On really thinking about it further, I decided I will not become celibate voluntarily. Not for now. It makes no sense at all to do so. It would be ridiculous to respond to being denied what I find an important part of human existence by then denying myself the same part of my existence.
Things haven't hanged and are not going to change. I no longer speak with her about anything at all which isn't focused entirely on her. Even that would not be so bad but all of it seems to be depressing and hypochondriac. It is all about her consecutive illnesses and injuries, how her husband mistreats her, one crisis after another and how depressed she is. Always. She doesn't want to feel better, it appears. At least not emotionally.
I can't do it any more.
Add to it that work has been horrible. Power games and workplace politics. Past couple of weeks I have barely left work a single morning without feeling like I have been physically assaulted.
I don't feel much like Christmas this year for obvious reasons. Couldn't afford all that much for Christmas this year, thanks to my hours being reduced for a while some weeks back, just in time to impact my Christmas finances. I did not go into debt but spent more than I intended to. Not sorry for what I did spend but mentally had no imagination or focus for people outside my immediate family and friends.
Things haven't hanged and are not going to change. I no longer speak with her about anything at all which isn't focused entirely on her. Even that would not be so bad but all of it seems to be depressing and hypochondriac. It is all about her consecutive illnesses and injuries, how her husband mistreats her, one crisis after another and how depressed she is. Always. She doesn't want to feel better, it appears. At least not emotionally.
I can't do it any more.
Add to it that work has been horrible. Power games and workplace politics. Past couple of weeks I have barely left work a single morning without feeling like I have been physically assaulted.
I don't feel much like Christmas this year for obvious reasons. Couldn't afford all that much for Christmas this year, thanks to my hours being reduced for a while some weeks back, just in time to impact my Christmas finances. I did not go into debt but spent more than I intended to. Not sorry for what I did spend but mentally had no imagination or focus for people outside my immediate family and friends.
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