I was correct in my last post. Another crisis. GF hurt her back. As a result, I have not seen her at all for 2 weeks. That means I have seen her only 2 times in a month. Well, 3 times but once was for less than 5 minutes to give her some documents I had printed out for her. Some issue with her printer.
So, at this point I am actively seeking another lover. It's not right for me to be alone this much and yet be considered in a relationship. Nor is it right that we have had sex an average of once a month for over a year now.
This has caused me no small amount of emotional turmoil. That would be true even if I did not have fear of abandonment.
I don't feel any guilt for looking for something else. I don't see why I should. This is not what I signed up for.
It would take some radical changes for me to change my mind. Not counting on those changes occurring.
I do question whether I have once again been literally too nice. Maybe she would show more dedication to me if I were less attentive, rougher physically and emotionally, more demanding. I can always give that a try and see what the response is. Maybe her history in abusive relationships is not all about the partners she has been with. Maybe she actively seeks it out. I have been with women before who thought they wanted someone nicer but were not happy in such circumstances. Maybe I need to find a dividing line.
Or maybe I need to give up.
Until things change, I will keep trying to find at least one other lover. Maybe more.
If this relationship ends, I'm not looking for another singular relationship unless it involves extreme intensity sensually and emotionally. Maybe a live in 24/7 submissive. The 24/7 thing is something I have debated in recent months, after talking with a women who was seeking that. That's something I have typically steered away from. I like women who think for themselves. Maybe if they work and are independent in that respect, it would work out better with someone who was happier as a complete submissive in a relationship. That seems to be the norm. Once again, I am the odd one out.
So, at this point I am actively seeking another lover. It's not right for me to be alone this much and yet be considered in a relationship. Nor is it right that we have had sex an average of once a month for over a year now.
This has caused me no small amount of emotional turmoil. That would be true even if I did not have fear of abandonment.
I don't feel any guilt for looking for something else. I don't see why I should. This is not what I signed up for.
It would take some radical changes for me to change my mind. Not counting on those changes occurring.
I do question whether I have once again been literally too nice. Maybe she would show more dedication to me if I were less attentive, rougher physically and emotionally, more demanding. I can always give that a try and see what the response is. Maybe her history in abusive relationships is not all about the partners she has been with. Maybe she actively seeks it out. I have been with women before who thought they wanted someone nicer but were not happy in such circumstances. Maybe I need to find a dividing line.
Or maybe I need to give up.
Until things change, I will keep trying to find at least one other lover. Maybe more.
If this relationship ends, I'm not looking for another singular relationship unless it involves extreme intensity sensually and emotionally. Maybe a live in 24/7 submissive. The 24/7 thing is something I have debated in recent months, after talking with a women who was seeking that. That's something I have typically steered away from. I like women who think for themselves. Maybe if they work and are independent in that respect, it would work out better with someone who was happier as a complete submissive in a relationship. That seems to be the norm. Once again, I am the odd one out.
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