I'm not all that sure what my body or emotions are doing right now.
Really irritable. Physical sensations are heightened to the tolerance of what I can bear. Just the sounds in a mostly quiet room put my nerves on edge. Things I should be able to ignore but can't.
I have a feeling I may be swinging into a manic state but could just as well be sinking into a deeper depressive state, which has never gone away since I last wrote about it.
I know I feel lonely. Yet annoyed by people at work. Then again, they all seem to be attention seeking in a passive-aggressive way. Walking around being overly inquisitive about the actions of others. As usual, few can hold a lucid conversation about anything more complex than food.
I still think my gf is reading this blog at times. She started wanting to see me in the morning some days. Though that is still unreliable. Times change, days change. Her cell phone still has more attention than I do. I'm still rarely anything but a nurse and caregiver.
She had a spinal block yesterday. Supposed to help her pain but she has complained of more pain since it was done. Not sure when I will see her.
I have also had poor mental focus for a few days. Guess that's been true for a few weeks but now it's worse. Not going to finish the book any time soon. Slowed down on my regular writing.
With the heightened physical sensations, sex would be great right now. Oh, well.
If I am heading into a manic state, it comes with good timing. Going to move next week. Got the house I wanted to rent. Much larger than the apartment and has a workshop and storage shed plus a covered deck. All appliances including washer and dryer.
Being manic will also help with my writing, once it stabilizes.
Really irritable. Physical sensations are heightened to the tolerance of what I can bear. Just the sounds in a mostly quiet room put my nerves on edge. Things I should be able to ignore but can't.
I have a feeling I may be swinging into a manic state but could just as well be sinking into a deeper depressive state, which has never gone away since I last wrote about it.
I know I feel lonely. Yet annoyed by people at work. Then again, they all seem to be attention seeking in a passive-aggressive way. Walking around being overly inquisitive about the actions of others. As usual, few can hold a lucid conversation about anything more complex than food.
I still think my gf is reading this blog at times. She started wanting to see me in the morning some days. Though that is still unreliable. Times change, days change. Her cell phone still has more attention than I do. I'm still rarely anything but a nurse and caregiver.
She had a spinal block yesterday. Supposed to help her pain but she has complained of more pain since it was done. Not sure when I will see her.
I have also had poor mental focus for a few days. Guess that's been true for a few weeks but now it's worse. Not going to finish the book any time soon. Slowed down on my regular writing.
With the heightened physical sensations, sex would be great right now. Oh, well.
If I am heading into a manic state, it comes with good timing. Going to move next week. Got the house I wanted to rent. Much larger than the apartment and has a workshop and storage shed plus a covered deck. All appliances including washer and dryer.
Being manic will also help with my writing, once it stabilizes.
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