Well, the dog made it through his first night with no balls. He managed to get the cone off but hasn't been chewing at his stitches. The incision site looks good. I've cleaned it a few times with antibacterial soap. He's kind of moaning. Not sure if that's pain or loneliness, since his buddy is no longer here. Once his stitches are healed and I can give him a bath, I'll start letting him in the house. Tentatively. That all depends on if daughter has allergies to him but he's not like the other dog we once had in the house, who reeked and stank up the whole house even though he was fixed. That dog also destroyed everything he came in contact with. I still have holes in curtains as a reminder.
There are times I feel bad about my history with animals and feel like I should have tried harder. However, I will say that through much of that time my resources were very limited and more effort would have meant time or money which I did not have. If I had the money, I was working too much. In general, I didn't have the money. Still, some cases things happened which I could not control or did not know what the true problem was. Like learning that some small animals have probably died from eating poisonous flowers. I had no idea. In one case, the dog was killing other animals, including other dogs smaller than her and kept getting out. Could not handle seeing her kill another puppy and could not take the risk of her injuring a person or another neighbor's small dog. Animal control picked her up once, she escaped and came back here. If she got out and was caught again I would have had huge legal problems and the bills that come with them.
Maybe now that I have the money and am building a much more robust fence we can have some smaller animals, also. I still have the feral cat problem, though. For that, I don't have many options but to install an electric fence and cut trees to avoid them getting access. It's not easy figuring out all the possible entry points a cat can get through but I think I know most of them. Much harder to control the movements of cats than dogs.
I know my past history with animals has affected my daughter. She loves animals and I have disappointed her on numerous occasions on that point now. She understands intellectually but mostly hides the emotional effects, though I well know they are there. She's not the crying type. Sometimes I wish she was. Makes me worry how much she holds inside. I feel better now that she's writing. That offers a release, even if it becomes an abstract at times.
Most people abstract their emotions in some way. I always had to face mine head on, never could divert my emotions well. If I did not meet them head on, they remained until I did so, no matter how much energy I diverted elsewhere. Does not mean a confrontation is required, just some level of understanding. If not understanding, I at least have to express my emotions and then I am able to accept my pain and move past it. Learn the concept and leave the lesson behind.
None of this detracts from the fact that I have had failures in the past. I do like to think I did the best I could within my internal and external resources at the time. There was never any intention to do bad or any apathy. I can only think of two intentionally bad things I have done in my life. One was in 1980 and the other in 1993 and both were warranted in some way but I may have taken them further than necessary in the moment. (In each case, the person involved learned nothing from it and became worse afterward. The point being that they were seeking rationales to act worse, never better. So in retrospect, perhaps I actually did not go far enough in spite of my own emotional guilt.)
Only thing anyone can do is try to learn from past mistakes and not make them again. Forgive the mistakes of others. That may not be possible at times but don't linger or obsess on the past.
Okay, more mundane stuff. I need to get a new eye exam. Get some computer glasses. I stepped on my glasses a couple of weeks ago while fishing with daughter. Luckily, the uncorrected lens was the only one that popped out and got damaged. I have vision insurance which pays for an eye exam each year. Time to do that.
There are times I feel bad about my history with animals and feel like I should have tried harder. However, I will say that through much of that time my resources were very limited and more effort would have meant time or money which I did not have. If I had the money, I was working too much. In general, I didn't have the money. Still, some cases things happened which I could not control or did not know what the true problem was. Like learning that some small animals have probably died from eating poisonous flowers. I had no idea. In one case, the dog was killing other animals, including other dogs smaller than her and kept getting out. Could not handle seeing her kill another puppy and could not take the risk of her injuring a person or another neighbor's small dog. Animal control picked her up once, she escaped and came back here. If she got out and was caught again I would have had huge legal problems and the bills that come with them.
Maybe now that I have the money and am building a much more robust fence we can have some smaller animals, also. I still have the feral cat problem, though. For that, I don't have many options but to install an electric fence and cut trees to avoid them getting access. It's not easy figuring out all the possible entry points a cat can get through but I think I know most of them. Much harder to control the movements of cats than dogs.
I know my past history with animals has affected my daughter. She loves animals and I have disappointed her on numerous occasions on that point now. She understands intellectually but mostly hides the emotional effects, though I well know they are there. She's not the crying type. Sometimes I wish she was. Makes me worry how much she holds inside. I feel better now that she's writing. That offers a release, even if it becomes an abstract at times.
Most people abstract their emotions in some way. I always had to face mine head on, never could divert my emotions well. If I did not meet them head on, they remained until I did so, no matter how much energy I diverted elsewhere. Does not mean a confrontation is required, just some level of understanding. If not understanding, I at least have to express my emotions and then I am able to accept my pain and move past it. Learn the concept and leave the lesson behind.
None of this detracts from the fact that I have had failures in the past. I do like to think I did the best I could within my internal and external resources at the time. There was never any intention to do bad or any apathy. I can only think of two intentionally bad things I have done in my life. One was in 1980 and the other in 1993 and both were warranted in some way but I may have taken them further than necessary in the moment. (In each case, the person involved learned nothing from it and became worse afterward. The point being that they were seeking rationales to act worse, never better. So in retrospect, perhaps I actually did not go far enough in spite of my own emotional guilt.)
Only thing anyone can do is try to learn from past mistakes and not make them again. Forgive the mistakes of others. That may not be possible at times but don't linger or obsess on the past.
Okay, more mundane stuff. I need to get a new eye exam. Get some computer glasses. I stepped on my glasses a couple of weeks ago while fishing with daughter. Luckily, the uncorrected lens was the only one that popped out and got damaged. I have vision insurance which pays for an eye exam each year. Time to do that.
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