Have to admit I am developing feelings for this woman I wrote about the other day. I probably shouldn't. She is married.
Not much of a marriage. She's older than me but doesn't look it. Her husband is 3 years younger than me. Yet by what she says they have not had sex in nearly 4 years. I do believe it. All the signs are obviously there. From her presentation of it, they are extremely different emotionally and spiritually. I do know she spends hours talking to me online while he is home. Often talking about things a married woman would not be talking about if her husband was paying attention.
But he makes a hell of a lot more money than I do. No way I could compete with that. And I am not in the emotional place where I would want to. I do like being single, having my time alone. More on that in a minute. I have not asked but I'm pretty sure she has her own money. She's worked with computers since long before it was commonplace.
Not going to make it out like her relationship with her husband is a living hell. It's not. There is a reason she is with him and has feelings for him. No way I would try to change that. If anything, I have tried making suggestions and offering insights to help the situation. Nothing does because she has tried all I have suggested and he is closed to it.
I have had sex with her. It was great. She's very passionate. Only once so far. She is a very strong fit for my preferences in all ways. But most often we talk, we kiss, we cuddle. Things her husband does not like to do.
In the short time I have known her, I have seen changes in her. A softening in the lines around her eyes, a difference in the way she carries herself. Like she feels more feminine, more confident.
This is a strange situation. For many years I have walled off parts of myself. It's a bit scary to let those parts come to life again.
Now I am forced to consider my past relationships. I have pretty much always started as the guy who was out to have fun. Or the guy who tried to build a homestead. Then wound up as the cowboy riding off into the sunset. It was never my choice that it wound up that way.
Just my karma.
BTW, she wrote a poem about me. Won't post it here because it's mostly erotic but not entirely. Other than purely erotic, this is the first time anyone ever wrote a poem about me. It was always me writing about them. So this is different.
I'm okay being the guy on the side. I have a lot of things happening right now. Karma coming up to get in the way but it just makes me more determined.
Trying to get a YouTube channel started. Along with a coordinated website and social media pages. Trying to get this where I can gain funding through various means. I set up a GoFundMe page for startup costs and will later set up a Patreon page for ongoing funding. But even if I have to do all of it out of pocket, I will still be doing it. That was the original plan. It is all a Progressive politics effort but will mostly not be called that. I want it to reach across party lines. To focus mostly on issues. In the background I will definitely be trying to convert people to the Progressive side. Through logic and reason based on issues.
That's where karma came in. Tried rebuilding the computer. I suspect the first new MB I installed was no good. (Though it MAY be the processor, the system booted to Windows but would do nothing else. It seemed like the BIOS did not install the way it should.) So I ordered another MB. Installed that one and it has a different power connector than what the power supply has. So now I ordered and waiting on an adapter. But I also ordered and am waiting on a backup computer. Refurbished with Windows 10 installed. Once I get a job or some funding, I will get a backup drive which I can use for any computer I am working with. Store all my files to that drive.
The laptop is too under-powered to use the webcam with. Needs a strong video card. Which the PC has two of.
I am up for a job working from home. Have to email the recruiting company about that in just a minute.
Not much of a marriage. She's older than me but doesn't look it. Her husband is 3 years younger than me. Yet by what she says they have not had sex in nearly 4 years. I do believe it. All the signs are obviously there. From her presentation of it, they are extremely different emotionally and spiritually. I do know she spends hours talking to me online while he is home. Often talking about things a married woman would not be talking about if her husband was paying attention.
But he makes a hell of a lot more money than I do. No way I could compete with that. And I am not in the emotional place where I would want to. I do like being single, having my time alone. More on that in a minute. I have not asked but I'm pretty sure she has her own money. She's worked with computers since long before it was commonplace.
Not going to make it out like her relationship with her husband is a living hell. It's not. There is a reason she is with him and has feelings for him. No way I would try to change that. If anything, I have tried making suggestions and offering insights to help the situation. Nothing does because she has tried all I have suggested and he is closed to it.
I have had sex with her. It was great. She's very passionate. Only once so far. She is a very strong fit for my preferences in all ways. But most often we talk, we kiss, we cuddle. Things her husband does not like to do.
In the short time I have known her, I have seen changes in her. A softening in the lines around her eyes, a difference in the way she carries herself. Like she feels more feminine, more confident.
This is a strange situation. For many years I have walled off parts of myself. It's a bit scary to let those parts come to life again.
Now I am forced to consider my past relationships. I have pretty much always started as the guy who was out to have fun. Or the guy who tried to build a homestead. Then wound up as the cowboy riding off into the sunset. It was never my choice that it wound up that way.
Just my karma.
BTW, she wrote a poem about me. Won't post it here because it's mostly erotic but not entirely. Other than purely erotic, this is the first time anyone ever wrote a poem about me. It was always me writing about them. So this is different.
I'm okay being the guy on the side. I have a lot of things happening right now. Karma coming up to get in the way but it just makes me more determined.
Trying to get a YouTube channel started. Along with a coordinated website and social media pages. Trying to get this where I can gain funding through various means. I set up a GoFundMe page for startup costs and will later set up a Patreon page for ongoing funding. But even if I have to do all of it out of pocket, I will still be doing it. That was the original plan. It is all a Progressive politics effort but will mostly not be called that. I want it to reach across party lines. To focus mostly on issues. In the background I will definitely be trying to convert people to the Progressive side. Through logic and reason based on issues.
That's where karma came in. Tried rebuilding the computer. I suspect the first new MB I installed was no good. (Though it MAY be the processor, the system booted to Windows but would do nothing else. It seemed like the BIOS did not install the way it should.) So I ordered another MB. Installed that one and it has a different power connector than what the power supply has. So now I ordered and waiting on an adapter. But I also ordered and am waiting on a backup computer. Refurbished with Windows 10 installed. Once I get a job or some funding, I will get a backup drive which I can use for any computer I am working with. Store all my files to that drive.
The laptop is too under-powered to use the webcam with. Needs a strong video card. Which the PC has two of.
I am up for a job working from home. Have to email the recruiting company about that in just a minute.
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