Had a good morning with my gf on Fri morning. Though that was the only time I saw her all week after Sun.
Then, true to established pattern and what I expected, something happened over the weekend. One of her dogs got seriously ill. So, I won't see her on Mon.
While I have no reason to doubt what she says is happening, I have to say it gets old. Every single week there is something. She gets sick, a friend out of town gets sick, her pets get sick. Meetings, appointments on days we usually see each other, vehicle problems.
I had to be honest with myself a few days ago. As much as my writing my mention sex, what I want most is affection. From listening to physical contact. It's just easier emotionally to focus on sex. It's more depressing to focus on deeper things. Physical affection may lead to intimacy but even without the intimacy I am happy. I'm not happy with going abruptly from talking about dogs and spiders to the bedroom. It lacks something important to me emotionally.
I have used sex as a substitute many, many times in my life. Like basically all ten years with the ex. Can't blame anyone else for it, I accepted it, so it's my own fault.
Guess I am doomed to maintain that pattern.
Bad enough that I am feeling desperately isolated on my social and political views. People turn their views into a religion.
The YouTube channel reboot is not going as well as hoped. Basically because I refuse to pander to the religious cults. Think I am going to start another YT channel, which will be a video diary on the more human side of me.
Then, true to established pattern and what I expected, something happened over the weekend. One of her dogs got seriously ill. So, I won't see her on Mon.
While I have no reason to doubt what she says is happening, I have to say it gets old. Every single week there is something. She gets sick, a friend out of town gets sick, her pets get sick. Meetings, appointments on days we usually see each other, vehicle problems.
I had to be honest with myself a few days ago. As much as my writing my mention sex, what I want most is affection. From listening to physical contact. It's just easier emotionally to focus on sex. It's more depressing to focus on deeper things. Physical affection may lead to intimacy but even without the intimacy I am happy. I'm not happy with going abruptly from talking about dogs and spiders to the bedroom. It lacks something important to me emotionally.
I have used sex as a substitute many, many times in my life. Like basically all ten years with the ex. Can't blame anyone else for it, I accepted it, so it's my own fault.
Guess I am doomed to maintain that pattern.
Bad enough that I am feeling desperately isolated on my social and political views. People turn their views into a religion.
The YouTube channel reboot is not going as well as hoped. Basically because I refuse to pander to the religious cults. Think I am going to start another YT channel, which will be a video diary on the more human side of me.
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