Can't believe it's been two weeks since I posted anything here.
One thing is that I have been working more. Plus been writing politically a lot. Mostly regarding censorship this past week.
Daughter started back to school this past week. She seems to like her school. I'm happy about that. The school is multiracial, multicultural and is a place where gay or bisexual teens feel comfortable saying so openly. It is largely focused on academic achievement as well. So she feels comfortable being who she is there. I am happier about that than anything. She sounds like she is opening up socially in this environment, so seriously glad of that.
Have not seen a lot of gf last few weeks. Illness, injury and her children and grandchildren came to visit. Plus she had a political event this past week, which she largely organizes. I understand all of that, so it has not upset me.
Of course, I do get lonely but all the writing has helped. Besides, my UC was giving me hell this past week. Probably because of stress about the censorship issue. That one really does anger and scare me.
She has said she misses me and it has made her depressed. We have discussed going deeper into things we have discussed before. I finally said I wanted to plan ahead for certain on one specific day. She agreed. So, have to wait and see if that happens.
I still love her more than any woman I have ever known. No question about that. I wasn't pushing any issues. Had reached the point on some things that I was giving up on it. Not angry or depressed. Though it was highly disappointing and left me feeling like it just didn't matter to her. She started talking about it when I did not. Maybe the fact that I did stop talking about it got through. Maybe she realizes that if I stop talking about something, it does mean I have given up but that doesn't mean it's no longer a part of me. She says she gets worried someone else may approach me. I have not been going anywhere or doing anything. Nobody at work is attractive. Not talking to anyone online. have not been looking. All that said, there are times I cannot say if someone approached me that I would not be tempted for some things. What with part of me being kept oppressed, ignored, etc while being a definite part of me. Doubt I would act on it but the thought could potentially be there. I am human, after all. I love her but must of necessity love myself.
Something that seems to make her nervous is that my writing seems to be gaining attention. I'm not sorry for that. It's a goal for that to happen! But not for any women to be attracted to me. I want my ideas to spread. I want my writing propagated. I'd love to be able to make enough money from writing to make a living. I am thinking of gathering/editing some of my writing into a book and publishing electronically. Later go to print if it's popular enough or it gets an offer. But if that makes her take my feelings more into consideration, I'm okay with it. I always care how she feels. I just need my feelings validated too. Nothing wrong with that.
One thing is that I have been working more. Plus been writing politically a lot. Mostly regarding censorship this past week.
Daughter started back to school this past week. She seems to like her school. I'm happy about that. The school is multiracial, multicultural and is a place where gay or bisexual teens feel comfortable saying so openly. It is largely focused on academic achievement as well. So she feels comfortable being who she is there. I am happier about that than anything. She sounds like she is opening up socially in this environment, so seriously glad of that.
Have not seen a lot of gf last few weeks. Illness, injury and her children and grandchildren came to visit. Plus she had a political event this past week, which she largely organizes. I understand all of that, so it has not upset me.
Of course, I do get lonely but all the writing has helped. Besides, my UC was giving me hell this past week. Probably because of stress about the censorship issue. That one really does anger and scare me.
She has said she misses me and it has made her depressed. We have discussed going deeper into things we have discussed before. I finally said I wanted to plan ahead for certain on one specific day. She agreed. So, have to wait and see if that happens.
I still love her more than any woman I have ever known. No question about that. I wasn't pushing any issues. Had reached the point on some things that I was giving up on it. Not angry or depressed. Though it was highly disappointing and left me feeling like it just didn't matter to her. She started talking about it when I did not. Maybe the fact that I did stop talking about it got through. Maybe she realizes that if I stop talking about something, it does mean I have given up but that doesn't mean it's no longer a part of me. She says she gets worried someone else may approach me. I have not been going anywhere or doing anything. Nobody at work is attractive. Not talking to anyone online. have not been looking. All that said, there are times I cannot say if someone approached me that I would not be tempted for some things. What with part of me being kept oppressed, ignored, etc while being a definite part of me. Doubt I would act on it but the thought could potentially be there. I am human, after all. I love her but must of necessity love myself.
Something that seems to make her nervous is that my writing seems to be gaining attention. I'm not sorry for that. It's a goal for that to happen! But not for any women to be attracted to me. I want my ideas to spread. I want my writing propagated. I'd love to be able to make enough money from writing to make a living. I am thinking of gathering/editing some of my writing into a book and publishing electronically. Later go to print if it's popular enough or it gets an offer. But if that makes her take my feelings more into consideration, I'm okay with it. I always care how she feels. I just need my feelings validated too. Nothing wrong with that.
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