Thursday, July 13, 2017

Chemically assisted lucidity

Right now it is 7:30 PM. Right now I am on beer number 8. For years, my limit has been 2-3 beers. Yet I remain lucid. Plus I have been using medical cannabis on top of the beer.

Stress, anxiety.

I miss my daughter.

Figuring out if there is some lesson I should be learning here. Not finding anything. Is there a lesson I need to learn before leaving here? I find no lessons to be learned in NM I have not or could not learn elsewhere. 

I keep looking inside and outside. I usually am doing just that. I find nothing in this case.

Maybe there is nothing to learn. Maybe it is all about timing. Maybe I am not intended to be in AL until daughter starts school again. 

I know I am being held back by my karma. I have examined all options I know of to leave here. I find nothing which does not leave me in further debt. I can deal with that but it would lead to other problems. 

I even like the jobs I see available in Montgomery. 

The only problem is being able to leave here. The land of Entrapment.

If there is anything internal to find, at this point I think I have found it.

Fucking let me go!

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