Got to spend the weekend with daughter for the first time in a year this past weekend. That made me really happy!
We didn't do too much. Went ice skating for the second time. She enjoys that and is getting better at it. I had been holding one hand while she held the ledge of the wall with the other. We were doing that for a while, then I told her she was doing well enough and I was going to let her go on her own. She was nervous about it at first but then kept going and kept doing better.
Yes, I almost cried. Had the urge to keep holding her hand out of my own urge to give her my support and hold her hand. However, in the end I would be a bad father if I did that. I am a better father to let go when the time comes and she can do it on her own.
By the end of the 2 hour session, she had gained more confidence and was doing considerably better. I told her the only thing holding her back was her own anxiety. Not sure how much she believed me. I have NO doubt she is dreaming about ice skating. I know her. I expect if we go skating again this weekend she will release her grip on the wall for longer and longer periods. She was starting to this past weekend to go around people. I also encouraged her to take the corners in longer stretches without holding on and she was trying it. And she didn't fall or sit this time.
Other than skating, we had BBQ at home and went through some boxes. She was looking at Pinterest and showing me things she finds interesting and funny. Kid has just as much of a dry and dark humor as I do.
It was a great weekend.
Yesterday I went to the doctor. Actually nurse practitioner (NP) for medications to replace my medical cannabis. Symptoms I needed something for were insomnia, muscle spasms and lack of appetite. She prescribed Baclofen and Trazadone. Plus gave me a sample of a new form of Gabapentin which I had not heard of and she only recently came across. Made specifically for Restless Leg Syndrome. It worked really well. Though the combination made me sleep for 12 hours straight. That's okay, I had only slept like 4 hours the night before. Maybe less.
When I awoke this morning, I had NO muscle spasms at all, anywhere on my body. That was when I realized something. I have had muscle spasms continuously for decades. Not painful and not extreme but definitely present. Especially my feet and lower legs. Standing up, I realized I did not have to flex my toes repeatedly while standing, which I can recall doing all the time when I was in the Army, which was 25 years ago. I looked at my hand next to my thumb, which is the only place my spasms were visible and there were none. It also relieved a lot of anxiety, which I now believe was caused by muscle tension. You can't relax emotionally when you have non-stop muscle tension. I am wondering how much that led me to self-medicate with alcohol and other substances when I was younger. No way to tell and not much point except to advise others.
So, muscle spasms and insomnia are dealt with. Not much change in my appetite as yet. However, while at her office, they weighed me and I have gained weight. I'm back over 160 lbs! The nurse seemed to think I was crazy (by her gaze) when I was excited for gaining weight. Of course, everyone in the country is trying to lose weight. At 163.4 lbs, I've gained nearly 10 lbs since leaving Abq. Still want to gain 7 more lbs and reach 170.
We didn't do too much. Went ice skating for the second time. She enjoys that and is getting better at it. I had been holding one hand while she held the ledge of the wall with the other. We were doing that for a while, then I told her she was doing well enough and I was going to let her go on her own. She was nervous about it at first but then kept going and kept doing better.
Yes, I almost cried. Had the urge to keep holding her hand out of my own urge to give her my support and hold her hand. However, in the end I would be a bad father if I did that. I am a better father to let go when the time comes and she can do it on her own.
By the end of the 2 hour session, she had gained more confidence and was doing considerably better. I told her the only thing holding her back was her own anxiety. Not sure how much she believed me. I have NO doubt she is dreaming about ice skating. I know her. I expect if we go skating again this weekend she will release her grip on the wall for longer and longer periods. She was starting to this past weekend to go around people. I also encouraged her to take the corners in longer stretches without holding on and she was trying it. And she didn't fall or sit this time.
Other than skating, we had BBQ at home and went through some boxes. She was looking at Pinterest and showing me things she finds interesting and funny. Kid has just as much of a dry and dark humor as I do.
It was a great weekend.
Yesterday I went to the doctor. Actually nurse practitioner (NP) for medications to replace my medical cannabis. Symptoms I needed something for were insomnia, muscle spasms and lack of appetite. She prescribed Baclofen and Trazadone. Plus gave me a sample of a new form of Gabapentin which I had not heard of and she only recently came across. Made specifically for Restless Leg Syndrome. It worked really well. Though the combination made me sleep for 12 hours straight. That's okay, I had only slept like 4 hours the night before. Maybe less.
When I awoke this morning, I had NO muscle spasms at all, anywhere on my body. That was when I realized something. I have had muscle spasms continuously for decades. Not painful and not extreme but definitely present. Especially my feet and lower legs. Standing up, I realized I did not have to flex my toes repeatedly while standing, which I can recall doing all the time when I was in the Army, which was 25 years ago. I looked at my hand next to my thumb, which is the only place my spasms were visible and there were none. It also relieved a lot of anxiety, which I now believe was caused by muscle tension. You can't relax emotionally when you have non-stop muscle tension. I am wondering how much that led me to self-medicate with alcohol and other substances when I was younger. No way to tell and not much point except to advise others.
So, muscle spasms and insomnia are dealt with. Not much change in my appetite as yet. However, while at her office, they weighed me and I have gained weight. I'm back over 160 lbs! The nurse seemed to think I was crazy (by her gaze) when I was excited for gaining weight. Of course, everyone in the country is trying to lose weight. At 163.4 lbs, I've gained nearly 10 lbs since leaving Abq. Still want to gain 7 more lbs and reach 170.
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