual communication.
What I did not say is that she gave me the impression that both of her sons are now out of town and she sent me this message the exact day her second son was going out of town. I had not seen her or texted too much the previous two days because she said she wanted to spend time with him before he left. So, with both sons gone, she actually has MORE time free. It was not like I would try and monopolize every minute of her time.
She blocked me electronically. Finally, on Sun morning, I tried writing an apology through email. Then by text. No response from either, so I suspect she had blocked them.
Ultimately, I looked up her street address. I wrote the apology and mailed it snail mail. I also ordered flowers to be delivered to her house.
In the letter, I said I would like to remain platonic friends with her. I do love her company. I do mean the platonic part because to go beyond that would mean assuming a level of trust which has now been damaged. I miss talking, visiting and texting with her. I had really felt close to her. Too close, too fast. I know better.
So, maybe she will respond, maybe she won't. I hope she does but I expect the letter to be returned unopened. That will be the last attempt I make at contacting her. No matter what, I did not feel right ending on such a bad note. If nothing else, extending the apology and making the effort makes me feel a little better for things I said. Those words were said because I was hurt, angry and very confused. Not at all sure how things had changed so drastically and quickly. It's the worst I have acted to anyone in decades and even then there was more basis to it the last time I did. Well, any time I did.
Even if she does not reply, I hope she at least reads the apology.
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