I have decided to go back to celibacy. At this point I find it to be the best choice for me, at least for a while.
The years I spent being celibate were the most emotionally stable years of my adult life. No drama being introduced externally. Besides, if you have no expectations, you are less likely to be disappointed.
This would be the best route to reclaiming control over my emotions and my sex life. Yes, having no sex by choice is control. Much more so than not having sex by someone else's choice.
My gf did come over Fri morning. I got virtually no affection, absolutely no intimacy. Unless you count her feet pointed toward me as intimacy, which I don't. She talked, I basically listened. If I tried to talk, she interrupted. I told her I've had a bad week at work. She never asked for specifics or gave me a chance to elaborate.
Today was the last day I will see her until after Christmas. Maybe until after New years. You would think that would spark some kind of emotional response from her but it didn't. Only thing that mattered was me listening to her.
Fine, I will listen. That's where it stops. I can no longer allow myself any emotional or sensual dependency or reliance on her. Two years is enough.
The years I spent being celibate were the most emotionally stable years of my adult life. No drama being introduced externally. Besides, if you have no expectations, you are less likely to be disappointed.
This would be the best route to reclaiming control over my emotions and my sex life. Yes, having no sex by choice is control. Much more so than not having sex by someone else's choice.
My gf did come over Fri morning. I got virtually no affection, absolutely no intimacy. Unless you count her feet pointed toward me as intimacy, which I don't. She talked, I basically listened. If I tried to talk, she interrupted. I told her I've had a bad week at work. She never asked for specifics or gave me a chance to elaborate.
Today was the last day I will see her until after Christmas. Maybe until after New years. You would think that would spark some kind of emotional response from her but it didn't. Only thing that mattered was me listening to her.
Fine, I will listen. That's where it stops. I can no longer allow myself any emotional or sensual dependency or reliance on her. Two years is enough.
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