Well, back full circle. She doesn't seem to notice that our relationship has largely gone directly back where it was. All about her.
Few weeks ago I made some statements of things I'd like to happen. They haven't. She hasn't noticed that I have not mentioned them again. She did give me a massage one night. Once. In almost a year.
I'm not angry. Not depressed. More apathetic about it now. I see no point in putting my emotional energy into the thought. Definitely see no benefit in making an effort.
She's noticed I've stopped singing to her. Maybe she's noticed I rarely cook for her any more. Don't massage her half as often.
If we talk online I can say something because I'm typing. In person, she is oblivious to the fact that she interrupts me when I try to speak. Sometimes even when I am answering a question of hers. She has not noticed that I simply stop speaking.
So, that idea of an equal relationship, a passionate relationship was once again a fantasy in my own head.
Oh, well. Not really sure what I will do from here right now. Because I'm not bringing the subject up again. If she cannot see it, there's really no point in discussing it. I don't want any more promises.
I am going to keep trying to get my writing seen by more people. It is happening slowly. Need to try again for more funding. GoFundMe, Kickstarter, Patreon. Try and get some articles published in online journals. Plus start working on putting some writing together into a book.
At this moment I'm tired. Physically and emotionally. Not horribly so. Probably feel better after some sleep.
Few weeks ago I made some statements of things I'd like to happen. They haven't. She hasn't noticed that I have not mentioned them again. She did give me a massage one night. Once. In almost a year.
I'm not angry. Not depressed. More apathetic about it now. I see no point in putting my emotional energy into the thought. Definitely see no benefit in making an effort.
She's noticed I've stopped singing to her. Maybe she's noticed I rarely cook for her any more. Don't massage her half as often.
If we talk online I can say something because I'm typing. In person, she is oblivious to the fact that she interrupts me when I try to speak. Sometimes even when I am answering a question of hers. She has not noticed that I simply stop speaking.
So, that idea of an equal relationship, a passionate relationship was once again a fantasy in my own head.
Oh, well. Not really sure what I will do from here right now. Because I'm not bringing the subject up again. If she cannot see it, there's really no point in discussing it. I don't want any more promises.
I am going to keep trying to get my writing seen by more people. It is happening slowly. Need to try again for more funding. GoFundMe, Kickstarter, Patreon. Try and get some articles published in online journals. Plus start working on putting some writing together into a book.
At this moment I'm tired. Physically and emotionally. Not horribly so. Probably feel better after some sleep.
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